


"Men Can't Get Pregnant Kaworu!"

by FightingDreamers14



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Body Horror, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Smut, F/F, M/M, Mild Gore, Mpreg, This is for you Avery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 07:08:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 66,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2612810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FightingDreamers14/pseuds/FightingDreamers14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's exactly what it sounds like, but with an actual semi plot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Morning After Something?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Solairu](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Solairu).



> So like all my other fics, this started out as a joke that went awry. I was super sick one day and in my dazed mind I wanted to read mpreg. Which lead to a "fight" on twitter with my friend about mpreg. Which lead to me threatening to write mpreg of their fave OTP (at the time) and with MsScarlettRice backing me up. Big bang boom I wrote it. Lord have mercy on my soul. The amount of time I've spent on this is unreal. And I hope they really appreciate the amount of time I've spent on this master piece. This is for you. The friend who didn't ask for this and the one who supported me. Also let’s collectivly imagine the Curse of the Eva aged up everyone to be like 18-19 yrs (to make me feel better) (Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or its characters.)

 

Shinji felt the tickle of awareness flow back into his fuzzy mind, body feeling pleasantly languid. His eyes were still shut as he tried to roll around the small bed until a weight slowly constricted his waist. It brought him closer to something smooth and cool, sending a shiver down his spine.

The brunet’s eyes flashed open and found his breath hitching as he gawked at the perfect being lying next to him. He was shirtless, sleeping and...presumably naked Shinji noted.

The two were huddled together; Shinji leaning on Kaworu’s bare chest, and the latter’s arms wrapped around Shinji’s waist almost possessively. Shinji could hear the steady heartbeat underneath him as Kaworu pulled him closer in the embraced and sighed sleepily. Shinji craned his neck to see Kaworu, with the most peaceful expression resting on his face.

The feeling of his bare body against the chill of Kaworu roused awareness back into his foggy mind. Now with a clear head he noticed that they were indeed naked.

Swallowing hard, Shinji tried to slide one of his entangled legs free, but ended up caressing his leg over Kaworu’s.

“Shinji…” Kaworu mumbled drowsily. He leaned down, nuzzling into the crook of Shinji’s neck affectionately. Heat flushed on Shinji’s face as he tried to remain calm, questions bombarding him ruthlessly in his head.

 _"Why is Kaworu lying naked in bed with me? Why am I naked with him?”_ Nervous tension bubbled inside as his face changed several shades of red before he couldn't remain frozen. He tried to free his legs again but his wound-up nerves caused his thigh to bump against something stiff and- _oh god!_

Kaworu made a sinful noise, instinctively pulling Shinji closer as he ground down against his thigh. He moaned Shinji's name into his neck sleepily, leaving Shinji breathless.

Shinji’s mind went blank, with the realization of what just happened. But his body was involuntarily beginning to feel the inkling of a response to Kaworu's moans. Which was wrong because they were friends and this was a mistake. So, Shinji did the most reasonable thing when faced with this dilemma and flung himself ever so gracefully off the bed. A tiny yell left his lips as he fell to the floor with a hard thud.

Kaworu's good dream was derailed once he heard Shinji's distinctive scream. He bolted upright, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he frantically searched for the source of the scream he knew by heart. Kaworu scrambled toward the edge of the bed expecting the worse, but relaxed as soon as he caught sight of him. Shinji’s eyes were wide, in a frantic search for something. Kaworu was about to assist him before blue met crimson. His whole body went rigid when he realized that Shinji was naked. A slight blush dusted over his cheeks as he gawked at the expanse of Shinji’s creamy skin.

He had seen Shinji naked many times in past timelines, but those had usually resulted in catastrophic events. And Kaworu was praying that this was not like the other loops. He watched Shinji dive at the discarded sheets and drape them over his body clumsily. Hesitantly, Shinji turned to stare back at him with unease. 

Shinji’s face grew hotter as he looked up at Kaworu, bare in all his glory and unashamed. He blushed harder trying to keep his gaze eye to eye. Self-consciously Shinji wrapped the sheets tighter around himself.

“K-Kaworu what the hell is going on? Why are you naked? Why am I naked? What happened last night?!” The Third demanded. His head was pounding and thinking back only muddled his mind. Shinji sat there paralyzed, eyes focused on Kaworu hoping he would reveal the answers. 

Kaworu sat up, causing the paralyzed Shinji to yelp and cover his eyes when his point of view was abruptly changed. Kaworu cringed- oh right he was naked too. He glanced around, before he hastily grabbed at the remaining sheets from the bed. Sufficiently covered, Kaworu rose up to make his way to Shinji.

He masterfuly held back a hiss as his feet were assaulted by the cold floor. Shinji was still faced away from him, but that didn't stop Kaworu from fondly gazing at him. Longing to be cuddled with Shinji again, sharing his warmth greedily. But he sighed; this was not the time for that train of thought right now. 

Approaching Shinji carefully, he plopped down a few feet away, allowing Shinji his own space to breathe.

Shinji turned his head toward Kaworu as he heard the taller boy plop to the ground gently. His breath hitched, eyes roaming over Kaworu’s bare body. Shinji's gaze subtly started heading southward to the deep v ident leading to- His head automatically snapped up, a furious blush deepening on his cheeks. He focused on Kaworu’s face until he’s eyes caught the contrast of the black collar on his neck.

Shinji locked on the DSS Choker. Wait, the DSS Choker? His brows furrowed and brought a hand to his neck only to find smooth skin. But dropped the hand ias he felt his mind jump-starting. That’s right, Kaworu took that off him last night. Shinji continued ogling at the accessory causing Kaworu to furrow his brows.

“Shinji?” He turned around out of curiosity. But the new angle allowed Shinji to see the various red marks strewn on Kaworu’s back. Shinji peered closer, they almost looked like scratch marks. 

But Kaworu couldn’t have made those himself, someone else must have…his mind clicked. Shinji felt like his face was on fire, mouth agape. Kaworu turned around, not finding whatever sparked Shinji’s interest. 

“Shinji, are you alright?” Kaworu asked in concern. Shinji’s face was beet red and was staring at him in muted horror.

“YES! I mean yes- it’s nothing really!” Shinji stammered clutching the sheets closer to his person. Kaworu looked a little taken back at his little outburst but dropped it.

“Shinji, do you remember what happened last night?” inquired Kaworu, inching closer. Shinji was knocked out of his inner turmoil and turned again to stare at Kaworu in a stupor.

Everything that took place last night was a blur. The last of his memories passed through: his talk with Fuyutsuki, the realization this was all his fault, and then Kaworu showed up and took of the choker…then zip. Nothing at all.

“No, I can’t remember anything! Do you remember anything Kaworu?!” Shinji panicked. Kaworu always had the answer right?

Silence filled the room. Now it was time for Kaworu to be bewildered. True, he didn’t have the slightest idea what happened last night either, something was just…wrong. But he didn’t want to alarm Shinji with that information. 

Nevertheless he felt happy with himself for some reason; which was odd because he had not completed his duty to bring Shinji the happiness he deserved. He brushed aside the thought for a later date; right now he had to comfort Shinji.

“I may not remember all the details, but I suspect nothing _horrible_ has happen.” Kaworu’s eyes roamed over the room and saw nothing out of place, besides the crumpled remains of their clothes on scattered around the room. 

_Oh._.

Shinji frowned, following Kaworu’s line of vision and spotted the clothes pile. His face reddened to the point that Kaworu was fearful that Shinji would pass out. 

“Oh, so you thin-think we…you know…m-maybe there was no way that we-” sputtered Shinji, turning back to Kaworu. A faint outline of a thoughtful smile played on those damn perfect lips.

“Had sex? Under the circumstances there is a possibility that we did preform such an act?” Damn, Kaworu beat him to the punch.

Shinji instincts urging him to run out of embarrassment, nearly losing his precious sheet covering him. Kaworu’s hands shot up and took hold of Shinji’s shoulders to steady him, but Shinji reflexively broke the contact. The internalized fear of submitting when someone grabbed him sparked his hostility.

Shinji’s spiteful glare faltered when he realized who the center of the anger was aimed at Kaworu. 

“I’m sorry!” cried Shinji, his hands defensively coiled around himself. He didn't mean to hit him – it was just a reflex. He chanced a glance at Kaworu and was surprised to see him in deep though staring at the smacked hand. Kaworu looked more upset with himself if anything else; his brows knitted together like he was mentally going over a past mistake.

Shinji inched closer to him to look at Kaworu face; he had never seen this emotion from him before, it unnerved him. “Kaworu, are you okay? I didn’t meant to – Kaworu?”

“Oh, my apologies Shinji, I was just thinking of something…from a long time ago.” commented Kaworu, a grim smile on his face.

“No, it’s my fault, I’m sorry for everything!” Shinji lowered his head in a slight bow.

Kaworu had to smirk, how could this possibly be his fault, if anything it was his fault. He was going to fix everything and get to the bottom of this mess. He shook his head in amusement at Shinji’s silliness, feather like hair bouncing around his face.

“Shinji, I highly doubt this is your fault, I believe we need to think this through. If we can’t recall what happened last night, I'm positive that the memories will return to us in due time.” Offered Kaworu. He watched Shinji’s features as his words sank in.

Shinji seemed to accept this for the time being. A small nod confirmed he heard him. Hell, he would take anything at this point all he wanted to do was forget this ever happened…hopefully. The two sat in a pregnant silence until Shinji gathered up the courage to speak.

“Um, I think I’m going to take a shower, so…” Shinji said off-handily, blue eyes locked on his clothes on the other side of the room, which wasn’t really far. But there was the problem of getting up and actually reaching said clothes.

Kaworu was on part of the sheet covering him, and he didn’t have the heart to ask him to get off them. Instead he looked pleadingly at Kaworu, face still red.

“Hmm?”

“Could you, um…turn around, this is kind of embarrassing.” Kaworu looked at him and smiled, but turned to face the bed following his request.

"Of course, Shinji.” Kaworu murmured.

Shinji hesitantly rose and shuffled to get his clothes on. He hurriedly grabbed his pants, wrangling with his belt. Nervously Shinji buttoned his wrinkled shirt, constantly looking back to make sure Kaworu was unmoved. He didn’t even bother tucking his shirt in on his haste. With his back turned he announced his leave and left the room in a hurry, albeit awkwardly, ignoring the little pangs as he walked.

Once Shinji was out of the room, Kaworu mentally counted to ten and then let down his guard completely. A pale hand went straight to his mouth to cover up the internal screaming in his head. What the fuck happened last night?! This was not part of the plan!

He allowed his face to heat up with a blush that matched his eyes, his other hand pulled at his hair in a mix of frustration and embarrassment.

This wasn’t supposed to happen; he was supposed to bring him happiness, not completely fuck up _again._ However that wasn't what should be bothering him the most. He should be wondering about what had happened last night. _He could still fix this._

Kaworu plunged deep into his thoughts trying to recall his memories of yesterday. He tried to piece fuzzy fragments of that day; he practiced the piano, calmed and told Shinji of his plans to rebuild the world and then…zip. This did nothing but irritate Kaworu to no end. Did he let his guard down at some point?

If it was the _Lilin_ then why had they not taken Shinji? He paused at that passing thought, a possessiveness hanging over him. There was no way in hell that he would allow Shinji to be taken under his nose. But would that be so bad to be with his own kind? 

In a weird way they needed him as much as Shinji needed them. But he promised himself that he would not interfere with them, as long as he knew Shinji would be safe.

The only other lead was… _Him_. Kaworu’s posture went rigid, just the thought of Gendo Ikari made him angry. He was the source of everything. The pain, torment, and trauma swirling around Shinji, blinding him from his happiness. Kaworu despised that man with every fiber of his being. If he had Shinji’s blessing, Kaworu would destroy him in a heartbeat. 

But he knew that would never happen; Shinji wanted his father’s approval more than anything. But if it was him, what would _he_ every want with him and his son having a sexual relationship accomplish? He just wanted them to pilot the Eva and start the Fourth Impact. The Angel sighed, deciding to have the Gendo theory as back-up in case he was indeed the culprit.

Relaxing a bit he thought of other possibilities. Maybe it was nothing. Perhaps Shinji and he had a night of passion? These things always happened in those Lilin romantic movies. He did remember telling Shinji about his plans to use the spears to rebuild the world, maybe in the heat of the moment they...had sex? But why in the blue blazes would he have forgotten something like that?! Did he lose control…and take advantage over him?

“No, that couldn’t have happened.” Kaworu murmured his stomach dropped at the thought. They were supposed to be friends right now - not lovers. Kaworu mulled over everything as his long fingers smoothed through his hair and stopped at the base of his shoulder and felt something odd. He ran a pale hand down his shoulders to his back and discovered…tiny grooves in his skin. His head swerved at an angle to examine his back.

Blood red eyes widened at the red marks. When did he get these? There was no way he caused them, it was physically impossible. But someone else could of - Shinji? Oh, that’s why he was so spooked while looking at him. The only way he could get those marks were if he was in a positi- oh. He felt his face heat up and felt a familiar sensation stirring in his belly.

What _had_ they done last night? He hoped Shinji didn’t have any marks on his body; he would never forgive himself if he hurt him. Kaworu slapped a hand to his face and groaned, leaning back on the bed. With a frown, he changed into his soiled clothes and sat on the bed awaiting Shinji’s return. Not thinking of the things they could have done.

* * *

It took Shinji a good while in his frantic search for the shower. Sure, he had been here for what felt like forever but he his nerves were in a bunch and was making it hard to considerate. The dirty clothes were left next to the stall. He let the water cascade on him as he tried to clear his head. Maybe if he stood under the shower long enough, he would fizzle out of existence.

“ _Okay, I might have had sex with him, no big deal right?”_ he tried to muse scrubbing the soap in his hair. Shinji felt the uneasiness melt away with every pleat of water. He felt himself relaxing in the shower, until he tried to scrub at his lower torso and hissed in pain. He stared down at the bluish-yellow bruise marks around his hips in the shape of fingers circling his waist.

_Oh god._

“Okay, maybe we did.” Shinji’s face paled staring at the bruises like they might disappear if he stared hard enough. Maybe he should just keep this to himself. But know they we still there, they totally had sex. The worst part was he couldn’t even remember if he was good. Shinji blushed at his subconscious words, vigorously washing himself with purpose. 

“ _Great your first time and I can’t remember shit!”_ His inner voice shouted. _“How could everything go so wrong? Kaworu probably hated him now! He had finally found a friend in this new world. ___

“Kaworu seemed fine with it, maybe there’s nothing to worry about?” He tried to argued with conflicting thoughts. Kaworu wasn't repulsed of the idea of them together right?

 _“But what if he took advantage of you?”_ Shinji halted his determined cleaning and fought back at his worries.

“He wouldn’t. He’s my friend, we’re not…boyfriends or anything, guys don’t like guys in that way…right?” Shinji could practically hear the whisper of Kaji saying gender means nothing in the eyes of love or something.

Shinji stood in complete silence. Anger and self-pity boiled within himself for even thinking of such things.

_“Dammit!”_

On instinct, Shinji propelled his fist at the wall and felt the vibrations of the other stalls. The other voice faded away and all he could hear was the beating of the water on him. This was messed up. They were friends right? Kaworu wouldn't do anything to hurt him. He wouldn't allow himself to think that way about him, and especially not after all the amazing things Kaworu had done for him.

Shinji decided to forget about the whole thing and not deal with it; he wasn't running away from the problem; he was just setting it aside for another day. Kaworu and Shinji had a world to rebuild, everything else had to wait. Yup, he would deal with the aftermath later. It’s not like there would be any problems since he was a guy, it’s not like he would get pregnant or anything.


	2. One Week Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discoveries and bad dreams. Also morning sickness is horrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> °˖✧◝(ʘ‿ʘ)◜✧˖°

Kaworu and Shinji had seen each other as usual after the incident though no one was comfortable in discussing (or mostly Shinji). Things seemed to fall back in place; they would play together on the piano and just talk about noting in particular. And when night came they would both part ways until the morning, or sometimes staying later to watch the stars, or walking around the complex. Then they would repeat the routine like always, until today.

Shinji groggily awoke to the persistent feeling of nausea, his body feeling unusually warm. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to focus on his breathing, taking in shallow breaths as he curled into the fetal position. That seemed to work for a while until another wave hit him again. He bolted upright and instantly regretted it. Shinji groaned, feeling his face flush. The moment he felt his stomach flip, he sprinted out to the room, hands clamped over his mouth.

He frantically ran down corridor after corridor until the burning sensation hit at full force. Rooted to the ground Shinji hunched over and spilled the contents of his stomach on the red dyed floor. His throat was on fire and his eyes began to burn as he continued to retch. A few moments passed and he was left dry heaving the last of his meal. Shinji staggered backwards and fell to his knees, an achiness seeping in his body. 

His body was unresponsive to his command to stand and he crumpled the rest of the way toward the ground. Staying conscious was turning into a battle, sounds and images started to merge together in his mind. In the mist of Shinji’s struggle he heard light footsteps echoing through the corridor. With extreme effort, he turned his head toward source of the sound. The last thing he saw was a slim silhouette walking toward him before he passed out.

* * *

To say Kaworu felt a little on the edge was an understatement. On the outside he looked as if he was currently taking a nonchalant walk around NERV looking for Shinji, but on the inside he was exceedingly distressed. When Kaworu had arrived to the piano room and noticed that Shinji was nowhere in sight, he assumed he had overslept. After ten minutes passed and he thought Shinji was running late and tried to kill time on the piano. Thinking the music would lull Shinji out of his shell.

By thirty minutes his melody became hauntingly distraught and disorganized thoughts of Shinji in trouble. When an hour passed he slammed his hands on the keyboard causing it to shriek in response. Kaworu leapt to his feet and started to race toward his room, then chastised himself for worrying too much and forced himself to walk. He came to the hall Shinji’s room and tapped on the door.

“Shinji, are you in there?” wavered Kaworu. He was answered with silence. Knocking again and waited, and waited. Until he decided to just enter the room.

“Shinji, I’m coming in.” The automatic door opened to reveal no one. That’s when he started to search the complex. He walked down the hall and took a hard run to the right when he almost ran into the First Child. He stopped himself before they made contact.

“Nagisa Kaworu.”

“Yes, First?” Kaworu countered. Blank eyes focused on Kaworu, briefly glancing at the choker that was supposed to be on Shinji. Kaworu shifted as he looked down at her. What did she want? Any other time he would have entertained her presence, but not now.

“I’m sorry, but I have to find Shinji.” He was about to turn, when Rei boldly stood her ground, recognition danced in her eyes.

“Ikari-kun is this way.” She turned to the direction she originated from, not waiting for Kaworu.

“He’s where?” He repeated as he followed her. She continued walking, not bothering to face Kaworu. Out of all the years he had known her, this was the biggest interaction they ever had. Maybe it was her connection to Shinji that prompted her.

“Yes, I found him, but he was unresponsive. I waited for him to awake but he never did.” She stated. Kaworu’s heart almost skipped a beat.

“Unresponsive?” Kaworu murmured unevenly, feeling the inkling of anxiety start to bubble in his chests. What did unresponsive mean? Was it the other Lilin? Did someone do something to him? “Did you see anyone here Ayanami?” Kaworu grabbed at Rei’s shoulders and stopped her in her tracks.

“No, there was no one else. I saw Ikari-kun fall to the ground.” She paused to make sure he was still following. “Ikari-kun didn’t awaken, so I went to look for assistance.” Kaworu let his hands drop off her and continued to follow her which seemed to take forever in his opinion. He never really took in consideration how large the compound actually was in retrospect.

“There.” Kaworu’s head snapped as he followed Rei’s line of vision and saw the unconscious body on the floor. He all, but sprinted to his side and tried to gently rouse him awake. Pale hands went to Shinji’s neck and found his pulse. Kaworu sighed in relief. He turned his head and noticed the puddle of sick across from Shinji. What was that about? Was he sick? Did he catch something?

Without hesitating Kaworu gently scooped Shinji up in his arms carefully. He seemed so frail in his arms; it made him feel all the more protective. Shinji moaned as he was moved but seemed otherwise alright, except his face was pale and sickly.

“I was not ordered to do anything and yet I helped? Why?” Red orbs locked on Kaworu for guidance. He smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders. With Shinji cradled in Kaworu’s arms he felt more at ease and able to answer her.

“It’s not strange to be concerned for others, it’s perfectly normal.”

“Even though I was not ordered to?”

“Yes.” Kaworu said without hesitation. He turned to leave, but glanced back at the her giving a reassuring smile. A brief moment of remembrance flashed in her face before it was overrun by her neutral expression again, she watched them as they walked away. Something urged her to follow them, but her mind reminded her that she was not ordered too.

* * *

The trek to the infirmary was a long one; Shinji remained unconscious the whole way, limp in the Angel’s arms. Once there, Kaworu tenderly placed him down on the bed and sat at the edge. Some of the color came back to Shinji’s cheeks and his breathing had evened out again. Kaworu sighed feeling some of the stress float away. But that still didn’t explain why Shinji collapsed. His hand reflexively rested on his mouth, brows furrowing in concentration. What brought on this illness? Was it stress? Had he caught a bug? Could WILLE somehow be involved? Kaworu’s buzzing mind was interrupted by Shinji’s unintelligibly mummers.

“Shinji?” piped Kaworu. Shinji’s only response was a soft groan and shifting sideways on the bed. Kaworu smiled, Shinji looked so innocent when he slept; nothing in the world could hurt him in this state. Though, he still tossed and turned, mumbling in his sleep. The Angel leaned closer trying to decipher the half-hearted ramblings.

“Shinji? Can you hear me?” Kaworu questioned while reaching over and lightly grabbing his hand. What was he dreaming of?

* * *

Shinji was drifting, in a place with a blue ocean that he once saw with Kaji and the others. Back when everything was starting to look up and there was still a world to return. He stood above the dusty sand and looked at the plain horizon. Bright azure littered the skies as he gazed up, looking around the familiar place.

“Where am I? I thought I was at NERV.” Shinji mumbled. This felt strangely nostalgic, was he here before? He began to walk aimlessly around the beach, which seemed to trek on endlessly. Sighing, he drew his gaze to the blue ocean in boredom. Nothing out of the ordinary - wait a minute.

Shinji squinted peering through the clouds as something big and white hurled towards the ocean. In a bright flash the object plummeted down creating a massive tidal wave, shaking the earth’s core.

“AGHHHH!”

Shinji braced himself as he was tossed back by the sheer force of the impact. Tumbling through the sand Shinji got up on wobbly knees. When he opened his eyes everything was red.

The sky was crimson and a ghostly white figure stood in the distance. It...It looked like a giant white Eva. The blue waters darken into a black abyss, where the figure stood slowly dying the ocean red. Shinji peered at the being, becoming memorized at the sight whether out of fear or astonishment, he wasn't quite sure.

The creature slowly, but surely turned to Shinji and he felt his heart jack hammer in his chest. He tried to run but he was frozen. A spectral hand stretched across the crimson water, reaching out for Shinji. He screamed and attempted another escape, but his legs refused to listen.

“Help! Somebody, anybody!” Shinji screamed as the hand slowly approached him.

* * *

Kaworu had been studying the peaceful expression on Shinji's face, when suddenly it scrunched up in pain. Shinji's hand clutched at Kaworu’s in a death grip. Soon Shinji’s tossing and turning became frantic thrashing and the only thing that anchored him was Kaworu’s hand.

“Shinji? Can you hear me?” Kaworu urged, trying to wake him from his nightmare. He gave Shinji a little shake to wake him but to no avail. He wasn’t hyperventilating, so what was wrong?! 

“Shinji?” Kaworu decided to try a gentler approach. Wrenching his hand away from Shinji’s and firmly placed his hand his shoulder to attempt to halt the thrashing and his other hand cradled his cheek trying to soothe him. It seemed to work, Shinji slowly stilled at his touch and blindly tried to reach for Kaworu’s hand on his face. He lifted his other free hand and cradled it around Shinji’s other cheek, thumbing small circles on his temples “Shinji? Can you hear me?”

* * *

Shinji tried to brace himself for the inevitable; he was petrified as the giant Eva like creature loomed closer to him. It’s size seem to have dwarfed from its monstrous size as it inched closer, but it still held a significant mass. Fear swelled inside him as he shut his eyes, massive hands hovered on either side of his head. The creature’s head loomed closer toward Shinji, hovering mere feet from him. Shinji shivered under its piercing stare. He couldn’t move. He was stuck and going to die.

The creature slowly brought it’s hand over Shinji’s head and stilled. A strange feeling came over him. One moment he was paralyzed in fear, the next moment he was floating off the ground. 

”What the hell! Stop it!” Shinji screamed at the mindless creature. He was trapped in the air, floating closer to the creature that appeared to be composed of pure light. Shinji had to squint looking at it.“W-what do you want?!”

It didn’t answer and seemed to be examining him. Reaching out with its ghastly white hand, it slowly moved along his chest before merging into Shinji’s body. He cried out as it was explored his insides before setting in the abdomen. A searing white pain flared in his middle causing him to double over. He felt sick.

* * *

Kaworu jumped when Shinji violently twitched, sending a sudden shock to Kaworu’s hand.

The Angel cursed, retracting his stinging hand from Shinji. Kaworu peered down in alarm as he felt the faintest presence of something unlike himself. But the presence disappeared as soon as it came. Maybe it was his imagination; he was stressed beyond relief right now. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he was starting to imagine things. But he couldn’t shake the bad feeling.

“Shinji? Please, if you can hear me wake up.” Kaworu pleaded, shaking him again with more vigor. Something was wrong and he didn’t know what to do. Uselessness flooded over Kaworu. 

* * *

Shinji felt himself losing consciousness, all of his energy was being sapped from his body. He was even starting to imagine Kaworu’s voice.

 _“Shinji? Please, if you can hear me, please wake up!_ ” echoed Kaworu’s voice from above. Shinji cracked his eyes open in a feeble search for Kaworu. Something in his voice grounded him, senses starting to return. Shinji struggled in the hold of the creature as strength returned to him. Grasping at the ghostly white wrist, Shinji tried to rip it out of his body.

“Get! Out!” grunted Shinji. A power he had felt before resurfaced, filling his core with rage. His eyes flashed red as he let loose a feral cry. His arms flashed with an orange light that exploded from his fingertips in an octagonal pulse. The offending arm was blown off its body. The figure retracted the remainder of its arm and brought it sluggishly toward its face as if to inspect the torn limb. Shinji’s eyes still glowing red, sized up his enemy. A primal instinct possessed his body, slowing turning him into something - else.

* * *

Kaworu hovered over Shinji in distress, examining him. Shinji’s face was feverish, perspiration dotted his face and breathing had become ragged. He clutched on the sheets and held them until his knuckles turned white. Kaworu cautiously placed a hand on his face and was shocked at how hot it was. Normally all humans were definitely warmer than Angels, but his whole body seemed to emanate heat; too hot for a human to sustain. He rested his hand on Shinji’s forehead to cool him down. Shinji involuntarily leaned further into the touch like he could read Kaworu’s thoughts.

Fear gripped at his heart. What was wrong with him? What if he didn’t wake up? Everything was going so well. He couldn’t do this. _Not again._

“Shinji, please wake up...” begged Kaworu lowering his head onto Shinji’s forehead.

* * *

“Ka-Kaworu?” Shinji wondered, his eyes seemed to dim at the call of his name. That’s right; Kaworu was out there, trying to find him. What was he doing here? A soothing sensation flowed into his body and he felt himself calm. The fire in his eyes dulled out as he looked up at the sky, a ray of blue cracked in the blood red sky.

Shinji turned his head in time to see the ghostly figure move toward at him again. He closed his eyes and cried out Kaworu’s name one last time. _“Kaworu!”_

* * *

Shinji jerked awake lurching forward and, nearly ramming into said person.

“Shinji are you alright? You were having a nightmare.” Kaworu rambled, steading Shinji upright. Shinji’s clutched at his shirt gasping for air; lifting his head up looked at Kaworu like a godsend.

“It was a nightmare…oh thank God.” Shaking his head, Shinji gave Kaworu a shaky smile. But the smiled was wiped off his face when Kaworu pulled him into a tight embrace.

”K-Kaworu! U-mm-” Shinji was dumbstruck, blushing furiously with the older boy was nearly crushing him in a bear hug. He was stronger than he looked. Giving in, he hesitantly returned the hug, leaning his head on Kaworu’s shoulder. After a few moments he finally spoke up. “Sorry for worrying you, Kaworu. B-but I’m alright now.” Shinji assured. His cheeks were still flushed but his breathing evened out. 

Kaworu reluctantly released his hold on Shinji and looked at him skeptically. “Are you sure Shinji? The First found you unconscious on the floor and it also seems that you were ill.” Kaworu challenged. His hand shot up and felt Shinji’s forehead, feeling for a fever that wasn’t there. Shinji took Kaworu’s hand and gently pulled it away from his face.

Shinji gave him a confused look before the memories of the day came flashing back. Shinji groaned at his past actions. That was right; he did throw up this morning. But he felt perfectly fine now. A little bit tired and there was a nasty after taste in his mouth, but other than that he was ok. Better actually.

“I don’t know, but I feel better now.” Shinji stilled, thinking of an answer. “It might’ve just been anxiousness or something with the food maybe?” Shinji offered. Kaworu gazed at him judgmentally before accepting the answer.

 _“Anxiousness? For piloting the Eva?”_ That never crossed his mind before. 

“Well, yeah we still don’t know when it will be ready and I want to be prepared.” he confessed, blushing slightly. “I’ve been feeling jittery lately so maybe it just surfaced.” Shinji shrugged. It wouldn’t be the first time he had a breakdown.

Something about this strangely seemed to calm Kaworu’s mind, akin to the “A-ha” moment. He wasn’t thinking rationally. Shinji’s anxiety just triggered his own and was blowing things out of proportion. He must have imagined the presence. All that fuss was Shinji overworking himself, but he could help. Plus, how could he ignore that Shinji had just told him what was bothering him. It made him feel light-hearted that they had crossed another bridge. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, but don’t worry about piloting. Just focus on us being in synch together and everything will work out. You don’t need to worry yourself sick.” Kaworu assured, reaching out and lightly squeezing his hand in support.

“You're right.” Shinji said with a small smile, squeezing back.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what was your nightmare about? You were thrashing around.” Kaworu was still concerned about the almost presence of the something. He was hoping knowing the contents of his dream would fill in the blanks.

“Oh, I was?” Shinji cringed. God, he must have looked so stupid. “I don’t remember it at all, now that I think about it...” Shinji blushed, looking around embarrassed. All that drama for a dream he didn’t remember.

“Are you sure Shinji?” Kaworu frowned down at Shinji. The dream he had seemed too intense for it to be called nothing. No one just has fits likes that for no reason. He was going to press for more answers about the dream but was interrupted by Shinji.

“Yes, I didn't mean worry you.” Shinji said more confidently. He started to wobble out of the bed. Kaworu automatically held out a hand toward Shinji.

“I think you should stay and rest, just for good measure.” Kaworu lightly urged. He still had no idea what was going on or if it could happen again. He needed to look into this before they did anything else. 

“No, really I’m okay. We should be practicing anyway.” Shinji countered, waving his free hand in dismissal. Kaworu gave him a hard stare before agreeing. “I promise.” he said, still grasping Kaworu’s hand in earnest. Kaworu smiled and squeezed back reassuringly. 

Kaworu put on his best smile, but behind it he was masking an uneasy feeling. Something had changed and he needed to figure out what before the fateful day. For now, he would just have to keep a more observant eye on Shinji incase this ever happened again. Who knows, maybe it had something to do with a random imbalance in his body. One just doesn't come back from not having a physical body without a few kinks along the way. Or it could have just been his anxiety? Either way it was just a bump in the grand scheme of things. No need to worry- too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe. Don't Look at me.


	3. The Unwelcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu finds out that being an angel is not all it's cracked up to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ill post this before I crash for the night

Shinji was not fine he concluded, whilst hugging the toilet for dear life. This was the eight day in a row that he had woken up sick and although the nausea wasn't as bad like the first day, it was still a hindrance. And hoy boy, this sickness was not limited to the morning too. Any time of day he would be overcome with bouts of nausea, but as soon as it came it was gone. He only threw up, when it was really bad - like right now.

Shinji weakly brought his head up catching some much needed air. His head rested heavily on his forearms in search of some comfort, while his mind raced on how this could have happen to him.

His days seemed to consist of taking multiple trips to the bathroom either to throw up or relieve himself. Plus, there was the random dizzy spells that he had to deal with now. Too many times than he was proud of; Shinji nearly landed on his face from getting too lightheaded and nearly passing out.

But Kaworu was always there to catch him before he broke his face or cracked his head open from all the near faints. Afterwards he would get a whole lecture from Kaworu on how he should be more careful or should rest more. It just made him furious and embarrassed that he kept doing these dumb things, especially in front of Kaworu.

He moaned as his stomach coiled into more knots. Shinji grit his teeth, feeling it tighten and contract for the hundredth time before the contents of his stomach came surging to the surface. Groaning he leaned over the toilet again, noisily emptying whatever he had eaten the previous night.

Moments passed before Shinji rose up gasping for breath, but he couldn't catch a break. Shinji's body lurched as he dry heaved; his poor stomach trying to force out food that was no longer there. He hovered over the toilet, waiting hopelessly for the nausea to fade. 

He coughed up the last of the bile and then cleared his throat. Shinji shuddered as the familiar grogginess settled in while he slid off the edge of the toilet. With extreme effort he weakly raised a hand to flush.

God, he wanted to die. This was horrible. Shinji was so tired of not keeping anything down or not knowing the cause of this sickness. Thoroughly exhausted he curled around himself breathing heavy.

His face was too warm, sweat was clinging on his forehead and his body felt like jelly. Shinji rubbed his abdomen in small circles to relive some of the discomfort. Maybe this was the Curse of the Eva that Asuka was talking about? He tried to stand up, but found it too strenuous. Defeated, he plopped back on the floor, finding relief on the cool tiles.

 _“I hope this wears off soon, I don’t want to worry Kaworu anymore.”_ He thought as he closed his eyes, feeling the exhaustion pulling him under. But his impromptu nap was interrupted when he felt cool hands rubbing his back.

“Is this better Shinji?” murmured Kaworu, a concerned look strewed on his face. Startled, Shinji yelped in response. He would have jumped out of his skin if he wasn't so tired. Wide blue eyes looked up apologetically at Kaworu.

“Ye-Yes! Um, thank you-”

“This has been going on since you were first ill, right?” Kaworu’s face was calm, but his voice told another story. Shinji adverted his eyes as he felt his face heat up in embarrassment for being scolded.

“Maybe, but I’m fine!” sputtered Shinji. To prove a point, he hopped to his feet and instantly regretted it. His vision blurred and the ground was suddenly coming at him. But strong hands instinctively reached out and caught Shinji by his shoulders before he hit the floor. 

“Shinji!”

“Okay – maybe you’re right.” Shinji sighed in defeat, looking down at his shoes.

Kaworu looked at him with pity. Shinji looked—unwell. There were bags under his eyes, sweat dripping from his brow, and his complexion had paled considerable. His appearance had matched his recent sluggish demeanor. As if Kaworu didn’t notice the effort it took him to do simple tasks nowadays or how he would vanish at odd points in the day and return sputtering out apologies? He had been tight lipped about his observations and could not hold it in anymore. “Shinji, you know you can tell me anything. You've been acting differently recently.” said Kaworu gently.

A troubled expression crossed Shinji as he looked at Kaworu. He knew he could trust him, but felt silly discussing his fear that this illness wouldn't go away and that he might die. His face dropped at the thought.

“Shinji?” Kaworu spoke softly, leaning closer and turning himself to face Shinji. He looked like he was in a stupor, pondering whether to tell Kaworu his fears or not. Straightening up Shinji spoke his mind.

“The truth is I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it’s not like there’s anyone here to diagnose me like Dr. Akagi.” Shinji shrugged, glancing at the ground with a sudden interest. 

Kaworu pursed his lips in silent agreement. There _was_ no one here that could treat him. The only other souls he ever saw were the first’s clone, _him_ , and the faithful assistant. True, there were still workers at NERV when he first arrived and halted the Third Impact, but the Lilin fizzled out with the true colors of their once beloved organization were realized. But only because no one was here didn't mean that they couldn't find the answers themselves.

“Shinji, come with me.” Kaworu said, standing up with an air of confidence. He extended his hand toward the brunet expectantly.

Shinji hesitantly looked at the offered hand and then back at Kaworu, before taking it. He followed Kaworu, but not before stopping by the sink to wash out his mouth first. Once done they continued out the bathroom down the corridor.

As they walked, Shinji kept his mouth shut while questions fluttered through his head, but allowed on to slip. "Is there someone you know that can help?”

“Yes, ourselves, together I believe that we can find the answers Shinji.” He tilted his head in surprise but kept following the leisurely pace. They continued down the halls until they reached what Shinji had deemed the “library” since his stay at NERV. Books were skewed across the way, littering the halls and corridors. He felt his stomach drop; the books reminded him of her.

“ _She never even touched the books…No, it’s because she wasn’t ordered too; because she was a replacement for the real Rei.”_ Shinji’s faced soured, thinking bitterly about her.

“Shinji?” piped Kaworu, looking back to face him concerned.

“Oh. It’s nothing. I just caught on what you’re thinking.” Shinji said with a small smile. If no one was here to help them, they would help themselves and do it together. Kaworu returned the smile and squeezed Shinji’s hand reassuringly.

“Well, shall we get to work?” chirped Kaworu, releasing Shinji’s hand to look through the first of the many piles of books. There had to be medical books here somewhere, and once they found them, they would figure out what was ailing Shinji. He heard the shuffling of books and a distinct sigh from Shinji as he stared down at another pile.

“This could take forever…” Shinji huffed in dismay.

Kaworu replied with a small chuckle. “Well, I think spending forever with you wouldn’t be so bad.”

Shinji bolted up right, gawking at Kaworu in disbelief. Did he really just- Was that- A giant blush spread across his face while stuttering unintelligibly. “I-I mean- I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. Being with y-you...y-yeah!” Kaworu had to suppress another laugh. He was too cute when flustered.

“I-I think I’ll check over here!” squeaked Shinji high tailing it out of there. Kaworu lightly chuckled to himself watching dutiful as Shinji scurried away in a cute fashion. But fun times had to be stalled. Sighing he turned his attention back to the stack of books piled around. There had to be an easier way to find the books.

* * *

Shinji was at his wits end with these goddamn books, if he had to see one more it would be too soon. He was currently crouched down shifting through the masses of books in hopes of finding more medical books. He had found some, but not enough to his liking.

“This is so boring, I wonder how Kaworu is doing?” grumbled Shinji. He stood up and stretched lazily. The last he saw of him, Kaworu had wondered off further into the discarded bookshelves. His eyes roamed over the books he collected so far. He sighed as he picked up the books and moved to a slightly more comfortable location, settling down. Shinji continued to grumble, thumbing through the materials numbly. 

He passed through the books looking up the symptoms he was displaying. Addison Disease, anaphylaxis, brain hemorrhage, ear infection, intracranial hematoma, rotavirus etc. All of these meant nothing to him and he was growing tired reading through every little detail of it. He was sure he had never heard of half of these aliments.

If anything he only had one or two symptoms, and that was all, he didn't have the others, which Shinji was grateful for. But it left him stumped, what was wrong with him? He looked over at the books again when a familiar feeling passed over him. Shinji groaned as a small wave of nausea worked its way through his body. He took shallow breaths again and stopped all movement; he continued this until he felt the wave ebbing away.

“ _This is getting ridiculous.”_ Shinji thought irritably. Maybe it was time to call it quits for today. He got to his feet and was about to look for Kaworu when a book caught his eye. He didn’t know why he felt the urge to pick it up, but it looked like some form of a medical book. Lazily he bent down to pick it up and froze.

_What to Expect When You’re Expecting._ Gawking at the book his heart clenched; a sudden unease wormed its way in while looking at the book.

 _“It’s just a stupid book, there’s no way in the world I could be pregnant. Get it together, I’m a guy, and guys can’t get pregnant.”_ His mind chastised at him. Shinji opened the book, mindlessly flipping through the pages. He had no idea why he was looking at it, but half of him felt detached skimming it and the other half felt unconventional fear.

 _“During the first week of pregnancy your body is gearing up for making room for the baby…bleeding lasting five to seven days. Nope didn’t have that. Week Two: There will be an increase of…cervical mucus. Ah gross!”_

Shinji face paled as he promptly halted his reading, but was compelled to continue. _“Week 3, Week 4, blag blah blah Week 5 Symptoms: nausea, frequent urination, fatigue, excess saliva, aversion to certain foods…Wait a minute.”_

Shinji stopped once again, that sounded all too familiar. His heart leaped into his throat, there was no way in hell that he could be pregnant…that didn’t stop his mind trying to rationalize it. 

_”Stop. You had sex, but you can’t get pregnant. Get it together Shinji.”_ His minded echoed angrily.

“Shinji did you find anything?”

Shinji screamed bloody murder, jumping back and chucked the book in the process. He quickly turned around to face the voice, clutching a hand over his pounding heart.

“Ah, I’m so sorry Shinji. I didn't mean to startle you.” Kaworu smiled apologetically. He mentally kicked himself for not making his presence known. He forgot how light his footsteps were compared to a Lilin’s. Shinji seemed to calm down and weakly laughed waving Kaworu off.

“Its’ fine, I was just surprised is all.” Shinji sighed. His eyes looked down toward the book and stared at it for a hot moment before Kaworu spoke up.

“What were you reading?” Kaworu mused, gaze hovering toward the discarded book. Shinji almost had another mini heart attack and jumped in front of Kaworu. If he saw the book he was reading- Shinji was sure he would die of embarrassment on the spot. Would Kaworu think he was dumb for even considering pregnancy…probably?

“Oh, nothing really, it was just a dumb book! There was nothing useful in it!” Shinji insisted, glancing back to the book then to Kaworu. The white haired boy tilted his head and tried to glance at the discarded book that Shinji was so insistent on dropping the topic. But Shinji snapped him back to attention. “So, did you find anything Kaworu?”

“I found some medical journals, and texts that may help, I haven’t read them yet.” Kaworu declared, dropping the book for now. Shinji sighed, having the topic adverted.

“Oh, that’s good, maybe we could read them later, it is getting dark out soon…” Shinji drifted between the books and the corridor looking sheepishly. Kaworu, picking up the hint reached down for the books that Shinji had found and started off. “Ah, you don’t have to do that! I can carry them!” Shinji stammered while trying to grab at the books in Kaworu’s hands. But he gracefully moved out of Shinji’s path.

“Its’ fine, you look tired anyway. We wouldn’t want you to overexert yourself.” Kaworu said promptly, walking forward.

“I don’t look that tired, I feel fine.” Kaworu turned and raised a brow. “Well, I’m not exactly fine right now, but I will be.” Shinji sighed and followed Kaworu.

The walk to Shinji’s room was quiet and peaceful. He hadn’t realized how late it was getting, the sun was already setting. They had walked back were Kaworu had his stash of books and had a little dispute when Shinji dared to pick them up. In the end they both walked back to Shinji’s room with an equal share of material.

“Thanks for the help Kaworu.” Shinji said while stepping into the room.

“No problem at all Shinji.” Kaworu replied. He deposited the books on the little blue stool near the bed. “Do you want me to keep your books here with me or…?” Shinji wandered off.

“I think that I’ll take the books to my room and read through them a bit.” Kaworu said off handily, extending his arm toward Shinji’s hands open to take the books. Shinji deflated and hesitantly gave the heavy books to Kaworu. In reality, he was hoping that they could read through the books together, even though the circumstances of why they were reading the books could have been better.

“Oh, okay.” A defeated Shinji mumbled as a small pout spread on his face.

“Did you want to do something differently?" Kaworu smiled.

“Oh, well I thought we could look at them tomorrow together or something.” Shinji blushed, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Kaworu thought about it for a moment before answering.

“That sounds alright, it’s a date then.” Kaworu said pleasantly, his face brightening up at the “together” part, while Shinji blushed at the “date” part in return. “Now I think you should eat dinner and get some rest.”

Shinji’s cheeks colored with the slightest hint of green at the mention of dinner. Usually anytime he tried to eat something, he would spend a good chuck of the night in the bathroom hacking it up. The only thing he could tolerate was the white paste, which he suspected was rice. Kaworu noticed Shinji’s discomfort look at the food remark and felt his hidden worry hit tenfold.

“ _Has he not been eating in fear of being sick? Is he able to hold anything down? How long can the average human survive without food?”_ Stress was nipping at his heels as he looked at Shinji in fear that he would drop the second he looked away.

“Have you been eating anything at all?” question Kaworu softly. Shinji stiffened and bowed his head in embarrassment. Kaworu’s answer was met with silence. Piercing red eyes bored into the top of Shinji’s downcast head.

“…”

“Shinji.” Kaworu demanded softly, like a parent that had caught their child in a lie.

“I've been eating - well, only the white paste, sometimes the green one.” Shinji’s face heated up, eyes roaming around the room. He wanted to lie and say he was eating everything to calm Kaworu, but something compelled him to tell the truth. Kaworu had what could only be identified as displeasure, whether at him or his answer. He involuntary shrunk back toward the bed in fear of rejection.

Kaworu felt his face soften when he saw Shinji shrink away from him. Way to scare him off. The Angel’s face turned neutral as he talked back to Shinji.

“So you have been eating something?” A small nod was his answer. “Well that’s good I supposed, but I think we should discuss more in the morning. There are things I want to look into.” His voice was calm and collected but with a hint of suspicion.

Shinji nodded at his remark. So he wasn’t mad at him. _“That’s good at least.”_ He thought. He wanted to ask what he meant by “looking into things” but decided to save it for another day. The room then followed in to an uncomfortable silence. Shinji absent mildly rubbed his arm in discomfort.

Both jumped at the sudden intrusion of the automatic food tray. Shinji reluctantly looked at the food tray and groaned. The smell putting off what little appetite he held. He involuntarily gagged as his stomach coiled at the smell. Shinji’s hand shot up to his mouth and shut his eyes, the other hand clutched at his abdomen trying not to throw up.

The sound of dropping books caused Shinji to flinch as he felt nimble fingers gently guided Shinji on the bed and rubbed circled on his back trying to soothe him. Shinji looked to the side and saw Kaworu’s worried expression written on his face. God, he didn’t want to throw up, not in front of Kaworu.

Both sat on the bed, Kaworu talking about piano composition and what not’s, just noise to pass the time until some color returned to Shinji’s face. Kaworu stood up and took the food tray and left the room and Shinji confused. He quickly felt his nausea fade away and boldly dropped his hand from his mouth.

“Kaworu?” Shinji asked, staring at the door expectantly. As he shakily stood up, Kaworu re-entered the room only to return with the offending food substances gone. “You didn’t have to do that Kaworu.” Shinji drifted, he was embarrassed enough as it is. Kaworu shook his head in return, handing the food tray to Shinji.

“It’s alright, I wanted to do this for you.” Signature smile on his face, he sat next to Kaworu and waited. Shinji looked at him perplexed. Kaworu looked at the food then at Shinji expectantly.

_Oh._ Shinji’s ears were burning from embarrassment; Kaworu wasn't going to leave until Shinji ate all of his food and proved that he was alright. With hesitation he scooped a reasonable amount of white paste and cautiously ate it.

Both waited a few moments before Shinji continued to eat. It was embarrassing for Kaworu to treat Shinji like a child, but he understood the reasoning for it. He managed to eat everything without getting sick or throwing the food away, so he thought it was a job well done. Shinji placed the tray on the heap of books lying on the little blue stool. With Shinji’s meal done Kaworu stood up.

“Well, then I guess I’ll take my leave.” Kaworu nodded his head at Shinji and was about to make his way to the door gathering his books when Shinji stuttered out a reply.

“Um, thank you for everything you've done, I really appreciate it and I know it must be really bothersome…” Shinji’s eyes drifted to the floor. He really was a bother now that he thought about; why did Kaworu want him around so much again? He glanced up when he heard light footsteps approach him. Kaworu placed a hand on Shinji’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“There’s no need to thank me, I would do anything for you, all you need to do is ask.” Shinji stared at Kaworu, sincerity in his face and felt his eyes were getting hot. He didn’t deserve this kindness, not for what he’d done. A lump was caught in his throat, and while his mind was trying to say thank you, his body did something else entirely.

Shinji clumsily launched himself at Kaworu and embraced him. Kaworu felt his heart flutter, as he looked down at the Shinji clinging to him, making sure this was real. He couldn’t remember the last time they were ever like this; Shinji rarely ever was the one to instigate contact with him before- unless it was a confrontation.

Completely in awe, he quickly returned the hug in all earnestly and cherished it. But the moment was shattered when he felt the unknown presence rear its ugly head. Kaworu’s eyes widened when he felt it pool around Kaworu’s torso. He looked down and he felt his blood freeze, the strange energy was centered in Shinji’s middle. This _was_ coming from Shinji. It was an A.T. Field but it wasn’t Shinji’s. At the same moment Shinji looked up from Kaworu’s shoulder and stared with hazy eyes before he realized he was clutching onto him.

“Ah, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” Shinji leapt out of the Kaworu’s arms and backed away. The energy disappeared like it was never there. Kaworu just stared at him blankly before shaking his head.

“It’s alright Shinji, I appreciate the gesture.” A calculated smile spread on his face while his mind was screaming at him to kill whatever was in Shinji. His mind and body was at odds with each other. Fight or flight? Kill on sight and risk being exposed or wait it out for another day?

Kaworu bent down to retrieve his books that were now useless to him, turning he gave a small nod as he reached the door. “Good night Shinji.” Flight it was.

Shinji slouched, feeling sad at their premature departure, but he return the courtesy and looked up at Kaworu.

“Good night Kaworu, I’ll see you in the morning right?” Kaworu nodded and smiled heading through the automatic door. Shinji watched as he left and slowly sank into his bed, suddenly feeling tired. _“Well that went well.”_ Shinji thought as he felt the day barreling through his body.

Trying to keep his eyes open was a challenge. It was futile; he barely had time to settle in the covers before falling into a dreamless sleep. 

* * *

Kaworu trekked to his room with a grim expression on his face.

 _“This is not good at all.”_ He thought bitter. That _thing_ that was in Shinji was not natural. It being one of the different Angels that now littered this red earth. Maybe, somehow it got into Shinji’s system and was causing him to become ill, masking its presence inside Shinji’s A.T. Field. But the only way to be sure would to _rip_ through Shinji’s A.T. Field. Kaworu stopped in his tracks.

He could never bring himself to hurt Shinji in that way, the result would leave Shinji in a catatonic state if done the wrong way. He still remembered the Eva Unit-02 pilot's run in with Arael. He could sync with Shinji’s Field and try to rip out the Angel, but that might alarm it and try to harm Shinji further.

Damn, there was no way to get near it without Shinji being injured as an end result.

 _“Maybe it could be something else, but what?”_ Kaworu racked his brain for anything before he wandered into the “Library” Shinji had been earlier.

Great, he couldn’t walk and think in a straight line. He was about to head back to his room when he realized he had walked into the space where Shinji had searched. His eyed wandered over to the discarded book that Shinji had discarded earlier. Crouching down, he lifted the dusty thing and read the title aloud.

“What to Expect When Expecting?” Kaworu frowned at the book. Why was Shinji so spooked about this? Absentmindedly he flipped through the book harmlessly.

Kaworu was about to drop the book when he flipped through the symptoms of the early stages of pregnancy. He scoffed forcing himself to drop the book back on the floor. This was silly, that’s why Shinji threw it earlier.

He _may _have had sex with Shinji, even though he didn’t remember it or how it was brought on. But that couldn’t mean he could get pregnant. It was impossible for one simple reason, there were both biologically males.__

No- this is beyond ridiculous. Something invaded Shinji, it was not a baby.

But there was a gap in his memory where anything could have happened. Kaworu stopped in his tracks. What if the missing link was another factor? Their missing memory could be part of some ploy by HIM. Kaworu frowned, everything was bluntly pointed to The King of Lilin for the root of all their problems. He had to be responsible for whatever was happening to Shinji.

Could he leave Shinji alone and defenseless? Is this what he wanted?

Anxiety erupted in his body as more questions piled in his head. He couldn’t control the jitteriness of his body. Kaworu’s need to see Shinji went into override.

He had to check on him.

Wasting no time, he made a beeline straight to Shinji’s door. With an automatic click the door opened to reveal Shinji sleeping soundly. Kaworu quietly stalked over to his sleeping form and hovered. Slowly he reached out and brushed his bangs back lovingly. Shinji was always a light sleeper, it was strange that he hadn’t woken up yet by his presence.

He gazed at Shinji’s face and sighed. His expression turned serious, his hand moved over to the source and hovered inches before Kaworu activated his A.T. Field. It projected outward, lightly making contact with Shinji.

It’s response was immediate.

It manipulated Shinji’s Field from within and collided with Kaworu’s Field as it feebly tried to push it back. Kaworu could see it as clear as day now. It was a tiny thing, latched on like a tumor. No wonder he couldn’t detected it normally. It was hiding behind Shinji as it's unwilling shield.

 _“This is a problem.”_ Kaworu thought irritably.

Kaworu prodded again and this time it fully revealed itself now that it’s cloaking was disrupted. Shinji’s manipulated A.T. Field pulsated rapidly before bursting forward in an iridescent light trying to shred him to pieces

 _“That won’t work.”_ Kaworu deflected it seamlessly, it was inexperienced and could be stopped. A thought crossed Kaworu’s head and he sighed. He didn’t want to try it but it was his only option.

 _“Forgive me Shinji.”_ Kaworu silently apologized. He morphed his A.T. Field, twisting it until it resembled an iridescent hand. The field plunged down, resonating with Shinji’s Field as he tried to pull out the threat.

Shinji suddenly moved, lunging forward to grab hold of Kaworu's arm. Reflexively, Kaworu invoked his Field creating a small rift between him and Shinji's death like grip.

Kaworu's heart thudded painfully in his chest in panic. Shinji's A.T. Field was tightly wrapped around himself like a second skin, amplifying his strength. At the center of all of it was that _thing_ pulling the strings from within. Kaworu whispered cautiously. "Shinji?"

He didn't respond, instead he clutched harder with strength that a human wasn't capable of displaying. Kaworu stiffened as the first layer of the Field began to cave, cracks forming underneath the strain. 

Kaworu's eyes narrowed at his wrist, and then back to Shinji's ridged form. _"Show yourself."_ Kaworu hissed in his true langue. 

Shinji's head jerked- slowing rising up to reveal hazy blue eyes staring blankly at him. Something inside Kaworu broke at that dead expression. It was the very thing he was trying to protect Shinji from. And now this thing was dangling his failures in front of him.

Kaworu's fight or flight responses returned. If he tried anything there was no guarantee that it wouldn't harm Shinji in the process. It was using Shinji's soul and body as a shield. If he did nothing and left things to chance...which had never gone smoothly with him what would happpen? But Shinji was at stake so...

Defeated, Kaworu reluctantly suppressed his Field, drifting a few inches back. As expected, the second he did, the other Field disappeared. Shinji’s grip slacked, and he fell back onto the bed with a plop. Back in a deep sleep. Kaworu felt himself slump on the foot of Shinji’s bed, gazing at Shinji with listless eyes.

He didn’t know what to do. His mind was swimming with possible ideas to save him from a fresh new hell. Anxiousness filled his body in preparation of something to set off a chain of events. Absentmindedly, he reached for Shinji’s hand, holding it to anchor himself down. The warmth felt reassuring.

He needed to get rid of this thing. But he couldn’t without going through Shinji in the process. Fuck. He was at an impasse. All he could do was wait for morning to shed some new light on this new development. Or wake up from this nightmare.

Settling on his new spot on the floor, Kaworu laid his head on the bed and tried to focus. His thoughts drifting from possible outcome to another until all thoughts shifted to Shinji. The sole reason he was in this world.

"I will fix this Shinji, if it’s the last thing I do.” Kaworu promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu done goofed.


	4. A Brand New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu gets a rude awakening and Shinji and his father have a nice chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited it.

The next morning was absolutely horrible for Kaworu. Dark circles were under his crimson eyes from the lack of sleep and his back was stiff from laying on the side of the bed for hours.

All in all it had been a shitty night.

Kaworu looked heavenward hoping the answers would fall onto his lap. Unsurprisingly nothing happened. Dejected, he turned his head toward Shinji sleeping soundly above him. He seemed so at peace, Kaworu found himself smiling at Shinji longingly.

Too bad he had no idea that there was something invading his body and could possibly kill him. The Angel frowned at his morbid train of thought.

Silently he stood up on wobbly feet, reluctantly unlacing his hand from Shinji’s limp one. He needed to be gone before he woke up. Walking solemnly to the door, Kaworu stopped and glanced at Shinji one last time. He tried to ingrain this moment in memory for as long as it would last. With a reluctant sigh, he left the room to make his way to the piano area to clear his head.

His eyes peered out at the sky, it was nearly dusk out as he wandered through the silence of NERV.

His thoughts haunted him as he slumped on the stool and propped his elbows on the piano cover. The next second he lost all composure and cradled his head on his hands repressing the urge to scream.

What was he going to do? What could he do? Should he tell Shinji or would it be better for him not knowing?

This was an anomaly. Never before in any timeline had this happened. What changed? Who interfered? He groaned louder, feeling uselessness overwhelm his senses. Questions continued to buzz around his head producing a major headache.

Closing his eyes, he tried to clear his mind. But the next second he opened his eyes it was brighter out.

Kaworu glanced begrudgingly at the brightening sky again and noticed the sun was rising. Great, what a wonderful way to spend the night. He moaned, head falling back in place on the piano. Letting his lids fall he tried to calm himself to be coherent enough to pass for a human being.

Everything was quiet, he could focus and - oh wait.

Kaworu sighed as he felt the presence not unlike himself approach him at a steady pace, light footsteps echoing in the broken halls. He slowly opened his eyes and the view of the sky was blocked as the First Child came into view over him.

_What now?_

“Yes, First?” Kaworu murmured biting back malice. He was not in a good mood to be bothered by her at the moment. He had other things to worry about other than whatever she was ordered to do.  


But Rei was unmoving, a blank expression on her face. Kaworu sighed; obviously she wouldn’t be swayed to leave so easily. He slowly rose to his feet and stretched halfheartedly, taking up as much time as possible. Ayanami stood watching him with indifference. While Kaworu started patting down his pants to buy more time, Rei finally spoke.  


“He requests your presence in the main hall.” Kaworu stiffened, mind on full alert now. This was _really_ turning out to be a great day. He automatically straightened up, eyeing Rei suspiciously. “Ikari-kun is already on his way there.”

Kaworu’s heart stopped.  


“What?!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice but Shinji and the King of Lilin in one place always ended badly. He was supposed to be there to be a life line!  


“Why didn’t you get me first?” She always had, so why was it different now. She look at him unconcerned toward Kaworu’s hostility.

“You were not in your room, so I went to get Ikari-kun.” Kaworu was having a mini panic attack in his mind.  


“I told Ikari-kun that he was requested. And then I went looking for you.” Finished with her monologue she turned around and headed for the main hall, having accomplished her orders. Kaworu tailed after her in silence, mood souring.  


Just as he thought his day could not possible be worse, he saw Shinji outside of the main hall door. A smile spread on Kaworu’s face monetarily before he noticed how Shinji fidgeted around nervously and thoughtlessly rubbed his chest and collar bone. That was a new quirk. Though he didn’t look as tired as he usually was as of late, which was a good sign. Kaworu instantly perked up.

“Shinji.” He stopped his musings and looked at Kaworu in alarm and then relaxed; a smile spreading on his face. Kaworu felt his heart melt at that smile.  


“Kaworu! Oh- you too.” There was a bitter tone in his voice, but Kaworu knew it was targeted at the First. She didn’t even acknowledge the spite in his voice. Kaworu walked closer to Shinji and stopped. He looked better than he did the past few days, but he still looked undoubtedly tired and pale. In his excitement he forgot all about his troubles. For some reason Kaworu could not feel the presence like the night before. Maybe it was all in his head. Or…  


“Kaworu? Is something wrong?” Kaworu shook his head and moved closer to Shinji so there was little distance apart from one another. Cautiously, Kaworu placed his hands on Shinji’s shoulders. Shinji looked down at the offending hand, flustered at the sudden contact and quickly glanced at Kaworu. He let down a low level Field that Shinji couldn’t pick up. Fear and regret welled up in Kaworu’s chest. The same presence flared up, but only faintly. With a disappointed sigh he disbursed his own field.  


“Kaworu…are you alright?” Shinji gave him a bewildered expression.  


“Ah, forgive me Shinji, I didn’t get a proper amount of sleep last night," With a tight smiled Kaworu cocked his head trying to hide his displeasure of it being real. But at least he was telling the truth about that. Shinji tentatively inched closer inspecting him like he was the sick one. He hoped the bags under his eyes weren’t too noticeable."I’m fine, do not worry about me, I should be worried about you. How are you feeling?” 

“Okay I guess...better than before?” Shinji mumbled.

“We should be going.” She said walking past them. The giant doors nosily ground open and the pilots stepped forward into the middle of the platform. Kaworu’s eyes adjusted in the dark. He was used to it by now but noticed Shinji squinting in the vauge light, nervously glancing around the room for him. Kaworu shifted his eyes to see the First who showed no discomfort in her environment.  


A loud click announced his presence. The single light shone down on him in a mock version of an angel sent from heaven. Kaworu let his neutral expression settle on his face, but furrowed his brow at the sight of Shinji fidgeting when his father appeared. Pity and anger ate away at him.  


“Shinji.”  


“Father.”

The silence was suffocating. Neither human backed down. The game had begun again. Shinji scowled at his father with distain and then glanced at Rei while he was at it. His father appeared still as statue, expression lost between his visor.  


“Shinji, you are well aware of your purpose for being here, correct?” questioned the man, finally looking down to acknowledge his son. Shinji opened and closed his fist in anticipation.  


“Yes. I’m here to pilot the Eva, it’s always been to pilot the Eva.” Shinji snapped. Fury flashed across his face as his fists were clenched at his sides. No doubt if he was within Shinji’s reach he would have punched him and Kaworu would be cheering in the distance.

“As it so happens, you are no longer needed for that task until deemed necessary.” Everyone was taken back, even the First. Piloting the Eva’s were all that there were sought out for. What was the purpose of having Shinji here then? Shinji looked around the compound and felt utterly confused. More so, in the dark than when he had first woken up on the Wunder. _Was this all a joke?_  


“What? But I thought you needed me to-” Shinji fumbled with his words before his father cut him off.  


“You are to be on standby until certain preparations are completed.”  


Shinji frowned. What the hell did that mean? He glared back at his father and spoke. “What preparations? Who is going to pilot the new Eva then? I thought that’s why I was here?!” His voice getting louder with each accusation. He needed Eva 13 to pull the spears out and fix the world. How was he supposed to do that without Kaworu? Shinji shot Kaworu a panic look. This wasn’t going right! The Angel in return seemed unfazed by Shinji's pleading look.  


“A new Eva is being constructed for you and you alone. In the meantime they will be appointed to Eva 13.” His head nudged toward the two albinos behind Shinji. The spotlight flickered toward them in unison.  


Kaworu side glanced at the first who looked blankly ahead. Why were they partnered together? What was this special Eva they were creating? What was he planning to do to Shinji?  


“What is the hell is this?!” shouted Shinji, did he have to ruin everything, the world wasn’t enough? Shinji had to resist the urge to stomp his foot in anger. What was wrong with this man?  


“…”

 _“How have you been feeling Shinji?”_ He asked almost smugly. The color in Shinji’s face drained completely. Kaworu stiffened from behind him. They both had not been expecting that, even Rei couldn’t stifle her stunned reaction from her.

“What?” Shinji was floored. In all his years had never heard his father voice concern over him, not even once. He turned to look to Kaworu, eyes pleading to help him. Kaworu in turn felt helpless looking at Shinji. He never predicted this outcome. Shinji hesitantly looked back at his father and saw his him still waiting for an answer.  


“I…Um” Should he lie and say he was fine or tell the truth and tell him he felt like he was going to die. Maybe he knew about the Curse of the Eva and could maybe possibly…help him?  


Kaworu’s mind was on overdrive. What was the purpose of him knowing about Shinji’s wellbeing? He never cared in the past so why was it so important now?  


Oh no.  


He had done something. Kaworu’s eyes peered at Gendo. Was this man so deranged that he somehow planned all of this. His blood began to boil as he tried to keep his composure. The prominent question still hung over Kaworu’s head. Why? Why all this? What was he planning to do with Shinji? He glanced back at Shinji in worry. There was no way he was asking about him from the goodness of his heart.  


“I-I...” Shinji stammered at a loss for words.  


Kaworu almost wanted to scream in protest as Shinji continued to converse with this vile man.  


“I’m…fine?” Shinji said with uncertainty. Kaworu felt a weight lifted off his chest.  


“I mean, I’ve been better.” Shinji mumbled, straining to keep eye contact with his father. Gendo lifted a brow. Even from this distance he could see Shinji squirming where he stood.  


“Really, I’ve heard different from Rei.” He challenged with a smirk.

Kaworu felt the weight come back and crash though his chest. He knew and now all of this was going to be more difficult. His eyes shifted to her again, restraining anger. Her focus was on Shinji’s father. She looked confused that she was brought up, but covered it up as fast as it came. Shinji sputtered. He talked to the replacement Rei, but not his own son.  


“That will be all, until you are needed again.” He said sternly.  


“But wait! Fath-” It was too late. The overhead light shut off and he was gone. Alone in the dark again. Shinji couldn’t feel anger or even sadness as he disappeared without a word…again. He was still worried about how his father showing concern for him. Part of him, pitifully felt happy that he had asked about his wellbeing. But the more logical part of him felt something sinister was happening behind the scenes.  


Did his father do something to him? He was unconscious for quite a bit before Rei brought him to his father. He could have done something like drug him or infuse him with something. Shinji felt his acceptance turn into dread. _What did he do to me?_. He felt that his chest was too tight and began to hyperventilate. The dark room felt like it was closing in all around him.  


“Shinji, I’m right here.” Kaworu reassured gently while ushering Shinji out of the conference room. He needed to get him out of the toxic environment. Kaworu could tell he was becoming undone at the seams.  


“Kaworu, you don’t think that- no.” Shinji chastised himself, he would not bring Kaworu into this mess. It was between him and his father.  


“What is it Shinji?” Kaworu’s chest tightened. Knowing what was wrong before he could even ask.  


“It’s fine…don’t worry about it.” Shinji lied. He cursed that he couldn’t keep eye contact with at all. Kaworu lightly pressed again for more answers.  


“Shinji, you know you can tell me whatever’s on your mind.” He pressed, softly squeezing Shinji’s shoulders.  


“I…you’ll think I’m crazy!” Shinji whirled his face away, embarrassed he even thought of such things. Kaworu placed his hand on Shinji’s face, urging him to continue.  


“I think my father did something to me- while I was unconscious. It could explain why I’ve been feeling sick.” Shinji quickly looked and searched Kaworu’s face for any indication he was going to call him an idiot or say he was going crazy.  


He could never say Shinji couldn’t catch on. He would find out something was wrong eventually. Kaworu was having an internal battle with himself. Tell or not tell Shinji the truth, this was the perfect chance. But the words refused to leave his throat. He knew the multiple reactions how could receive, and none of them were pleasant. The rejection would kill him. So he decided on the half-truth.  


“I cannot say for sure, Shinji. He is a man who will stop at nothing to accomplish his goal.” Kaworu said coolly, frowning at the thought of him.  


Shinji nodded in agreement looking at the ground in deep thought. Kaworu felt his chest tighten at how easily Shinji believed him. Even if it he was telling him a half-truth.

”I feel - sick.” Shinji said, voice wavering. He felt his stomach twist into a multitude of knots. “I’m sorry!” Shinji apologized as he sprinted down the hall. 

“Shinji!” Kaworu instinctively reached out toward him in case he fainted again. But Shinji broke away sputtering out a hasty apology. Kaworu resisted the urge to follow Shinji and could only watch as he ran off further and further away from him.

He stalled. He should tell him that something had taken over his body, but how to bring up the topic? _"Shinji I couldn’t help notice that there is an Angel like creature inhabiting your body. How do I know that? Well I’m an Angel of course._ " Kaworu let out a small frustrated sigh. He knew what he had to do and was reluctant to seek guidance from them. 

Sucking up most of his pride, the Angel’s mind went on autopilot as he was drawn to the piano room. Putting on his mask of indifference, he made his way; dreading every step as he took before he was standing alone in the open room.

Kaworu closed his eyes, concentrating on the familiar feeling of him entering a different space. When the Angel opened them, he was surrounded by seven giant black monoliths bearing down at him.

“Tabris it has been a while. What’s the occasion?” A voice greeted.

“What has Gendo done to the Third Child?” Kaworu demanded curtly. This wasn’t the time to pretend they all weren’t using one another.

“What is this all about?” Another voice cut in.

“Such impudence.” Chided an irritated voice.

“Silence!” The first monolith commanded as the others fell quiet. “Why does this concern you?” It continued.

“Because something has happened to the Third Child. I thought you needed us to initiate the Forth Impact? So if he’s not at full capacity, there might be a mishap in the grand scheme of things?” Kaworu felt disgusted for talking about Shinji like a tool. They only saw others as expandable. “So I’ll ask again. What did King of Lilin do to the Third Child?”

“What’s happen to the boy to make you so concerned?”

“He’s been invaded by something akin to an Angel. It’s making him ill.” He explained with a careless tone.

“Oh. Worry not, the Third will pull through.” A voice replied.

“What’s it’s purpose of using him as a host?" Kaworu asked brow raised.

“All will be revealed in due time, Tabris.”

Kaworu’s gaze fell upon the floor in muted annoyance.

There was s long suffering sigh before a voice answered. “If it will ease your mind, the boy is in no danger.” A voice sighed. He thinks it was the 5th monolith.

“Gendo has set certain plans in motion to ensure our futures.” Another boosted.

“What is he scheming now?” The Angel’s eyes narrowed at the 1st monolith.

“We know that he is taking precaution if things do not go according to plan.” It stated.

“So he implanted something in the Third?” Kaworu spoke, voice wavering. 

“We know not what he did, only that it was done.”

“You seem to have a habit of not keeping your pawns in place.” Kaworu smiled mirthlessly.

“Watch your tongue boy.” Hissed another voice.

“So what is the thing inside the Third?” Kaworu asked again. A beat passed and then another. The room fell into a stagnant silence. Perplexed, Kaworu glanced around each monolith expecting any of them to say anything.

“In a sense, your offspring Tabris.” The leader monolith answered.

Kaworu’s brow furrowed in pure confusion. He must have misheard- a slip of the tongue or something. There was no way he heard the words “his” and “offspring” in the same sentence. "I didn't know you had a sense of humor." Kaworu countered trying to cover up his shock.

“It is the truth.” It continued. Kaworu stomach's flopped, processing the words just spoken from the first monolith.

“That’s not possible.” Kaworu argued. This was ridiculous. There was no possible way they were telling the truth.

“Of course Gendo had his hand in play.” Another voice added in.

“What do you mean?” Kaworu swerved his head at the offending monolith bearing the name SEELE.

“Like we said we do not know the specifics, only that it is done.” A voiced sighed exasperated.

“Your offspring will produce what is necessary to complete Human Instrumentality.” It replied almost joyously.

“My offspring…"Kaworu murmured, disbelief evident in his wavering voice. Fear trickled in the pit of his stomach. What did that mean for Shinji? How much danger was he in?

"There is no point in arguing about this anymore.” The 1st monolith spoke.

“I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time following.” Kaworu confessed honestly. This had to be a joke. A very tasteless and fucked up joke.

“Think of it this way; the Third is merely caring precious cargo for the time being.”

“Cargo that must be protected. Too much effort when in its creation for it to be wasted. You are not to interfere until you are needed Tabris.”

"Don’t do anything rash, or you will suffer the consequences!” They scolded like Kaworu was a child in the wrong.

Kaworu was silent before he let out a humorless laugh.

“What else could I possible do?” Kaworu cut off the connection like unplugging a computer. The monoliths blurred out until Kaworu was standing alone again in the open room.

The silence was stifling.

His legs didn’t seem to work as and he collapsed in the ground. He was still trying to wrap his head around the new information. It couldn’t be, it was a trick. He prayed it wasn’t happening. But Kaworu couldn’t stop that small voice in the back of his head.

“It all makes sense.” Kaworu laughed dryly. Shinji’s symptoms were a common trend with pregnancy but it couldn’t be possible. What was he supposed to tell Shinji? He wouldn’t believe him; he didn’t even believe himself.

He couldn’t- wouldn’t believe it. He was not going to be a father. He wasn't at fault. If it wasn’t for him Shinji wouldn’t-

“Kaworu? Are you alright?”

Kaworu’s head whipped around to see Shinji lingering cautiously by the doorway.

Had he heard him talking? Shit. Shit!

“Shinji.” Kaworu answered carefully. His vision blurred and suddenly Shinji was replaced with a Shinji with a swollen middle. He blinked again and his Shinji was staring back at him, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Kaworu?” Shinji asked again, approaching Kaworu slowly.

“Sorry, I’m alright Shinji.” Shaking out his feather like hair. “I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Oh, do you want to take a nap?” Shinji offered helpfully as he sat down by Kaworu without fear. That was a good sign.

“No I’m fine, I think I’ll pull through.” Kaworu smiled at his offer, it was so like him.

A few beats past and Shinji shifted on the ground awkwardly. “Can I ask something else?” Shinji asked rather reluctantly. 

“Hmm?” Kaworu tried to ignore the rapid beating of his heart.

“Who were you talking too?” Shinji asked albeit awkwardly. Kaworu's heart stopped it's fruitless jackhammering. This was not good. 

“Sorry, I tend to talk to myself to gather my thoughts.” Kaworu lied effortlessly. It was alarming how easy it was to lie to him.

“Oh no that’s fine, everyone has their quirks, I didn’t mean to be rude.” Shinji blushed.

“May I ask how much did you heard?” He metaphorically crossed his fingers together hoping for the best.

“Honestly nothing really- I couldn’t make anything of it.” Shinji chuckled as he scratched his head.

“Well that’s fine. I wouldn’t want you to think I was completely insane.”

“I-I would never think that Kaworu!” Defended Shinji.

Kaworu laughed as he hefted himself off the ground and faced Shinji with a bright smile. He should tell him. Tell him all of it.

But his lips were sealed. He needed more evidence before he could say anything for himself.

“Um…Kaworu, what should we do now?” Shinji asked in a hushed voice. Happy to start a new topic.  


Kaworu sighed and tried to think. What would they do? Oh right, he meant his plan to save the world. His mind was far off from restoring the world at the moment. His mind was trying to figure out Shinji’s father’s mind.  


“I’m sure an opportunity will present itself when the time comes.” He guessed. Things like that always seemed to happen. He turned his head toward Shinji and was surprised to him look so shy.  


Shinji fidgeted in his seat, feeling rather foolish. He wanted to ask Kaworu another question but felt silly. But, what the hell.  


“Hey, Kaworu…have you ever heard of The Curse of the Eva?” The words tumbled out of his mouth hesitantly.  


Kaworu furrowed his brow in confusion before he remembered where he heard that term. Ah yes, The Curse of the Eva. He recalled Makinami who picked the name, much to everyone’s dismay.  


“I have heard of it. If I remember correctly Makinami came up with the name in poor tastes.” He said thoughtfully. He rarely had a bone to pick with her now that he thought about it. A small smile etched on his face. Shinji’s eyes widened at this new information. How did he know about her?  


“Huh, you know about her? How?” questioned Shinji. How old was he exactly? Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know which branch Kaworu even transferred from? Was it European or American branch?  


“Yes, well it has been 14 years, Shinji. A lot has happened since then.” Kaworu casually shrugged his shoulders and still made it look graceful.  


“But if it’s really been that long- when did you arrive?” Shinji muttered. He couldn’t remember meeting him or hearing about him. But for some reason he felt as if he had known him a long time ago. Which was weird, because he would of remembered a guy like Kaworu.  


“As soon as the near 3rd Impact.” Kaworu said inadvertently, a strange gleam passed over his red eyes.  


“Oh.” Mumbled Shinji embarrassedly. Where to go from there? But what happened to everyone? Did they all leave or where they dead? Why did he stay? Mustering up all of his courage he continued this game of twenty questions awkwardly.  


“Kaworu, if everyone left, why didn’t you go with them?” Shinji mumbled.

“I couldn’t, I was waiting for you.” Kaworu said and smiled like it was the simplest answer in the world.  


“What, why?!” Shinji blurted out, blushing furiously. He was waiting for him? He had no idea he existed until a few weeks ago!  


Shinji fretted over what to say next. No normal person would wait that long just to meet a person, especially, for a person like Shinji. There was nothing special about him. Kaworu let out a small laugh at Shinji’s expense and shook his head.  


“Because I knew that you would return.” He hummed, looking at Shinji like a godsend. Shinji blushed and turned his face away quickly as avoiding his face. He couldn’t be serious.  


“Ah.” Shinji drifted. He chanced a glance at Kaworu and regretted it. He was still smiling at him with his angelic face.  


Kaworu look at Shinji and etched him into his mind. Who knew how long this would last? Silence settled in the atmosphere; like the calm before the storm.  


“Would you like to practice?” Kaworu whispered. He would cherish these moments. For however long this would last, before this was taken from them.  


“O-of course.” Shinji stammered, smiling brightly at Kaworu blushing slightly. In return the Angel felt some of the stress melt away. He had to save him, no matter what the cost. This time for sure.  


“Kaworu…thank you.” Shinji whispered, eyes focused at on the keys. Kaworu’s heart fluttered.

“Anytime.” Kaworu breathed.


	5. Stranger Things Have Happened Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A forewarning of what's to come? Or just plain paranoia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> へ(●´∀｀●)へ I have no excuse.

The first thing Kaworu noticed when he awoke was that something was definitely wrong. His mind wandered as he thought of a reasonable explanation for his jitteriness.

 _“It could just be my nerves getting to me finally.”_ Kaworu thought. He hadn’t had any proper sleep in days. Kaworu was literally worrying himself to an early grave. The Angel groggily sat up on his bed and waited- for something- anything to happen. All he could hear was his blood pulsing loudly in his veins as his body tensed for any threats.

Sighing he started to run his fingers through his feather like hair leisurely. Kaworu’s preening had become a habitual thing for him, even though he wouldn’t admit it. This act usually comforted him in situations like this. Just as he was about to get up and being the day, something had to happen of course.

A pained scream broke through NERV, one he knew all too well. He bolted out of his bedroom and nearly took out the automatic door in the process. Frantically, Kaworu tried to pin point the scream as it died down. Halting to a stop, he forced himself to stifle his panic down enough to bounce his A.T. Field off in every direction like echolocation. It filtered out the whole facility, before it ricocheted back off a heavily layered A.T. Field that he was not familiar with. Kaworu paled as he felt the immense power pass through him and then bounced back to its place of origin.

 _“Who’s field was this?!”_ It almost rivaled his field in strength. But he knew he was stronger. No other being could surpass him besides Lilith- and she was dead. A cold feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Was it the child’s A.T. Field? How had it become stronger in such a little amount of time? Perspiration dotted his skin as he focused at the mission at hand, he zeroed in on the location of the Field's origin and decided it was his best bet. Levitating off the ground he took flight, blurs of the facility merging together as he sped by. Kaworu heard another painful cry wrench through the corridors and Kaworu’s clenched his fists, Shinji was in pain and there was nothing he could currently do. _He was coming_.

Following the direction of the distorted A.T. Field he raced toward the main hall in a flash. Anxiety was bubbling to the surface as he flew closer to the source.

“Shinji! I’m coming for you!” Kaworu screamed, frantically trying to peer through the field in hopes of finding his presence. The closer he ran toward the demented barrier the more some forced tugged at his being, like a hand grasping at his chest, urging him to follow. Flying down and winding through countless corridors. The tugging became stronger and he could hear Shinji’s cries more clearly.

The infirmary! He glided toward the hallway leading to the infirmary but, rammed into a secondary Field that suddenly flared up. Grunting he scowled at the field murderously. The screaming continued.

“Shinji!” Kaworu screamed again, dread rising even more. He didn’t have time for this. Kaworu eyes flashed to the shield and with more effort than needed he promptly ripped it to shreds mercilessly. The Field shattered like a million diamonds, blinking out of existence.

“Shinji! I’m here!” activating his A.T. Field, Kaworu flew past countless doors before he heard more screaming. Kaworu made a move to unlock the doors and halted, suddenly feeling Shinji’s Field faintly. It was unsettling tied to the distorted field and grew weaker as the other field gained more strength. Something was definitely wrong. As soon as he heard Shinji screaming in agony his questions were cut short. One glance at it and the doors burst open using from the sheer force. 

The first thing he saw was the debris from his flashy entrance and then white. As the dust cleared Kaworu zeroed in on Shinji. He was clothed in a long grey medical gown, exposing Shinji’s swollen abdomen with white sheets draped over his trembling legs. _When did this happen!?_ He was lying on a medical berth wringing in pain, clutching onto the sheets as he tried to hold in his cries. Shinji weakly lifted his head toward the sound of the explosion and gasped.

“Kaworu, no!” Shinji grunted as he tried to reach for the Angel but was halted by the restraints bound on his slim wrists. He violently twitched and his head snapped back and began crying out in pain, clenching his abdomen tighter.

“Shinji!” Kaworu tried to rush toward Shinji’s side but only managed to get half way to the bed before he was stopped in his tracks. The sound of flesh ripping echoed in the pristine white room. Shinji managed to catch a glance at Kaworu and gasped loudly, out of shock rather than pain.

Kaworu gawked at Shinji in confusion, slowly he panned down to where his horror filled eyes were centered at him. Two long prongs were lodged in his torso, while blood trickled from his body onto the white tiles in loud drips. Kaworu craned his neck and glowered at the First in pain. Crimson started to pool at his feet. 

_She_ was behind him still holding a dwarfed Lance of Longinus with a cold expression on her face. Kaworu glared at her but felt her A.T. field's pressure on him to the point it would have crushed him flat if he was not concentrating on being up right.

“You were not ordered to be here.” Her toneless voice drawled, digging her spear further into Kaworu nearly pinning him to the ground. Kaworu grunted in pain as he felt his flesh attempting to regenerate the skewered wounds. His knees were feeling weak from all the strain.

“Kaworu!” Shinji ground out, trying to crane his neck to see Kaworu from his new angle. But shrieked and fell back on the bed thrashing.

“S-shinji!” coughed Kaworu, blood slipping out of the corners of his mouth. He gasped as Rei forced Longinus and himself to the ground, pinning him face first on the stained floor. 

Struggling, he lifted his torso with his forearms and sneered at the First with a calm murderous face.

“Release me.” Kaworu hissed, attempting to force the spear out his body. The clone’s unweaving composure never slipped as she towered over the Angel.

“I cannot, I must acquire the child first. Those are my orders.” She said calmly. The doll let the pressure off the spear as her attention wandered toward Shinji. Anger and fear shot up in Kaworu’s chest as she stalked toward him. He wouldn’t let her touch him.

“Stay away from him!” shrieked Kaworu, struggling anew. His body quivered in protest as it tried to accommodate for the spear piercing his body. He had to save him. No matter what the cost.

She ignored his threat and cupped her hand on Shinji’s belly, rubbing it almost fondly. Kaworu blood boiled as she continued to touch him possessively. He was going to kill her. Shinji jumped at the sudden contact and tried to distance himself from her touch like it was acid.

“Stop resisting, Ikari-kun.” She murmured in an almost mock concerned voice. Her hand ceased stroking him and now rested on Shinji’s abdomen.

“Get away from me!” Shinji spat, scowling at her. His body still coiled away from her hand on his abdomen. His threat was cut short as he doubled over in pain. Biting his lip, Shinji tried to stifle his screams from her. Tears prickled in his eye.

“It would be easier if you did not resist Ikari-kun.”

“Go to hell!” Shinji cursed, breathing hard.

“You leave me no choice.” She said gravely. Raising her hands she painstakingly altered her field to match Shinji in perfect harmony. Her hand hovered Shinji’s stomach again and spoke.

 _“Come.”_ She commanded.

Without warning Shinji snapped his head back and screamed with anew misery. Kaworu watched in horror as Shinji’s stomach began to shift at awkward angles. Bulges began to appear from where it violently shifted and jerked Shinji’s abdomen painfully. Shinji gasp broke Kaworu out of his horror filled stupor to notice a hand like bulge reaching upwards from within Shinji. His abdomen was tented by the it’s hand, as if it was about to rip through Shinji.

_Oh God it was._

Kaworu struggled once again with the child’s plan now in motion. His body screamed in turmoil at the sudden movement as repairing flesh and bone was throne ajar. He had to get up he had to remove this goddamn lance and save Shinji!

“Shinji!” Kaworu bellowed through the agony.

“K-Kaworu!” Shinji ground out, trying to look at him for help. The First brought her other hand on Shinji’s chin and turned him to face her. Kaworu barred sharp teeth at her in anger. 

Looking into Shinji's eyes she raised her hands and plunged through Shinji’s Field- shattering it. Kaworu’s heart stopped as he could only watch, helpless to do anything.

For a couple moments Shinji’s body did not know how to respond. But his mind slowly caught up slowly and he screamed bloody murder as his only defense shattered around him. Kaworu screamed out in terror for her to stop. If she destroyed that he would never recover himself! But his screams fell on deaf ears. With the Field gone the child’s power increased ten-fold, merging itself with the First.

Suddenly the First lodged her hands within Shinji’s belly like his body was made out of dough. Shinji chocked back a scream, coughing up blood. His body unnaturally arched as it tried to stay level with Rei’s arms. Kaworu felt tears burning behind his eyes. _No. No. NO._

“N-No! Don’t!” cried the Angel. He watched in horror as the first tried to rip the child from Shinji as he screamed bloody murder.

Effortlessly she heaved the bloody thing out of Shinji. Red cascaded down his middle as he collapsed lifelessly on the bed and his cries fell silent. Shinji’s head lolled to the side and stared blankly at Kaworu.

Tears fell uncontrollably as he looked back at Shinji’s lifeless blue eyes. Kaworu couldn’t breathe. _This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening. He failed._

His eyes reluctantly left Shinji as his wide eyes stared at it in the First’s arms. Her usual soft footsteps sounded like thunder clasps as she walked toward Kaworu. She purposely blocked his view of Shinji. He was about to protest as she began to speak.

“Tabris, your child.” She murmured distantly.

She keeled on the floor, somewhat eye level with Kaworu, turning the child toward him and Kaworu felt like vomiting. It was a horrid monster, a mixture of Adam’s fetal form and Lilith. Its pudgy being was marred with bulging veins, spines protruding at awkward angles. The pasty white skins slowly trickled off its body the longer she held it there. Slowly it opened its deep blue eyes, mocking him.

“ _Tabris_.” It cooed in Kaworu’s mind. Repulsion was stuck on his face. He didn’t want to be near this _thing._

Kaworu refused to say anything to the hideous creature. He owed that thing nothing; he owned nothing to these monsters. He only owed everything to the human lying dead mere feet away from him.

“ _Tabris._ " It reproached again. Kaworu finally acknowledged its presence and stared at it in defeat.

“ _Your job is done.”_ Raising its misshapen finger, it pointed at the DSS Choker on Kaworu’s pretty neck. Red eyes widened at what he knew what was to come.

Kaworu didn’t even flinch when his head was severed from his body. He didn’t see his blood spray from his neck and litter the small room in red. His only regret was that he didn't even get to see Shinji one last time as his head tumbled down.

* * *

Kaworu awoke with a jolt, sweat sticking to his skin and pale hair matted to his face and clothes clinging to his frame. He took a few shaky breaths to calm himself down.

“ _It was just a nightmare, just a nightmare.”_ He chanted himself in a daze. Slowly took in his surroundings. The Angel shakily placed a hand on his neck and sighed. Everything was still attached. Kaworu’s breath hitched as the nightmare assaulted his head as it took the form of a horrible film reel.

Kaworu shuddered again and felt bile rising in his throat. That monstrosity…that _thing_ could not have been born from his Shinji. It was impossible. He trembled again as the image of Shinji, lying lifeless charged into his mind. Kaworu snapped his head from such things, but only caused the nausea to worsen. It was unbearable; he couldn’t go on without him. These nightmares had plagued his sleep ever since that meeting with _him._ That was a week ago.

Kaworu tried to breathe deeply as the nausea started to fade. _Calming breaths, don’t panic, just calm down._ He thought as he chanted that mantra. Placing his head on the wall he sighed deeply. The nightmares were getting worse; each night they progressed to the inevitable.

Straightening up on the wall, he searched for Shinji’s soul. Kaworu focused on his perception ability and roam until he found the little blip that was Shinji among the vast headquarters. Once he located him and sighed in relief. No apparent danger was seen. He was still within his safety…but for how long? He had to check to be absolutely sure.

Kaworu leaped off the bed and started to run his hands through his hair, but halted as he remembered this was how his nightmare started. Realizing this, he exited the room and made a beeline for Shinji’s room. _He had to be alright, there’s nothing wrong._

He stood at his door and hesitated. Was he worrying too much? It was just a nightmare? Everyone got those once in a while right? But his train of thought was cut short as the automatic door reviled a sleepy Shinji yawning lazily.

Shinji wiped the tears prickling at his eyes and suddenly felt that he was not alone. His head snapped up in surprise and his eyes widen comically. That seemed to jolt his weary body awake as his eyes zeroed in on a frazzled looking Kaworu. Time seemed to slow as his mind caught up to him, and the natural response to being startled took effect.

“Oh crap!” Shinji jerked back in shock from the sudden appearance from the appearance of his sudden guest. Flailing in the air his feet somehow tangle together as he felt himself tipping backwards. He braced himself for impact, but felt a strong arm grip his forearm. Another arm grasped at his back just as fast and brought him upright, into Kaworu waiting arms.

Shinji hesitated in Kaworu’s hold. _Well, this was awkward_. His face was muffled by Kaworu’s shoulder, his cheek brushed against the cool metal of the DSS Choker. Pale arms encased around him were unyielding on his neck and the small of his back. Shinji’s face was on fire from embarrassment. First he screamed like a little girl and then tripped on his own two feet. This was turning out to be a dandy day.

He rustled in Kaworu’s hold awkwardly; secretly delighted the taller boy could not see how red his face. He waited…and waited.

 _“Uh, was he going to let me go?"_ Shinji tilted his head was meet with Kaworu nuzzling into his neck. Shinji thought his face would catch on fire. Stammering Shinji wiggled anew in Kaworu’s hold, only to feel tremors wracked through Shinji from Kaworu. He was trembling.

What was wrong with him? His mind was scraping the bottom of the barrel with a remark. Nothing came out of his mouth. His friend was shaking in his arms and he couldn’t think of a single thing to comfort him. This was not his area of expertise for sure. A hand slowly ventured onto Kaworu’s back and rubbed it with uncertainly. Kaworu bristled at the contact.

“Um, Kaworu? Are you alright?” He asked dumbly.

Shinji’s voice snapped Kaworu out of his haze. His body had naturally held him like he was made to do it. The embrace must have made Shinji uncomfortable. Kaworu was being careless. Slowly he released his captive. 

“My apologies Shinji.” He said softly, dropping his head in embarrassment, a pink blush spreading across his cheeks. Shinji removed himself from Kaworu and stood a little ways from him. He never noticed how tall he was compared to hm. Just how much older was he? Wait he said something to him.

“Huh? Sorry for what?” Shinji piped up.

“I mean for... startling you.” Kaworu said lamely. He wanted to say impregnate, but that conversation was defiantly not how he wanted to start the day. His eyes drifted to the wall in Shinji’s room as a diversion. Shinji cocked his head in confusion.

“Oh, that’s fine, it was my…” Shinji halted his sentence and thought for a moment. For once it wasn’t his fault. Kaworu was the one who scared him, what did he have to be sorry for?

“Wait, Kaworu why are you here, right at my door?” Kaworu felt himself blush harder. Shinji wouldn’t admit he looked cute when he blushed.

“I was just checking in on you with everything that’s happen.” Kaworu said carefully, a sad smile on his face. It wasn’t far from the truth. 

“Oh, I understand how you feel. I feel on edge being here for so long.” Shinji murmured. He shifted on his feet in thought. “But, I feel a lot better knowing you’re here with me.” Shinji mumbled Shinji, blushing lightly. Kaworu brighten up at his words. 

“Yes, of course. Wait, are you feeling well?” question Kaworu, his brows quirked in concern. 

“Oh yeah, I don’t feel sick at all. Maybe I’m getting better.” Shinji visibly brighten at the thought of getting better, a small smile on his face in hope.

 _“I wish.”_ Kaworu thought flatly. But he didn’t want to be the one to crush his hope. Instead he reached for Shinji’s hand and held it firmly. Shinji perked up at the contact and stared up at Kaworu expectantly. He tugged gently and felt Shinji follow his lead. He needed fresh air, a place to think. He needed _their_ spot.

 _“All these years of planning and having it amount to nothing.”_ Kaworu thought humorlessly. Years of planning time loops were starting to catch up with him. Kaworu’s calm and calculating mind was cracking. All because of that _man_. It was always his fault that Shinji suffered. He tried to hold back his primal need to kill. They had to get away from that man. God knows what he had in store for them. But they couldn’t just leave…could they?

Shinji looked up at Kaworu is confusion, but followed him. Twisting and turning down the corridors until they reach the piano room. Shinji watched as Kaworu took a seat and patted at the spot near him. Hesitantly, Shinji sat down. Kaworu gazed toward the piano listlessly. He needed to rest, but he needed to think.

Shinji felt his heart beat rapidly. Something was completely off with Kaworu, he never seemed this loose. There were terribly bags under his eyes and he seemed even paler. Like something finally pulled the thread of his sanity. Similar to when he found out the truth about his…mother. He had to do something.

“Kaworu.” Shinji cautiously said, placing a hand on Kaworu shoulder in an act of comfort. He slowly brought his other hand to him and gently turned Kaworu’s blank face toward him. His eyes were glossed over and unfocused.

Kaworu melted at the contact. It was warm and soothing. That seemed to reel him back into his senses. He looked at the frighten eyes and gave Shinji an apologetic smile. That’s right; this was no time for self-pity.

“I’m sorry Shinji, I just don’t feel like myself right now.” Kaworu murmured, his smile dropping at the weight of his troubles. 

“ No, no, it’s fine, but I think you really need some rest.” Shinji reassured him warmly with a hint of concern. He dropped his hand from Kaworu’s cheek and let it fall onto his lap.

“I’m fine.” Kaworu lied lamely.

“Who’s the liar now?” Shinji chided playfully. Kaworu opened and then closed his mouth in frustration. He was right.

“Hey, when was the last time you got any sleep?” Shinji asked a loud.

“A week ago.” Kaworu murmured flatly.

“What?!” Shinji cried. His eyes widen in shock and fear. No one was supposed to stay up that long. It was dangerous!

Kaworu paled. Oh shit, he was so sleep deprived he didn’t have the mindset to lie. He tried to hide his slip up with a smile. Shinji looked at him with a determined face, resolving something within him.

“Stay right here.” Shinji leapt to his feet and jogged out of the open piano room, leaving Kaworu in a state of panic.

_Where was he going?_

“Shinji!” Kaworu cried desperately. He cringed at the tone of his voice. He sounded like a child afraid to be left alone. He saw Shinji stop in his tracks and quickly turn toward Kaworu.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” Shinji pleaded a bit excitedly. He then made his sprint back toward the corridor to god knows where.

Kaworu settled back down on the stool uneasily. He watched as the tiny form of Shinji disappear as his went his merry way. Anxiety rose in his chest. They could do nothing to stop them. Countless scenarios of everything bad that could happen flashed through his head.

What were they planning? What if an Angel cornered him while he was away? What if it acted up and caused Shinji harm? What if the other Lilin’s found him? What if he fainted again?

Kaworu couldn’t take it anymore. He jumped from the stool, ready to jog after Shinji when he heard soft grunting from the corridor as Shinji reappeared holding his mattress.

“Shinji!” Ah you shouldn’t carry heavy things on your own!” Kaworu stressed. He didn’t want Shinji overexerting himself, who knew what kind of effect that would have on the Angel within him.

“What do you mean? I’m not that weak.” Shinji pouted.

Kaworu grimaced at his choice of words. Not helping him with his self-esteem.

“I did not intend to offend you; I merely meant that if you feel tired you shouldn’t lift such heavy things.”

“It’s okay I got it, besides you’re the tired one!” Trying to hide his huffing and puffing. Shinji dragged the mattress over toward the piano, dropping it with a satisfied thud.

“There now we can take a nap.” Shinji happily announced.

“We?” Kaworu couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, I- uh thought we could lie down together and talk for a while. And maybe we could talk for a nap if you wanted since you look so tired…” Shinji trailed off. He couldn’t contain the heavy blush that reached his ears. Was he being cheesy? Oh god he hoped not.

“Of course Shinji, that’s a lovely idea.” Kaworu murmured, trying not to laugh at Shinji’s cute blushing.

Shinji sat down first and Kaworu followed suit. He took the lead and laid down first and waited as Shinji slowly lied next to him. After a few moments Shinji shyly wrapped his arms around Kaworu’s waist.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only gets worse from here.


	6. Roll Credits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu believes fate is cruel, Gendo has a chat with his buddies and Shinji finally wises up to the weird happenings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long. Ill most likely edit this until I die. Wooo.

About an hour into the conversation Shinji drifted into a peaceful slumber, while Kaworu watched him with a far off longing.

“Shinji?” Kaworu whispered softly, leaning closer to his head. Fortunately, his only response was a light snore. He had to smile at Shinji’s serene face. Sighing, Kaworu wondered how many more moments they had before everything went up in flames.

Kaworu’s smile faltered, quickly replaced with a deep frown. The persistent feeling of urgency lurking in the back of his mind struck with a vengeance.

Sighing he tried to calm his restless mind enough to relax, but he couldn’t do it. Kaworu currently had Shinji nestled on his chest, having the most tranquil sleep in fourteen years and he couldn’t find any peace. Not with the thing, the King of Lilin and the fate of the world hanging over his head. It wasn’t fair. He had been so careful for so long. And this was how he was rewarded. Shinji and he tasked with rebuilding the world to its former glory and going against a mentally unstable man bent on destroying said world just to see his dead wife.

And now the person who was the sole reason he came back to this world, was now unsuspectingly pregnant with their Angel hybrid child. A child that would reluctantly inherit an Angel’s instinct to destroy the remainder of mankind and would most likely kill Shinji in the process.

Kaworu’s frown deepened. Looking back, there was something about that thing's inner workings that he couldn’t grasp. What was it's importance of it to the King of Lilin? What was it’s role to play? Was that nightmare a glimpse of the future? Why was it’s A.T. Field so particular?

 _“Oh right.”_ Kaworu thought dumbly. He was currently, the strongest Angel on this red earth. It was strange that he often forgot what he truly was. No doubt his offspring would produce a powerful A.T. Field as well. But the fact it’s Field manipulated Shinji’s was unsettling and made his blood cold. It was appearing the it was going to be more Angel than human.

Groaning to himself he thought of something that Shinji would probably be opposed to if he was conscious. He propped himself on his elbows, hovering over Shinji uneasily. Kaworu knew he was well over stepping a boundary, but he had to know. Painstakingly slow, Kaworu reached his hand over toward Shinji and gingerly placed it on his abdomen. Surprisingly it was tender, yet felt firmer the more he pressed down on it. It was hard to tell with Shinji’s clothes separating his hand from his abdomen.

Nothing appeared to happened at first, but suddenly he felt a shock charge through his system. Shinji moaned in his sleep and Kaworu held his breath. His face scrunched up in annoyance but quickly drifted off again. He let out a sigh of relief. Kaworu kept his hand resting on Shinji as the it’s A.T. Field tried to force his hand away.

 _Two could play this game._

Kaworu effortlessly configured his Field to the thing and felt them resonance. Soon it’s Field diminished an he reached beyond, finally getting a good look at it. It was nothing more than a bunch of cells, but it was growing at an alarming rate. Kaworu’s knowledge of pregnancy was little, but he knew it would grow faster than a Lilin baby. 

It tried to push Kaworu off again. Gathering more energy, in preparation to manipulate Shinji. The iridescent Field slowly started to encompass Shinji's sleeping form like before.

The air around them became dense, Kaworu's A.T. Field swirled around the whole area. The promise of harm evident as his presence overshadowing everything else. The words out of Kaworu's mouth were sweet and harmonized, speaking in his true tongue. _"Do it and regret it."_

Surprisingly, Shinji's manipulated A.T. Field paused before faltering. It reluctantly retreated back within Shinji sensing the impending doom from the other Angel.

He withdrew his hand and brought Shinji closer to him in attempt to draw in more of his heat. The second he had Shinji in his arms, it’s presence faintly flared up. It's defenses went up encase Kaworu proved to be a threat. Kaworu scoffed at it.

Maybe he had some power over it after all. Possibly he could force it out or maybe it sensed he could use- No. Kaworu could never use that without killing Shinji in the process. The Anti-A.T. Field was too powerful to even use as leverage; the danger exceeded the need to even risk it. 

It may try to bring Shinji down with it. Whatever the cause, if the King of Lilin wanted it, there was no reason for it to exist. Grumbling to himself, he put his problems on stand by and tried to enjoy what was left of the moments he had left with Shinji. He sighed, breathing in Shinji's calming scent. Not before long he drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Little by little it’s Field died down as it too returned to its slumber.

* * *

Somewhere in the bowels of NERV, there sat a man sitting in the dark. The red glowing lights from his masters surrounded him like a predator circling its prey.

“I fear that your Child has caught wind of our plans. Then again I expected nothing less from your suburbanite.” Gendo murmured, his body settled into his signature position. His attention focused on the monstrous monoliths hovering overhead. Fuyutsuki stood obediently to his side.

“Fear not, Kaworu has always had a free willed nature to him, think nothing of it.” A voice boomed from above.

“Even if he becomes a problem he has not yet outlived his usefulness, correct.” Another voice chimed in.

The other grumbled in agreement.

“And if he does?” Gendo mused, cocking a brow at the faceless old men.

“Detain him.” They answered simultaneously.

“But, know that killing him would hamper on our efforts. He has attachments to your son, yes?” Question another voice.

“Yes.” Gendo had to repress a scoff at that remark. Like was a pathetic understatement.

“Hold that over him to keep him at bay then, we believed he will pose no threat then.” The gruff voice answered.

“Speaking of your son, you can confirm that he has taken…to the experiment.”

“Yes. As we have observed he has been exhibiting signs of the experiment accordingly. We believed that he should be showing very soon.” Gendo grinned from behind his hands.

“Excellent.” They said in unison.

“Soon our endeavors with bear the fruit of our labor.”

“The child of Adam and Eve will be the final trigger to rebirth of The Human Instrumentality Project.” The First voice boomed in a breathless awe.

“Do not fail us Ikari.” The promise of repercussions thick in the air. Not that Gendo took the threat to heart away.

“I promise sir.” Once the call clicked and the red lights dimmed, signally the ended call, he spoke to his right hand man.

“Fuyutsuki, I need you to start preparations for brain washing Shinji as soon as possible.” He said off handily, like he was discussing the wellbeing of his son was trivial. The older gentleman visibly filched.

“But sir, I thought you were going to wait another month?”

“The plan has changed, Nagisa has become too involved. We can’t risk losing Shinji to him or this will all be for naught.” His voice filled with ice shot back at Fuyutsuki.

“But sir…” He tried to argue. Hasn’t the boy been put through enough. 

“That was an order Fuyutsuki.” Gendo chided. Ending the whole discussion. 

“Yes sir.” Fuyutsuki sighed, defeated. His body obediently making is way toward the reeducation chamber.

“And Fuyutsuki.” He stopped in his tracks.

“…Yes sir.” He whispered. Why did he always get stuck with his dirty work? He stared at the back of the man that single handedly aided in the destruction of the world; turning his own son into a doomsday weapon, and murdered of the one he loved dearly.

“It will all be worth it in the end.”

“Yes, sir.”

 _“Yui, God forgive me.”_

* * *

Kaworu awoke to a starry night sky. He cringed when he pupils dilated in the starlight. Groggily he sat up and unruffled his hair. He looked to his side and saw that Shinji was gone.

Shinji was gone.

Kaworu’s heart beat rapidly in his chest as he shot up. His whole bod tensed, adrenaline pumping through his blood.

“Shinji!” Kaworu called hoarsely. He was just about to search for him when Shinji came scrambling through from the open corridor, clutching onto a mass of white.

“Yes?!” Shinji asked breathlessly. He was carrying a bundle of extra sheets upon further exploration noted Kaworu.

“Oh Shinji don’t scare me like that.” Kaworu murmured, his tense shoulders slacked from the short exertion of energy. He just made himself more tired.

“Ah, sorry it was getting cold so I was going to get us some extra blankets.” Shinji held up said item for emphasis.

Well this was embarrassing.

“Oh, I’m sorry Shinji. It just startled me that you were not there when I woke up. I thought something happened…” Kaworu trailed off as he really took in his surroundings. It was night, probably around twelve into a new day. How long had he been asleep? He saw some medical books scattered around the side Shinji slept.

“Shinji why didn’t you wake me up?” Kaworu asked embarrassed. He was supposed to be protecting him, not sleeping on the job.

“Was I supposed to?!” Shinji yelped. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Even if he wanted to wake him, he was out like a light. He didn’t even stir when Shinji got up to fetch the reading material.

“I’m sorry.” Shinji whined, faced bowed toward the ground in apology. “No, it’s fine. I’m afraid I wasted the whole day sleeping.” Taking the blame from his actions.

“No, it’s fine you looked like you needed it.” Shinji laughed.

Walking over he sat right down the mattress and placed the sheets down before standing up again.

“Oh I forgot.” Shinji passed by Kaworu and went to the piano stool and pointed at what appeared to be a food tray. He offered it to Kaworu. “Your dinner’s here if you’re hungry?” Shinji continued.

“You’re all right?” Kaworu glanced at him skeptically, making sure this wasn’t a façade.

“Huh, yeah why?” Shinji cocked his head to the side.

“The food, you’re not bothered by it?” Kaworu stated, trying to get Shinji to realize this feat.

Recognition flashed on his face. Oh right! He wasn’t as sick as he usually was.

“Oh, it’s still kind of bothers me, but it’s getting better.” Shinji mumbled, crinkling his nose from having the food near him for too long. Most of the food smelt gross to him, but his stomach was better a handling it now.

 _“Well that’s an improvement.”_ Kaworu thought. Maybe the it realized its host needed to eat.

“Thank you Shinji, but what have you been doing all day?” Kaworu spoke, taking the tray out Shinji’s outstretched hand.

“Oh just reading.” Shinji said offhandedly. It wasn’t exact the most boring day he spent doing. But being able to watch Kaworu sleep was an added bonus he thought with a blush.

“Oh. I see, I’m sorry.” Kaworu murmured deflated.

“No need to apologize, but I was wondering if we could stay out here tonight?” Shinji asked hopefully. His cheeks were red for some reason.

The Angel perked up at his request, he really shouldn’t. After all he had spent the whole day sleeping instead of plaining their next move. But he was still dead tired, and who wants to think of counter measures when they were near exhaustion?

“I wouldn’t mind.” Kaworu smiled. He sat back down on the mattress, suddenly feeling himself running out of steam the longer he was up. Shinji joined him on the bed and pulled the covers on them, sensing that Kaworu was only momentarily awake.

“Night Kaworu.” But Kaworu was far too gone to hear him. He swore he feel asleep the second after his had hit the mattress. Sighing to himself he leaned closer to Kaworu and draped his arm over his torso. Shinji smiled as he drifted off into sleep as well. Maybe things were going his way.

The next moment Shinji opened his eyes caught the first glimpse of morning. Groaning he turned over, deeming it too early to be awake. Then again he had been napping part of the day yesterday. His restlessness started to kick in. He needed to stretch his legs.

Craning his neck, he saw Kaworu still in a deep sleep. His whole body was slack and his breathing was even. If he was asleep now, he probably wouldn’t be awaked until later in the day.

_“Might as well go to the bathroom now.” _He thought. Not really wanting to leave the bed. Sitting up he stretched his sore muscles and yawned. Standing he tied his shoes and headed for the bathroom. But stumbled from the sudden blood flow, tripping on an uneven floor board and almost toppled onto the piano. His hand shot out to swiftly catch himself on the piano’s ledge, while his other hand instinctively curved around his middle where he felt something hard.__

Shinji froze. Steadying himself he brought his other hand to slide to his stomach and felt around the taught muscle. What was this? Was he gaining weight? Was it a growth? Questions buzzed in his head as he walked to the bathroom with another purpose in mind.

Bursting through the bathroom doors Shinji sought out the mirror in a panic. He discarded his white shirt in the bathroom counter and lifted up his blue under shirt.

There he saw a hard mass settled below his navel. If he wasn’t looking for it he would have never noticed. Slowly he pressed his hand on it and found resistance. It couldn’t be muscle since he felt like he was constantly losing weight. Plus the placement was odd, smack dab in the middle of his lower abdomen.

His mind desperately mauled over any other explanation for this…thing to be here. It could be anything else than what his mind was trying to process. Shinji’s brain mind raked for anything possibly until it hit him.

“What if this is a tumor?” Part of Shinji was in glee that he thought of another reason, but that still meant he was defiantly screwed.

“Oh no. No, no, no, no.” Shinji chanted. What if piloting the Eva was radioactive? He wouldn’t be surprised if it was. Maybe that’s why he contracted some kind of disease that no one knew about? He was going to die. Panic slowly seeped in him as he tried to calm his breathing. Running towards the piano room Shinji was determined to find the answers.

* * *

Hours later an annoying flipping sound awoke Kaworu from his peaceful slumber. He gracefully cracked his eyes open to glare at the cause of the maddening noise, only for his eyes to soften.

Kaworu silently arose from the bed and cautiously approached Shinji hunched over himself, who looked a little worse for wear. They were dark circles under his eyes as they roamed over countless medical books and journals spread around him. He mumbled as he mouthed the words. Shinji was so engrossed in his readings he didn’t hear Kaworu carefully approach him.

Kaworu lightly grasped Shinji’s shoulder and squeezed. Shinji jumped like he was struck by lightning. His head swiveled toward Kaworu wildly.

“Shinji…what’s wrong?” There was no point in asking if he was alright, he was beyond stable at the moment. Shinji eyes shifted to the books and then back to Kaworu swiftly. His composure crippling with each passing moment.

“…I think I’m going to die.” Shinji said slowly, his voice cracking pathetically in the middle. He hugged himself from falling apart from his body trembling fit. He was a fucking mess. The horrified expression that passed on Kaworu didn’t help his case.

Shinji tried to stifle his awful cries. Kaworu panicked. This was the response he was afraid of dealing with. Shinji in an unstable emotional state was a dangerous one. There was no telling how damaged this would leave him.

“Why do you say that?” Kaworu murmured, while kneeling in front of Shinji non-threatning.

“The tumor.” Shinji explained like it was the simplest thing ever. Kaworu looked back at him in confusion.

”What tumor?”

Without warning, Shinji lifted up his shirt to revel the tiny bump in his middle. Kaworu couldn’t contain his shock. That wasn’t there yesterday, was it? How did he not notice this?

“Shinji…may I?” Kaworu asked hesitantly while his hand hovered over Shinji’s abdomen. Waiting for Shinji’s permission.

Shinji nodded and slightly flinched when Kaworu’s cold hand rested on his skin. He abruptly jumped when he felt a shock. A small pale orange octagonal shield wedging between them.

“Ow!” Shinji yelped more out of shock than pain. Kaworu retracted his hand as if he was burned. Kaworu stared at his hand and then back at the bump in horror. _It was getting stronger._

“Kaworu! What was that?!” Shinji yelped, his voiced border line hysterical. He wasn’t just imagining all this was he?

“Shinji.” Kaworu had prepared this speech in his head countless times and now nothing was coming up.

“Kaworu?” Shinji whisper, his voice on the verge of tears. He hugged himself tighter in despair.

“Shinji, I don’t believe it’s a tumor…but I’m afraid it certainly is dangerous.” Kaworu breathed carefully. Shinji whimpered. He was losing it and Kaworu knew it. His psyche was already fragile. This would destroy him.

“What…do you think it is?” Shinji hiccupped; he was passed the point of being embarrassed.

“Shinji, what I’m about to tell you will certainly startle you. But don't be afraid.”

“What is it?”

“Shinji, I think you’re pregnant.” Kaworu said, voice devoid of any emotion. An awkward silence filled the room. Shinji looked at the Kaworu with an incredulous look until it melted into an expression full of fear and rage.

“Wha-that’s not funny Kaworu!” Shinji shouted at Kaworu. Did he think this was all a joke to him?

“I’m being serious.” Kaworu said firmly. His voice holding an edge to it that Shinji had never heard before.

“Men can’t get pregnant Kaworu!” Shinji explained vehemently at Kaworu. What was wrong with him? Was he still dreaming?

“The morning sickness, the fatigue and the low tolerance to food. Shinji, you know it’s not normal to be exhibiting these symptoms." Kaworu continued. His hands itched to comfort Shinji, but knew the child would act up the moment the touched.

Shinji didn’t look at him. He absently mindedly stroked his arms in anxiety. Kaworu was crazy. But the haunting words of the book hit him a full force. But it wasn’t possible. It would never be possible.

“Shinji, please look at me. You know I’m right.” Kaworu pressed softly.

“No! It’s not possible we’re both guys it’s impossible!” Shinji countered. It was basic knowledge.

“Maybe for a Lilin…” Kaworu drifted off softly. His bangs covered his eyes as he bowed his head toward the ground. 

"W-what?” Shinji asked hesitantly. He leaned closer trying to decipher his words. Did he mishear him?

“Shinji, there’s something…there’s something else.” Kaworu stumbled on his own words.

“I don't understand...what do you mean by Lilin?" Shinji commented flatly. _Lilin? _He had heard that term before, it was somewhere in the back of his mind.__

“Shinji...I'm not what you think I am..."

Kaworu whispered sadly, his eyes downcast.

"Wha-What are you then?" Shinji question quietly, he felt himself slowly retreating further away from Kaworu. But curiosity kept him from fully running away. “What- are you then?!”

Time seemed to be frozen. Locked in the moment that would shatter their relationship.

"An Angel."

With those simple words, Kaworu doomed another timeline yet again. Shinji’s eyes widened in disbelief, shaking his head at Kaworu.

“No- you can’t be y-you’re human all of the other Angels were-” 

"Monsters.” Kaworu cut him off, a sad smile worked on the corners of his voice.

“…”

“Prove it.” Shinji ordered, disbelief heavy in his voice. His blue eyes burned into Kaworu’s head. Reluctantly Kaworu met his gaze.

“Shinji.” Kaworu pleaded.

“I won't believe you until you show me proof!” Shinji stood up towering over him. His anger cut Kaworu like a knife.

Wordlessly Kaworu stood up and glanced at his feet. He didn’t have the courage to face him.

The silence was stifling and it only fueled the flames to the anger. Kaworu’s eyes were downcast, he wasn’t saying anything.

“Say something dammit!” Shinji’s body moved before he knew it. His fist swung at Kaworu only to meet a very solid and glowing A.T. Field.

“Fuck!” Shinji cursed, cradling his throbbing hand and backed away.

“Shinji are you alright?!” Kaworu tried to go to him, but stopped when Shinji flinched as he approached.

“Don’t come near me.” Shinji murmured, inching away from Kaworu slowly.

“Shinji-” Kaworu prayed. His hand outstretched in a sigh of comfort.

“Stop! What are you? How can you have an A.T. Field that powerful?!”

“You already know the answer.”

Realization dawned on Shinji. “You are really an Angel.” Shinji mumbled more to himself than Kaworu.

“Yes.” The Field flickered one last time before disappearing.

Shinji stared at him in horror as he backed away. Some kind of recognition flashed on his face and Kaworu’s heart clenched.

“Shinji I know this is alarming but know I would never hurt you.” Kaworu made a move to reach out again but was stopped by Shinji.

“No! Don’t! Get away now!” Shinji smacked his hand away in fear. Tears spilled from his eyes as he slowly crept away from Kaworu, his head surveying the area for an escape route.

“Shinji I can explain.” Kaworu cried.

“No! Stay away from me!” He steadily felt the presence from his dream haze over his body. Power was bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Everything was becoming too hot. His breathing became harsher as it reached its peak.

“Shinji you need to calm down.” Kaworu warned, edging closer to Shinji cautiously. His A.T. Field was becoming alarmingly unstable.

“No! I-stay away from me! Plea-” Thrusting his hand forward he felt the power eminent as a octagonal orange blast, leaving his finger tips and forcefully collide with Kaworu’s A.T. Field.

Kaworu flew several feet backwards, caught off guard at the sudden aggression. He skidded to a halt near the piano and luckily didn't break it. He looked at Shinji in dread. No Field was supposed to be powerful enough to knock him down. 

“What-what was that? W-what’s happening to me-” Shinji drifted off looking down at his hands in a daze, he stumbled drunkenly as the world began to blur together.

“Shinji!” Kaworu shouted in a panic frenzy.

Shinji slowly turned his head toward the warbled voice, so far away. The last thing Shinji saw was Kaworu lunging himself toward him, panic etched on his face. It was the last thing he saw before everything faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be serious, you all knew this was going to happen.


	7. Honesty Snapped the Cat's Neck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu and Shinji have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long to do and I'm not completely happy with it. Don't be surprised if this chapter is totally rewritten later  
> ヽ(；▽；)ノ.｡.:*☆

Kaworu was at a lost what to do with the unconscious Shinji cradled in his arms.

What the just happened?

Kaworu looked at Shinji, fear seeping in his chest. How did Shinji do that? It shouldn’t be possible for him to generate his Field that powerful, not without an Eva Unit to channel his power. The only other explanation was the child.

The Angel narrowed his eyes. It was becoming a major nuisance the longer the days went by. The A.T. Field was a bigger problem than he thought. And now it appeared to have an emotional connection to Shinji.

_Great._

Sighing, Kaworu gently hefted Shinji up in his arms, securing one arm under his torso while the other one firmly scooping underneath his legs that dangled listlessly. Kaworu stared at Shinji and frowned. His breathing was labored and his skin was flushed. He looked just as bad when he was first “sick” weeks ago.

The Angel carefully laid Shinji on the mattress and gently stroked his hair. Intelligible murmurs escaped Shinji’s lips as he began to toss and turn in his sleep. 

“This is just like the previous nightmare he had.” Kaworu said to himself. He cursed himself, there was nothing he could do. All he was good for was watching him suffer from the sidelines. Kaworu hated how Shinji seemed so lifeless. It brought back terrifying memories and never ending nightmares.

His hand dropped to Shinji’s forehead, feeling the unnatural heat radiating off his body. He was burning up. Kaworu’s brow knotted together in worry. What was it the cause of this? Maybe it was some sort of defense system? One that left Shinji unresponsive and in a fever induced coma? Come to think of it, he had not felt the child’s presence since Shinji threw his Field at him. Kaworu was touching him, yet the A.T. Field had not popped up. His calculating mind stopped to think of a million reasons for the odd occurrence.

Maybe the blast took a lot out of the it? Possibly it's power was restricted and the over exertion weaken itself, which in turn affected Shinji in the process?

Either way he had to find a way to get rid of it. The thing was nothing more than a parasite at this point, and at the rate it was advancing it would kill Shinji before it was born. The memory of it’s “birth” was still fresh in his mind. He shuddered at the thought of it.

The only question was how? He had no tools to remove it medically. The only option was to destroy it from within Shinji. Which meant Kaworu would have to resort to drastic measures. Could he could synchronize with Shinji’s Field and destroy it before it progressed any further? No, that wouldn’t work, there’s no telling the damage it could cause to Shinji if he tried to remove it. But if he didn’t what would happen? 

If it could be prompted to attack at this stage, then there was no telling what Gendo wanted with it.

He had nothing to lose now; Shinji knew the truth about his condition and would probably go along with his ideal. The only remaining question was Shinji’s consent.

But it would be dangerous if his nightmares were anything to go by. It could be nothing but a monster. But then again, he was calling the kettle black. All he needed now for Shinji to wake up, doing it now, not knowing what the it’s defenses would be a problem. It was growing stronger, but that did not mean he couldn’t beat it. 

* * *

 

Shinji was unfortunately back on the beach. The sandy white shores and blue pristine ocean did little to comfort him. If anything it made him more nervous.

“This sucks.” Shinji muttered as his eyes roamed the endless beach in indifference. Nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be happening.

“Should I just walk or stay here…” he mused to himself. There was nothing else here at the moment. He could spend some time walking along the shore, maybe try to figure out why this place was so familiar to him. It's not like his memory was coming back anything soon.

Sitting in defeat, Shinji hugged his legs and bowed his head. Why was he here? Why couldn’t he remember what he was doing before he ended up here? It tickled the back of his mind, yet he couldn’t grasp it. Did something happen when he was awake? Did he suppress something again? Frowning, he shook his head in frustration.

“Ugh, whatever.”

Flopping on the sand, Shinji lay on the ground waiting for anything. But nothing did. Minutes or hours trekked by, as Shinji drifted off, listening to the rolling waves. Cracking an eye open he saw the sky was still blue, noticing that nothing significant had changed. Well that was pointless.

Finally deciding on moving he tediously began to stretch his sore muscles when his stomach cramped painfully. Shinji gasped as his body tensed up.

“What?” huffed Shinji while he crumpled into himself. It felt like someone was stabbing his insides. He hugged himself tighter, resting one hand on his abdomen when he suddenly felt movement. Shinji froze, staring down through the pain, gawking at his stomach. He felt something bump his hand from within. The movement continued as if it was adjusting itself more comfortably.

Quickly Shinji ripped open his shirt, revealing the small bump. His eyes widen in horror as the little thing shifted awkwardly. “W-what the hell…This c-can’t be real.” Shinji stammered and experimentally poked at it. It abruptly stopped moving as the sudden touch. It took a moment but Shinji’s abdomen began to ripple like it was made of water. Shinji yelped when he felt something brush against the inner walls of his abdomen, causing his belly to stretch in the middle. Shinji cried out and jumped back.

Suddenly everything came rushing back to him. Kaworu and him napping in the day; him waking up and finding the bump, Kaworu telling him he was pregnant and that he was…Kaworu was an Angel. Shinji felt his eyes well up with tears, threating to drop. But no this was all a nightmare. It had to be.

“No, no, no. This isn’t right!” Prying an eye open he quickly cringed, his eyes slowly adjusting to the dim setting. He was no longer on the beach. Instead he was in the basement of Central Dogma. Would it be too much trouble to go back to the beach? 

Shinji jolted upright in a panic, scanning the area he noticed the giant canals of LCL glowing in the dim lights. His eyes snapped up, locked on something he thought he would never see again.

 _“Lilith?”_ Shinji question, a little taken back. She was supposed to be the Second Angel right? This thing is what all the other Angels wanted to make contact with and start the 3rd Impact? Misato’s words echoed in his head.

The bulbous mass of white, hung on the blood red cross eerily as the bottom half was a messy collage of twitching tiny legs. LCL trickled down the cross and pooled into the canal. Shinji knew he had seen it before, the only difference was now it donned a purple mask. Several eyes dotted the mask, three on the left side and four on the right. A black triangle connected them together. For some reason he knew he’s seen it before? But where, when?

Stumbling forward he felt himself entranced by it. The closer he got to it, the more he felt his stomach flutter as if it was excited to see it. Shinji doubled over in pain, stomach suddenly tightening and the jerked forward. His eyes wandered down at the more prominent bump on his stomach. It was getting bigger?!

“W-What?” Shinji yelped. He grasped at his stomach in dread. What was this thing? Why was it so happy to see it? Where was Kaworu? What the hell was happening? His mind questions in desperation.

A feeling of unease fell upon him as he sensed something watching him. Quickly Shinji looked up and saw Lilith staring down at him. It’s blobby head extended from its perch looking at Shinji with it’s head cocked to the side like a misshaped bird.

“What the hell?” Shinji ground out eyes locked with the giant before him.

Lilith’s body convulsed as its multiple legs merged together, forming two massive legs that shot forth to the sea of its own blood. The shock waves shook the whole Geo Front, causing a massive wave of LCL to crash downward. The LCL flooded the whole complex; Shinji didn’t even have time to scream before he was submerged.

Shinji’s throat burned as the orange fluid invaded his lung. Painstakingly slow, his body adjusted to the LCL working its way into his system, enabling him to breathe through the blood. Shinji opened his eyes, flinching at all the orange. He was now floating in a sea of LCL, NERV long forgotten. His confusion tripled as an eerier voice caught his attention from behind.

“How foolish of you to stay with Adam.” She cooed.

Shinji swerved around and gaped at what he thought was Lilith, bare in all her glory. Was that Rei? A giant naked Rei that dwarfed him considerably, nonetheless it still looked like her. It felt all too nostalgic. Rei naked was always a bad thing right?

“R-Rei?!” Shinji gawked, his mind was on the fritz. What in the hell was happening?

“No, I am the one who would not stand with Adam.” She murmured cryptically, floating closer to Shinji as he floated back from her gaze.

“What are you talking about? Who’s Adam?” question Shinji. He felt that name should be important but he couldn’t just place it.

“You understand so little about your role, I pity you.” Her hand pointed at Shinji’s stomach accusingly. “I hope the child will be more understanding.” Shinji felt goosebumps rise on his skin at her words.

“What the hell are you talking about?!” Shinji screamed angrily. Who was she to say what he did and did not know? Rei/Lilith hovered closer to him, red eyes staring him down. Languidly her mouth formed into a demented smile. Shinji was frozen in fear as she approached faster. Her mouth opened bigger and bigger. Shinji choked back a screamed as he was engulfed in a bitter darkness, as Lilith swallowed him whole.

He continued to scream as he free fell into the endless abyss until he was jerk to a sudden stop. Something grabbed his arm. 

Shinji looked up suspended mid fall and gasped in shock. Kaworu’s smile never faltered as he picked Shinji up from the air and planted him on his feet. Shinji returned the favor by gawking at him dumbstruck. His whole body emanated in a pure white light giving him a more angel like appearance, piercing the cold darkness.

“Kaworu?” Shinji questioned, glancing at him a little skeptically. Something didn’t feel right, even though he was happy to see him in this goddamn nightmare. He remained silent, but continued to hold Shinji’s arm, his grip becoming a little tighter.

“Kaworu, s-stop that hurts!” Shinji tried to pry the offending hand off but Kaworu wouldn’t budge. His smiling steadily became unsteady as he pulled Shinji into a tight embrace. “Let go!” Shinji tried to scream, but was muffled by Kaworu’s shoulder.

“Shinji.” Kaworu murmured, his voice sounding like sweet honey. He pulled Shinji closer to him as he put up little resistance. His mind was becoming muddled the more he talked. He was falling under a trance from his presence alone. It was wrong, it didn’t feel like Kaworu. But this had to be his Kaworu?

“W-who are you? What have you done to the real Kaworu? What di-id you do to me?" Shinji slurred, his body disobeyed him slumped closer to Kaworu. His mind was shutting off and all that remained was what little sense he had left. Kaworu laughed lightly at his questions like he was drunk.

“I did what was necessary.” Kaworu cooed, leaning down to kiss the Shell of Shinji’s ear. And the boy gasped in fear and pleasure.

“W-what was necessary?” Shinji whined pathetically. Shinji shivered, knowing his resolve was diminishing as Kaworu kissed alongside his neck possessively. His body was being lulled in control of Kaworu. He didn’t even know what the big deal was anymore. He just wanted to be here forever with him. Kaworu laughed again. 

"I did what was necessary for the baby and you.” Kaworu mumbled into Shinji’s neck. Without warning Kaworu placed his hand on Shinji’s belly tenderly, stroking it warmly. The baby in turn moved toward Kaworu’s touch.

Shinji’s blood went cold, petrified in fear.

Regaining what little control he had, Shinji elbowed the Angel in his face hastily. Kaworu’s head snapped back, staggering away from Shinji. His head shot up in fur, a slow trickle of blood dripped from his nose.

Shinji’s heart was beating rapidly in his chest. Oh he fuck up big time.

Kaworu howled in pain and grabbed his head. He hunched over like a wild beast as his body began to tremble violently. The angelic light had shown brighter until it was a burst of hot white, almost blinding Shinji.

The boy stood in horror as Kaworu began to transform into something. Kaworu’s skin began to bubble and stretch as his feather like hair fell in clumps, cascading down his form. His body spurted forward, growing three times his size. His clothes were ripped to shreds.

His lips became blood red and grew in size and elongated his face. His eyes and ears were nonexistent anymore. All that remained was blood red clown lips and what Shinji assumed was his face and neck. Black wings sprouted from his back, pale white skin morphed into armor plating, defined with black highlights.

He looked…he looked like a demented Eva. He looked like an Angel. Shinji stared in muted revulsion at the beast before him. A fuzzy memory flashed before his eyes. Asuka fought with this creature…wait, or where there multiply creatures? She lost to them? Oh my god the blood and that littered the land. Unit 2’s organs being devoured by these…things. Asuka’s horrid screams yelling at him to help. Shinji swallowed back bile. The almost memory faded as “Kaworu” approached Shinji like a predator sizing up its prey.

“Kaworu…” Shinji chocked. Tears swelled behind his eyes. There was nowhere to run, even if he wanted to. “Kaworu” suddenly lunged at Shinji a white plated hand constricting around his body. Shinji cried out, fear seeping into his body.

Silence followed, stretching on for minutes, maybe hours. Times didn't seem to matters in this space. Shinji didn't even get to let out a horrid scream as Kaworu finally lunged without warning and bit off his head.

* * *

 

Shinji jolted awake screaming hysterically. His chest tightened and his lungs burned like they were on fire. Breathing was becoming a challenge. His body was too hot and tense.

Shinji’s vision was blurred as tears rolled down his face as no air made it into his body. He couldn’t breathe.

Cold hands suddenly grabbed Shinji’s shoulders, steadying him. He soon felt cool lips brush his own and quickly opened his mouth.

Kaworu’s mouth remained on Shinji’s, exhaling and inhaling air into him, slowing down his breathing. Shinji latched onto the Kaworu's shirt in desperation, trying to find purchase. Gradually his breathing evened out enough for him to finally breathe.

Shinji felt lightheaded as Kaworu removed himself from him. But lingered over him hesitantly. A feeling of déjà vu washed over him. He was suddenly staring at Kaworu with longer silver hair wearing an orange shirt leaning over him in a dark room babbling nonsense. When he blinked, his Kaworu was still hovering over him. Shinji took a moment to realize their position and promptly pushed himself from under Kaworu.

“Shinji?” Kaworu tried not to sound hurt from his rejection. Shinji didn’t respond to his name, instead he crouched on the floor breathing hard.

“Shinji?” Kaworu questioned again inching closer. Shinji's hand shot up, gesturing that he needed a moment. Kaworu kneeled down obediently. He was already walking on egg shells. Why push it? The room fell into a painful silence. Kaworu stared at Shinji and the latter looked at everything that wasn’t Kaworu.

“You lied to me.” Shinji final spoke, his voice was distant and listless, too tired to even put up a fight at the moment.

“…Yes, I did.” Kaworu confessed in defeat. His shoulders slacked as the burden of hiding everything was finally lifted off his chest. But now it was replaced with the horrid anticipation of rejection.

“Why?” Shinji asked as his head lazily turned to him, locking hurt eyes with Kaworu’s. Never in his life had he felt so small under Shinji’s gaze. Working through the lump in his throat he responded quickly.

“Because I was afraid of what- I was afraid of your reaction. I was afraid of facing your rejection…” Kaworu trailed off, voice becoming a whisper as he lost the words. 

“Why does everyone have to lie to me?" Shinji murmured fire seeping back into him, balling his fist together at his sides. He wanted to hit something, scream at Kaworu until his throat was raw. But he couldn’t, something was holding him back he couldn’t place it.

“Shinji. I cannot even believe to begin to say how sorry I am-”

“And this!?” Shinji gestured to his stomach bluntly. “Is this a sick joke you came up with my father?!” Shinji barked.

“No! I would never work with that man!” Kaworu hissed with such malice coating his voice, Shinji backed away in intimidation. Kaworu quickly chastised himself with his tone. He saw Shinji’s eyes flash with a muted fear in his wide blue eyes. Shinji wasn’t at fault; it was the King of Lilin.

“Really?! Cause something this fucked up could only come from him!” Shinji shouted with spite. His chest constricted and his breathing was hard. “Oh my god, what am I going to do?!” Why did everything have to happen to him? Why did he deserve this? Shinji trembled as he balled his fists into his eyes to keep from crying.

“Shinji, I- I swear we will figure this out?” Kaworu tried to urge him to believe in him, but his voice couldn’t stop trembling. He was losing his convincing edge. How could he promise Shinji anything, when he couldn’t even protect him from hurting himself. Everything was falling apart.

“How?! How could you possible fix this?! Shinji gave him an incredulous look and Kaworu looked down in shame. "If what you’re saying is true then- I can’t be pregnant? This can’t be right!” Shinji gasped, tears threatening to spill out.

“I never knew it was possible for my kind to reproduce with humans.” Kaworu whispered. He was still confused on the whole matter. His eyes flashed toward Shinji, waiting for the backlash.

“Ca- can you get rid of it? Shinji uttered hopefully. “

”I…I don’t know, it would be extremely dangerous if I tried to remove it.” Kaworu murmured. His head hung low as he avoided Shinji’s disappointment.

“So you want me to keep it?!” Shinji shrieked.

“No, it’s just that we have no idea how the child would react. It could kill you if I even attempted to remove it. It’s seems it’s already bonded to your emotional state.” Kaworu explained, hoping his words reached Shinji.

“Dammit.” Shinji muttered.

“Shinji I assure you if there was another way I would do it. Your safety comes first and foremost. I don’t want to harm you.” Kaworu pleaded.

“Ha! Then why did you lie to me?! I thought I could trust you…I thought you were different from the rest.” His voice cracked at the end horribly. The tears final slipped from his eyes. Kaworu’s felt his heart splinter at Shinji’s words. This was not right. He was supposed to be there for him and he was just pushing him away. 

"S-Shinji I-” 

"This is just all a bad dream...it can't be real...please.” Shinji sobbed into his hands, not caring how he looked. Kaworu began to reach over to him but frozen when Shinji shrank away from him. “Don't touch me! I-I want to be alone.” Shinji croaked.

“Shinji-” 

“Stop! I need time to think.” Shinji snapped.

“But we have no idea what’s it’s capable of yet, you need to be-” Kaworu tried to argue but was cut off by Shinji.

“It’ll be fine, it hasn’t done anything major yet…so maybe there’s a chance after all.” Shinji mumbled eerily to himself than at Kaworu, glancing down at his abdomen ominously.

“What are you planning to do?" Panic flooded his voice.

“Please leave me alone.” Shinji cried. “If you really care about me, then leave me alone. If you want my trust, then leave me alone!" Shinji pleaded.

Kaworu hesitated, but he understood. “Alright, Shinji.” Kaworu final said.

Shinji nodded his head and stood up, wobbling for a moment before he righted himself. Kaworu shot up to catch him in case he fainted again, but Shinji held up a hand and Kaworu kept his hands to himself.

Slowly Shinji made his way out of the room as he ran away from Kaworu. Kaworu body felt like lead as he watched Shinji leave him. His hearts was shattering and breaking at the seams. Part of him wanted to curl up in a ball and just let death take him. Have Longinus plummet on earth and impale him. His other halt was blindly determined to turn this all around. He fucking had too. This wasn’t the time to lick his wounds and wallow in self-pity. He held onto Shinji’s last words to him like a life line. He would fix this.

* * *

 

Shinji doubled over, retching horribly in the toilet. His body convulsed while his stomach writhed in the aftershocks of expelling the last of his meal. It lurched again as everything he just learned hit him at full force. His legs wobbled, his body feeling weak.

_He was pregnant._

Shinji gagged as bile rose in his throat. He dropped to his knees, grasping the toilet as he threw up again.

_Kaworu was an Angel._

Gasping for air Shinji slid from the toilet, tears streaming down his face as he tried to chock them back.

_There was no one he could trust. He was alone again._

Hacking up the bile, Shinji flushed on reflex, following through the tedious routine of cleaning himself up again. He approached the sink, watching the water fill up before his hands dove into the water and splashed his face.

The water felt great on his skin and helped him calm down and think. He drank in the water and spit the excess into the sink, clearing his throat. Looking up he saw his haggard appearance. Yikes he had seen better days. His eyes panned to his stomach but quickly shot up to his refection again.

 _“Don’t look at it, don’t think about it.”_ He chanted in his mind. Ignorance was bliss they said. Leaving the bathrooms Shinji sluggishly made his to his room. He half expected Kaworu to be there waiting for him, but no one was there. In the recess of his mind he was half relived and half upset.

After the door was shut he eyed something he had not used in what seemed like forever. Slowly walking to the stool, he languidly picked up his SDAT player. Unwrapping the tightly wound headphones he threw them on and hit play. He didn’t know how long it has been but the music that washed over him gave him a serene calm. Like the one before a storm. Sitting in a corner he completely let go of his composure and cried until the music lulled him into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is sad, happiness has been killed. ლ(╹◡╹ლ)


	8. The Convoluted Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu tries to find a bright side. Shinji tries to come to terms with is situation. And Fuyutskui hopes he isn't as bad as Gendo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been too long. To be fair I had things to do and wrote this whole chapter on my phone. Merry late Christmas and early New Years'. ･✿ヾ╲(´◉ ω ◉`)/✿･ﾟ  
> Edit: I goofed. They're supposed to go to Terminal Dogma.

Kaworu was currently perched on a ledge, in the ruined outskirts of Nerv. The same exact spot where he had eagerly watched Shinji's reenter the atmosphere a little over two months ago.

He could still remembered the exhilaration in his heart, knowing Shinji would soon be with him once again. They could finally rebuild the world and have a chance at happiness. This loop was going to set things right.

Kaworu sighed, staring up at the sky littered with stars. He should feel disappointed at the possible lost opportunity of changing the world. But he could care less.

"How did this go so wrong?" Kaworu murmured to himself. His hand leisurely combed through his hair while he continued to ponder how he ended up in this situation.

Kaworu couldn't remember how the first loop started. His memory was at best, fractured when he tried to piece together the source of the phenomena. How did the loops start? When did they start? Why him?

At first he thought it was a blessing, a chance to redo his mistakes and make things right and to finally be with Shinji. But as the loops endured, he slowly realized it was a horrible curse. A horrible curse he knew he could put to a end, but the promised pay off was just too great to waste.

No matter how awful the loops turned out. No matter the countless times he awoke in a black coffin, he endured. Because the one thing that always remained constant in his endless lives was his love for Shiniji. He had to have hope.

With that mantra he planned everything focused on that. To bring Shinji true happiness and to love him more than life itself. He spent years making the perfect loop where everything would be strategically flawless.

And now?

Now he had no idea what was going on or how he was going to repair this mess. Of course anytime he thought he had control, someone or something always had to pull the rug from under him. There was always that one thing he didnt count on. A small crack in the armor of his master plan that led to his downfall and inevitably redo.

This time a mere baby has destroyed his armor.

Kaworu frowned. It was beyond frustrating how the child's conception was still a mystery. After all these weeks he had not recalled what happened that faithful night. He doubted that Shinji remembered anything of it. Then again Shinji was not on speaking terms with him.

Kaworu groaned at the starry sky, balling his fists into his eyes. There was the other major problem on his to do list. Shinji's had been avoiding him like the Black Plague, any chance encounter ending up with him fleeing the scene.

But on the other hand, he couldn't really blame him for having such a reaction to him. He did reveal his true upbringing to a human that was subjected to kill all Angels. Guess it just comes with the territory.

Kaworu leaned his mouth on his pale hand and went into a deep thought. If Shinji was willing to try and talk him, granted it was just him stumbling on his own words until he found it too much and left. It was still something he could work with. There was still hope.

"Could we just leave?" Kaworu mused. He dropped his hand from his mouth and sighed in frustration. He had thought of them leaving countless times, but anytime he would try something that drastic something would go wrong. It always went wrong. He momentarily shuddered at one of the many failed loops that ended up horribly wrong.

"Everything else is going wrong, why not fuel the flames." Kaworu shrugged his shoulders, a familiar smirk graced his lips. "But where to go?" Should they seek amnesty with WILLE. Join forces to take down Gendo? There were so many possibilities it made his head hurt trying to calculate them all.

Standing on the perch, he looked at the dawning day with determination. "Shinji, I will not stop until I bring you happiness." Kaworu promised.

* * *

Shinji laid in bed stuck in bed, dreading the day. Never in his life had he thought this would happen to him. How could he be pregnant? How was Kaworu an Angel? What was he going to do? The world he knew was crumbling all around him. And here he was, lying on his bed curled up in the fetal position in utter misery, drowning out everything listening to his SDAT player on a constant loop.

He had been reserved when leaving his room in the past five days. Only getting up for the necessaries or to wonder around the HQ to clear his head. Though sometimes he would bump into Kaworu unfortunately. Which usually ended with him running away like a coward or try to get a couple words about the whole situation. Which ended up a jumbled mess of misplaced words.

"Oh Kaworu." Shinji mumbled, burrowing his face in his pillow. Tears were welling up in his eyes for no reason. Damn hormones.

Kaworu wasn't human. Every instinct was screaming at him saying that Kaworu was the enemy, a threat to be reckoned with. True, part of him was terrified of Kaworu now, but another part didn't know how to feel. The part of him that remembered the kindness he showed him and to gave him confidence and attention didn't want to believe any of this. But that could have all been a trick to earn his trust and...take advantage of him. 

Shinji bristled at the thought. Even if he was the in on with his father and was the bastard he was imagining, Kaworu never dropped said act. Every time they bumped into each other, Kaworu would respect their space, ask how he was, and try to coax him to talk one on one. He still _seemed _like he cared. But Shinji would freeze up and panic. He didn't know how to react. Should he be angry? Sad? Terrified? He was just so frustrated at what to do.__

Kaworu was familiar and a place he felt safe, even now. He was the only light out of the end of the tunnel of his shitty life that he cared about. He gave him hope. And now he was conflicted with trusting Kaworu again.

"Should I just talk to him?" He mumbled into the pillow. If he could accept that his mother gave up her physical being to become an Eva or how his father wanted him to destroy the world so he could see his mother. Then how hard would it be to accept that Kaworu was an Angel and possible got him pregnant right?

Shiniji hugged himself tighter, careful to avoid touching his abdomen. If he acknowledged it then it became real and he would have to deal with it. Though it was getting pretty hard to ignore the changes to his body.

He was pretty sure he was losing weight. His cheeks had sunken in a bit which complemented the constant bags under his eyes. Shinji felt lighter but sluggish, like he was treading through mud every time he did something to strenuous.

He knew it was unhealthy to go on like this, and not holding his food down didn't help. In addition his chest was extremely tender, and any abrupt movement irritated it like no other. And he was positive he was experiencing mood swings. On the plus side there was no more exploding A.T. Fields.

Sighing, Shinji shifted on the bed. He had talk to Kaworu. He needed to settle things with him or he was going to lose his mind. Kaworu was the only one who knew more about what was "happening" to him and the world.

Slinking off of the bed Shinji groaned from the effort. His whole body felt sore and his bones felt like jello, but he ignore it. Hopping to his feet he took the SDAT player and shoved it into his pocket as an afterthought. Slowly made his way to the door and hesitated. Time to face a brand new day. 

* * *

Fuyutsuki repressed a sigh as he made his way down to Lilith's chamber, the ruins of the Command Center. He hated this place with every fiber of his being. It was unnatural and the room smelt of decay and rusting metal. It was just unpleasant to be in. Too many memories.

"Preparations are done sir." Fuyutsuki reported in automatically as he approached Gendo entranced at the decapitated white giant.

"Have Rei get the boy then. Make sure SEELE's child does not interfere." Gendo ordered, not bothering to turn to face him, not that he wasn't used this treatment.

"Sir...If I may, let me get him, Rei would have a better time holding back the Fifth child." Fuyutsuki urged. A lingering sentiment in his tone.

Gendo slowly turn to Fuyutsuki brow quirked in haughty surprise. "Why the sudden change of heart Fuyutsuki?"

"The boy trusts me more than Rei at the moment. He would be more willing to follow me sir." He had a point. It is less of a risk to have him get Shinji than Rei. A moment passed as and Gendo finally spoke up.

"Then go on." Gendo encouraged, waving his hand in dismissal. "And make sure he isn't damaged before his use is done. I'll have Rei deal with The Fifth." Gendo added in a darker tone.

"Thank you sir." Fuyutsuki bowed before slowly making his trek to the surface. A uncharacteristic anxiety swelled in his chest. He knew what he had to do and hated every moment he had to live this life. But Yui... "I'm truly sorry this for this." He murmured to the shadows.

* * *

Shinji walked the halls sighing in annoyance. Of course the one time he wanted to find Kaworu he was nowhere in sight.

"Really, I can't find him anywhere?" Shinji thought irritated. Stomping his way through the halls in frustration. Maybe it was payback for him avoiding from Kaworu the past days.

Stopping in the middle of the hall he took a deep breath. He was getting upset for no reason.

"Calm down and don't freak out or it will wake up again." He chided. Shinji reluctantly thought back to hitting Kaworu with the A.T. field. The power he felt was unbelievable and just as terrifying as when he awoke the Eva. Only this time it was directed at an Angel he actually liked.

"I need to apologize to him..." Shinji mumbled, looking down at his feet dejectedly. He was so wrapped up in his own world he didn't hear the footsteps approaching him.

"Did the Fifth and you have a falling out?" A calm voice asked from behind.

Shinji nearly jumped out of his skin causing him to throw his SDAT player cumbersomely on the floor. His body lurched forward at the sudden loss of balance. Flailing sideways, he almost rammed into the nearby wall. A hand instinctively cradled his stomach, while the other shot out in hopes to grip the wall.

But his hand fell short by mere inches, yet he still was leaning on something solid? Shinji's chest tightened in a panic as he saw nothing yet his hand was pressed against something. Squinting in the harsh fluorescent lights he saw a tiny octagonal pulsation a of pale orange forming around his hand.

 _Shit,_ the A.T. Field.

Hastily he pushed off the field, frantically waving his arms to regain balance as it flickered and then disappeared like it was never there. Shinji's head swerved toward to Fuyutsuki expecting him to be freaking out at the, but saw him crouching on the floor gathering the discarded SDAT player. Did he not see anything?

"My apologizes, I did not mean to startle you." Fuyutsuki reassured, picking up his SDAT player and offering it to Shinji.

"Uh, I-I mean I'm alright!" Shinji stammered, gingerly grabbing the player from his hand and stuffing it in his oversized pocket.

"Are you sure? You seem to be favoring that arm of yours." He mused, gesturing toward Shinji's occupied arm.

"Huh? My arm..." Shinji followed Fuyutsuki gaze and glanced down and realized his arm was still protectively wrapped around his stomach. Flinching, he immediately dropped his arm in embarrassment, his cheeks burning up. A new feeling of dread crept in the pit of Shinji's stomach.

"N-no I'm fine." Shinji laughed unconvincingly, waving his hands in the air. He didn't like the way Fuyutsuki was studying his movement. The tiny bump was hidden behind his baggy shirt, he was sure of it. There was no way he knew.

"Really?" The older man questioned skeptically. There was a hint of knowing in his voice that reminded him of his father. He needed to leave. Now.

"Yes, sorry for the inconvenience sir." Shinji straighten up and bowed, starting to make his leave but Fuyutsuki spoke up again.

"So you do not feel strange at all?" Fuyutsuki continued, eyeing Shinji's frozen form, from top to bottom, searching for a tell.

"No!" Shinji snapped, a moment passed before he mentally kicked himself for how defensive he sounded. He quickly avoided the older mans gaze, hoping he wouldn't pick up his change in attitude.

Both stood their ground until the silence was unbearably. Fuyutsuki gave up first.

"Sorry boy, just a old man's worrying about trivial things." Fuyutsuki chuckled, dismissing him with the wave of his hand. "You're free to go."

"Alright...Bye then." Shinji mumbled more confidently he did a quick bow and turned to leave.

"Ah, before I forget." Shinji turned to face Fuyutsuki again as he continued to prattle on.

"Did I ever mention that your mother had horrible morning sickness when pregnant with you?" Fuyutsuki asked almost nostalgically. " You almost look like she did."

Shinji's heart thudded painfully in his chest. Adrenaline started to pulse threw him. Slowly he turned to the older man and stared in horror.

"Why are you telling me this." Shinji whispered. His body tensed in anticipation.

"Don't play dumb now, you know you're _condition_ correct?" He said off handily. Shinji stood in silence as his heart hammered in his chest. He was trying so hard to control his breathing he was becoming lightheaded.

"I-I need to go now, excuse me." Shinji voice broke slightly. Fear crushing down on him. His face felt flushed, his body becoming too hot.

"Shinji calm down. I can help you." Fuyutsuki insisted as he held his hands out like he was talking to a cornered animal.

"What?" Shinji did a double take. The fear slightly lifting off his chest momentarily.

"I could help you get rid of it."

"...How?" 

"I have the tools necessary to remove it. If you follow me we can do it right now." He added with a little haste in his voice.

"...If I did need help. Why would I trust you. You've worked for my father for years." Shinji accused. Somewhat regaining his breathing to glare at Fuyutsuki.

"Boy there was a time all of us, including you worked for your father." Fuyutsuki chided a tad offended at Shinji's tone.

Shinji bowed his head in defeat. He did have a point there.

"Follow me." Fuyutsuki murmured, turning his back on Shinji. "Wait, let me get Kaworu and-" Shinji tried to finish before he was cut off.

"There's no time for that. If you're willing to do this then we must go now." Fuyutsuki said promptly, heading down the hall. "The choice is yours whether or not you follow."

"Wait!"

Fuyutsuki stopped a sad smile on his lips. He was foolish, just like his foolish mother.

"I'll go with you." Shinji mumbled softly.

"Come along then." Fuyutsuki chimed. Part of him was sad how easily he believed him but the other part remembered what his- no their goal was. As he guided the boy to his own demise. 

* * *

Shinji followed the old man in silence as they made their way to the helical elevator and patiently awaited to enter the lower level's of Terminal Dogma.

"I've never seen this place before..." Shinji spoke aloud, marveling at just how large the Terminal Dogma was.

"It was restricted to most personnel. Only a select few were granted access here." Fuyutsuki said while entering a passcode. The elevator wrung to life and opened. The two filed in it and the silence returned.

"Why." Added after a few minutes in the excruciating long elevator ride. Fuyutsuki shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"The list is too long to recite. Let just say it was used for...unethical experiments." Shinji face paled as he subconsciously moved further from Fuyutsuki.

"Do not worry, the tools I need are in just there." Fuyutsuki assured.

"O-Okay." Shinji muttered, avoiding eye contact. The elevator jutted to a stop and the doors slowly opened. Shinji looked on at a long corridor of armor clad doors littered the walls.

"This way." Shinji reluctantly followed, as he surveyed the strange armored hallways.

"What are your plans exactly?" Shinji asked hurriedly as he studied his new surroundings while following the older man down another corridor. Being in this part of NERV was unnerving.

"To get rid of it, and get you out of NERV, hopefully you can be picked up by Wille." Fuyutsuki responded quickly.

"Why are you doing all of this for me?" Shinji mumbled skeptically, as his pace slowed down. His eyes glancing over a large hallway with a giant orange tank in the center of the room. Oddly familiar, his attention focused back on the older man. Fuyutsuki stopped in his tracks and faced Shinji with a sad smile.

"Because I have to pay off a debt...a debt to your mother." Fuyutsuki murmured dejectedly.

"Oh."Shinji added in thoughtfully.

"So what does my father's want for me and the..." Shinji gestured to his abdomen.

"He plans on using the child of an Angel and a trigger to create a new trigger."

"A new trigger?" Shinji asked confused. That's what everyone had been calling him recently.

"You were the trigger for the Third Impact, you nearly destroyed the world and started the Third Near Impact fourteen years ago."

"But I never asked for that!" Shinji cried, suddenly provoked by this man.

"I know, but that's how it is." Fuyutsuki shrugged his shoulders. "You will give birth to the a new breed of Angel. A child that will ignite the Fourth Impact by itself."

Shinji looked at him like he grew an extra head.

"With no need for extra triggers. There would be no use for the Fifth Child anymore, just a spare like the Rei's clones." Fuyutsuki explained.

"Why me though!? I'm a guy! How am I supposed to give birth? How am I even...pregnant?" Seriously how hard was this to get through everyone's skulls.

"Because you were chosen." Fuyutsuki said in a matter-of-factory.

"W-What?" Shinji sputtered. What kind if nonsense was that?

"You still have little idea on who you are?" Fuyutsuki sighed like it was the simplest answer in the world.

"What does that mean?" Shinji hollered.

"You've been changed to fit a new role. A role you reluctantly have to play." He said sadly.

"That still doesn't make any sense?" Shinji argued. "I know you must think I'm delusional but I can't live with a clear conscious if I let this continue. It's too cruel."

"Why should I trust you? How do I know any of this is real?" Shinji asked.

"You wouldn't be here if you did not somewhat trust me. You're already here right? Your options are such as the late, limited." Fuyutsuki chuckled as he waved Shinji before he disappeared thought the door.

Shinji frowned in silence and begrudgingly agreed with him. Slowly walking in the room Shinji had to shield his eyes as he was met with a harsh bright light of the room.

It was a simple room, almost looking like the ones in the infirmary, minus the giant windows letting in actual light. Fuyutsuki walked over to a tray of what he suspected was medical tools.

He walked a little further into the room, unsure of what to do when he heard light footsteps close behind him. Shinji's stomach suddenly cramped and his hand automatically gripped his middle, almost doubling over.

"Ikari-kun." A monotonous voice called from behind. He knew that voice but it belonged to the wrong person.

Shinji spun around and glared at the not Rei. Fear and anger washed over his face. He felt the foreign feeling bubble in his body. Was he reacting to her? Just like in the dream?

"What are you doing here?" Shinji snapped, his rage filtered in on Rei. The presence flowed into his body. Pressure started to rise in his stomach and was beginning to build up, ready to burst. The orange field starting to flicker around Shinji.

"I'm here for you." She spoke unhurriedly as her hand reached out for Shinji's arm. Shinji jerked back and the octagonal field sprung to life, pulsating like a heart beat. Rei ignored the danger as her hand phased through the barrier like water. It rippled at first but gave way as she made contact with Shinji's hand and and gently gripped it. Shinji gasped at her touch somehow anchored him. He felt what ever power within him fluctuate and then slowly retreat back into himself.

"Wha-" Shinji choked, ready to wrench his hand away from her before he felt a prick in the side of his neck. His head tilted back as he gawked at Fuyutsuki holding a syringe in his neck, with a solemn face injecting him with a clear liquid.

The presence he felt before was quickly vanishing and his body was becoming numb. With extreme effort he pushed away from the old man clumsily staggering while his vision became clouded.

"Wha-What did you do?" Shinji muttered dumbly, wobbling where he stood. His senses were rapidly failing him Fuyutsuki sighed as he gently pushed Shinji and he fell cumbersomely into Rei cold awaiting arms.

"Wha...did yo-u do?"Shinji slurred, weakly trying to push off Rei.

"It's nothing personal, I can assure you. Just a little something for you to relax." 

"What..hell does that...mean?" Shinji mumbled irritated. His head lolled up to glare at the old man.

"But don't worry, it will all be over soon." Shinji fought to stay consciousness as felt himself slump into Rei's hold, barely standing upright. His senses detached as they were overcome by the numbing drugs. As the room became a mess a colors and blurry shapes Shinji whispered on last plea.

"Kaworu..."

* * *

Shinji groggily awoke in a shockingly bright unfamiliar room. His breathing was labored and body felt like lead. He was extremely feverish as sweat rolled off his face. Never a good sign to wake up too. Lolling his head to the side he took in his blurry surroundings. The room was too bright, causing Shinji to squint in the harsh fluorescent lights.

Attempting to shield his eyes Shinji tried to move his arms but was met with resistance. Panicking, he fought with his clouded mind and focused in on the handcuffs attached to his wrists.

"Wh-hat the hell?" Shinji managed.

"Ah, so you woke up."

Shinji looked blindly around the room until he found the source of the voice, standing in a dark corner.

"We didn't anticipate your body would be able to burn off the tranquilizer this quickly." Fuyutsuki said almost amazed.

Shinji would have punched the man if not for the drugs still lingering in his body.

"At least with this time I'm able to tell you the full truth. It not like you'll remember it anyway."

"What...does that mean?" Shinji gasped through his harsh breaths.

"You were implanted with a special embryo." Fuyutsuki said bluntly.

It took a moment before his mind could register what he has said. And shock and disgust flashed on his face.

"Y-you what?!" Shinji screeched enraged, fighting against the cuffs relentlessly with limited strength. What the fuck was wrong with them?!

"You were implanted with an embryonic egg combined with Lilith and another subject. And it took root inside you like a parasite."

Shinji just gaped at Fuyutsuki in half a daze. He was at a loss for words, what the hell could he saw to that? Implanted with a embryo? A parasite inside him?!

"I know this doesn't seem possible, but with the symptoms you were exhibiting we could be nothing but delighted your body did not reject the egg." Fuyutsuki murmured.

"Re..Reject the egg?" Shinji question hoarsely.

"It needs a host with a soul to attach to and complete itself to survive. You were the perfect candidate."

"What... Are you talking...about?" He breathed.

"You're Eve."

"Eve..." A sudden recognition flashed across his face. Wasn't that the name the giant Rei called him?

"It matters not, soon you won't remember any of this and become a mindless drown." Fuyutsuki murmured almost sadly. He looked down at Shinji and lightly grasped his shoulder.

If he could have moved, he would've thrown the old man across the room. But he watched in silent seething rage as the man stalked away back to the medical tools and brought back a syringe full of more clear liquid.

"D-on't touch m-me!" Shinji stammered, panic rising in his pit of his stomach as he somewhat inching away from Fuyutsuki in vain.

The old man sighed as he held down Shinji restrained arm and slowly stuck the needle in.

"This will numb the pain, I promise it will all be over soon."

Shinji shuddered as he felt the drug slither through his bloodstream. His vision blurred and he felt his stomach coil in knots. His body became to heavy and relaxed.

"Out of all the things I've done, this is what I'm most ashamed of. I am deeply sorry for this Shinji." Fuyutsuki whispered to the knocked out boy.

Fuyutsuki patted Shinji head before he mentality to prepare the reeducation procedure when he heard loud thudding and metal against metal. Soon it stared to steadily become closer, Fuyutsuki frowned as he turned to the door before it was promptly ripped off its hinges.

Fuyutsuki flew back into the wall momentarily dazed. Grunting through the pain flaring in his right shoulder and head he stared through the dust and debris in fear as he gazed at the face of Eva Unit-13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu, get you're ass in gear.


	9. A Showdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu has a little fit and Shinji is woken af.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU LIKE PLOT, CAUSE THIS CHAPTER WAS 28 PAGES A PURE PLOT AND SHIT IM TIRED

Kaworu smiled confidently at his renewed determination to bring happiness. Stretching his arms he lazily popped his shoulders working his sore muscles in the process. It was almost sunset and he had not walked his usual route yet. Hopefully if he ran into Shinji, the two could actually talk and make a plan.

Jumping off the post Kaworu slowly descended with a soft tap on the ground. With one last glance to the setting sky he was about to leave when a horrible sensation suddenly came over him. His whole body convulsed as if he was shocked. His previous thoughts were cast aside as he felt Shinji's A.T. Field suddenly flare up from somewhere in the depths of Terminal Dogma.

His stomach churned as he could feel the Field flicker in distress and abruptly falter. A moment later it was overshadowed by… _something_ taking him off his radar. Kaworu’s heart clenched in fear. He couldn't sense him anymore.

 _"Shinji!"_ Of course something would happen to him while he was wallowing in self-pity. How could he leave him unprotected?!

Levitating off the ground Kaworu sped toward NERV. The wind ruffled through his sliver hair as he raced to the hidden chamber at break neck speed. Kaworu's face steeled in concentration as he tried to pinpoint Shinji. But all he received back was nothing but haze. Something was disrupting his perception, leaving him in the dark.

Dread slowly dawned on him when he couldn't even find the First or the assistant. But he could find _Him_. Anger began to boil under his skin. He did something without his knowledge again.

Flying past the ruined HQ he passed over the exposed Eva cages coming closer to his destination, when a sudden voice called to him.

 _"Nagisa Kaworu."_ A calm voice echoed in his head.

Well, speak of the devil. The Angel halted and hovered in the air, speculating how she was able to find him but he was unable to do the same.

 _"Yes, First Child."_ Kaworu strained. He really didn't have time for this, but she could hold the answers to his accumulating questions. Reluctantly he held his composure and continued to converse with her.

"Come to the facility near Terminal Dogma. He requests an audience with you."

_"And if I decline?" Kaworu asked innocently, with a lingering venom lost on the doll._

_"He is waiting."_ She said, an almost bewildered tone coming from her limited vocal range.

_"Well tell him that-"_

_"He says, Ikari-kun will be there shortly, after preparations are done."_ She murmured softly in their telepathic link.

Kaworu's heart leapt into his throat.

 _"What preparations are you talking about? Where is Shinji?"_ Kaworu demanded. His anger starting to resurface with a vengeance.

_"Come."_

Kaworu hovered in the air, contemplating what to do. If he tried to look for Shinji on his own surely the First would hamper his efforts. There was no point of trying to get any more information out of her. He had a better chance of asking a wall. Still, the latter option was just a tediously undesirable.

Silently seething he made his way the main hall room. He half-heartily tried to pick up Shinji's soul, but only received the same warbled mess of static. If he kept this up any longer he was going to get a headache.

Hissing through his teeth, the Angel reluctantly followed the path into an obvious trap. He would play their game for the time being.

* * *

Kaworu gravitated to the chamber in silence. His eyes shifted to the red platform where _He_ was standing patiently overhead, the Eva 13 chamber looming in the distance. Kaworu landed gently on the platform across from him. Slinking his hand in his pockets nonchalantly. He smothered all hampering emotions the best he could.

"Nagisa Kaworu." He called, voice resonating throughout the complex.

"Where's Shinji?" Kaworu asked lightly, his tone carried an underlying dark promise. The Angel's fists clenched and unclenched in his pockets as he glared at the man above him. He was dealing with a manipulative man and the more composed he was the more likely he could find out where Shinji was being held. Kaworu would have to wait and see how this facade would play out. A coy smile pulled on his lips, falling into his familiar character once again.

"He's occupied at the moment, but this gives us time to talk." Gendo said with a knowing smirk, steadily growing at the Fifth's child's glowering from below. "It must be frustrating not being able to locate him." He added in mock remorse.

Kaworu barely repressed his instincts to lunge at him and rip his throat out. Swallowing his pride he continued on with the game.

"To discuss your plans with me? Why the change in heart?" Kaworu question innocently, but anticipation bubbled under his skin. What was he planning? What had he done to Shinji?

"I feel like you've been in the dark long enough and I am giving you a brand new opportunity to help me." He said simply like he shooting the breeze with Kaworu.

"What kind of opportunity, if I may ask?" Kaworu chimed, raising a brow. Maybe with all this time he really had lost edge? No, that couldn't be right he always has something up his sleeve.

"A chance to be at Shinji’s side of course." Gendo offered nonchalantly.

Kaworu stared at that monster in front of him. How dare him. He didn't need his permission to be with Shinji from the man who abandoned him time and time again?!

"That is, if I have your word that you will not disrupt our...experiment, I'll allow you to be with _my_ son." His tone dead serious.

 _"Calm down, he wants you to lose control."_ His thoughts warned. But he couldn't help but stifle a growl. Something didn't sit well with how he drawled out _my son._ A possessive spark flared in his chest.

"How generous of you. And if I refuse to cooperate?" Kaworu questioned, cocking his head to the side in mock innocence. His smile never faltering in the power struggle with him.

"Then your services will not be needed." Gendo glanced at the sky and raised a hand. Springing out of nothingness, Mark. 09 appeared in the radar...with something with a _corrupted_ presence heading towards him.

His eyes widened and turned his head at the appearance of the Eva stalking in room, scythe dangerously in hand. Above hovering like a halo was a Mark-04, the massive chunky black disc twirling about. The “legs” were not yet deployed, still in dormant mode. It looked similar like the other Mark-04, but with "Prototype" scrawled on its side in bright white letters.

The Prototype’s A.T. Field simmered in the air before it propelled itself directly at Kaworu, screeching as it reached high velocity. Four spindly legs morphed from the Prototype, swirling together intending to tear apart the other Angel. Kaworu glared at the hybrid, his Field flickered to life and clashed with the octagonal panel as sparks mixed with the red glow of the chamber. Kaworu shot a look at Gendo before he pushed his Field upwards, stabbing right through the Prototype.

That's when it morphed around Kaworu's A.T. Field forming a "X" pattern, circling around him in a series of crosses like a halo over Kaworu. A white light flashed down on him like rays of sunlight over him. Kaworu shielded his eyes as he was drowned in a blinding pure light as it filtered around him creating an octagonal box prism. Peering through Kaworu realized he was now in a prison, a rainbow of colors reflected the artificial light.

Kaworu quickly forced his field into the barrier and was met with resistance. He doubled the strength and the Field groaned in response, but didn’t break way. Shit.

 _"An Anti-AT Field that can hold me?_ " Kaworu thought bitterly. His head swerved to Gendo as he started to speak again.

"It's a new breed of the NEMESIS Series, borrowed from SEELE. There are still some kinks to work around, but for our purpose it should be sufficient."

Kaworu minimized the Field so it only covered his head and managed to give Gendo a dirty look as the wave length barred down on him. He was temporally confined.

"Now that we have an understanding, do you accept my offer?" He asked in his usually calm tone.

Kaworu made a show of bringing his hand to his chin in a dramatics. "Before I give you my answer, tell me your plan?" 

"Since you are so keen on persuading Shinji to halt the 4th impact, I thought it was necessary to enact my back-up plan." Gendo mused as he spun his tale.

"What kind of back-up plan?" Kaworu countered. A frown working on his features. What was he talking about?

"The one that insures I have a new willing trigger.” Gendo said simply. The finality of that statement rubbed Kaworu the wrong way. This plan set in motion seemed like it that had no intentions of stopping and the Angel was…unnerved.

Kaworu’s brows knotted together, his smile losing its edge.

“If you two refused to become the triggers for the 4th impact, then I would create my own using the failures." He carried on, his voice darkening at the mention of the failures.

"A new trigger..." Kaworu whispered a loud, the cogs in his head started to turn. Is it even possible to make a new trigger from scratch? It was against everything- against the rules.

"Yes, one that would not need Shinji or yourself to enact the Impact. The only thing it required from you two was the materials and a period to incubate." Gendo explained rather uninterestedly.

"That still doesn't answer my question. Shinji's male, it shouldn't be possible for him to carry, let alone sustain a child." Kaworu said, with chagrin underlying his melodious voice.

"Unless, I put my hand into play as well." Gendo commented off-handily.

"How so?" Kaworu nearly growled. The words of SEELE echoed in his head from their brief conference. Gendo had been two steps ahead of him again, rearranging and adding new pieces to their game while he was distracted. 

Gendo smiled, enjoying the hostility from the Angel. “A fetus is nothing more than a creature feeding off its host without consequence. Leftovers from the Ayanami Series were infused together with an embryo purged from a reliable donor, thus creating a self-sustaining parasitic embryo." A satisfied smirk worked on his lips as he continued. "The perfect begin for implantation. All it needed was Shinji’s and your genetic materials for its conception." 

Kaworu couldn't speak, afraid the bile in his throat would rise. That was just _wrong._ How could he create something like that and implant it in Shinji. And Kaworu was personally apart of it?

"As predicted, it settled within him without a hitch. Creating an artificial womb and transformed his body from the inside to accommodate for the task."

Shallowing down bile and fear, he spoke up. "I don't understand, why use Shinji when you have the First?" Kaworu chided. It should have been the more logical choice in his corrupted mind.

"You know as well as I, that she wouldn’t work. Rei would not have been compatible with the Embryo. It would have rejected her. It needs a soul, which we no longer have." Gendo trailed off, staring off before he snapped back to his stoic asshole demeanor.

Kaworu shook his head and let out a bark of laughter between uncertainly and absurdity. "So your son was the next best option?" he cried to the deranged man. It was sad…and desperate. A field Kaworu was known to dabble in.

"Correct, in addition he's a trigger." Gendo explained. "His body has been manipulated to be the one capable enough to carry the new trigger to full term."

Kaworu said nothing as he tried to swallow all this new information. What did he mean by manipulated? The answers he received only raised more questions. It was a vicious cycle.

"Your memories must still be muddled; I wouldn't expect you to remember that night. Gendo trailed off. “I had Rei ensure the trigger’s conception.” 

Kaworu flinched. "What did you do? What happened that night?"

"A simple injection of endorphins. It was easier to get your genetic materials if forced into that situation. Similar to animals driven into heat, nature took its’ course.” Gendo commented.

Kaworu couldn't respond. A hot shame washed over him, burning the Angel to the core. Did he really do that? Did he take advantage of Shinji? He would never forgive himself if he did.

“And just like that, the new trigger was created.” Gendo paused. “Or more in a more literal sense, your offspring was conceived. One with the Fruit of Knowledge and Fruit of Life."

No. He wasn't it’s father. The whole creation was an abomination and he was not going to be part of it. Kaworu’s body went ridged with anticipation. "Then I guess I'll have to exterminate it."

"Oh I wouldn't try that. If the embryo is detached or destroyed, it'll kill Shinji in the process. It's A.T. Field is bonded to his, destroying it is the same as crushing his soul.” He announced smugly.

Kaworu's felt his heart being pieced several times over. There was nothing he could do.

"Once it’s born, it will make contact with the remnants of Lilith and start the 4th Impact. Instrumentality will be achieved."

"That will never happen. Shinji would never agree to this." Kaworu announced, fire burning in his crimson eyes.

"Shinji's will is of no consequence soon." Gendo scoffed.

"What did you do to him?" Kaworu growled, while his heart clench at his ominous words.

"He is being re-educated. He will soon not even recall you. What I'm offering is for you to stay with him the duration of the incubation as his guard. Then once I have my trigger you may do what you will with him." Gendo voice steeled as he offered his ultimatum to the Angel.

"You're a monster." Kaworu answered breathlessly. Nothing would ever sway him to let go of the past. But then again what was he doing.

"I will become whatever it takes to achieve my goal. The same goes for you.” 

"Do not lumps us together. I actually care for him. I want a future for him, while you live in the past. You just use him however you feel fit and get rid of him the second you're done." Kaworu barked back.

"He only has one purpose to fulfil." He replied stony faced.

"You caused your son to destroy this world and live with that over his head as you left him in the dark of your own agenda." Kaworu continued, not caring if his compose had slipped up considerably. Being near that man was a battle within itself.

"Collateral damage." Gendo mussed without a care in the world. The Angel gave him a pricing glare in return. "Do you accept my offer?" Gendo cut in, growing tired of the constant back and forth.

Kaworu paused, thinking of his options. "And if it goes to term...Shinji will revert to normal, before all the tampering."

"Yes, he would return back to his original form. You can have him and we'll have the new trigger.

He could he take the deal. The Angel stilled and gave him a once over. Actually contemplating if he should take his offer. Kaworu smirked, all apprehension melted from his shoulders as he spoke.

“I refuse.” With that decorrelation Kaworu’s Field burst forth in all directions at full power, piercing the "Prototype" through and through. He received a satisfactory screech of pain as a reward. His Field rotated, slashing through the Prototype like it was nothing. Crimson rained down on the dissipating angelic ray as Kaworu nonchalantly slipped his hands in his pockets.

The monstrosity collapsed in a heap of metal and flesh litter in a circular pattern where it had been in the air previously. Kaworu levitated from the wreckage and eyes traveled to Gendo’s stoic face. He didn’t even flinch as his latest toy was destroyed in front of him. Kaworu turned his attention to the massive Eva chamber.

With a brief glance the chamber and the security measures automatically unlocked as he tampered with the safety protocols. Audible clicks and clanks could be heard from the chamber as it whirled into overdrive. Gendo slowly moved his head as toward it, watching as the Angel undid its locks and begin to open.

The “Womb” suddenly shot opened and mechanical hands activated, reaching down to the opened shaft. Revealing the newly formed Eva 13.

"And exactly are you planning to do?" Gendo turned back to Kaworu albeit cautiously.

"I would say kill you and set Shinji free, but I’m afraid time is short. So, I’ll be leaving and taking Shinji with me." Kaworu replied with a wild smirk that utterly destroyed Gendo’s smug look.

Kaworu’s A.T. field encompassed the Eva, seeking control over it. It was an empty shell with no souls to be found. Interesting…it was intended for two souls to operate. It was too easy. The Angel forced his free will over it, seizing all functions.

The Eva finally jerked into to a fake life, it’s head swiveled until glowing yellow eyes locked with the King of Lilin.

"Rei." Within a heartbeat Rei aimed her scythe at Kaworu, but it bounced off his Field. Kaworu didn't even glance at Mark.09 as Eva-13 flung itself at her. The harsh sound of metal and metal clashing against each other rung out through the air. Both Eva's fell cumbersomely on the floor, but not for long. The purple Eva bolted upright and pushed Mark. 09 off of it, clattering to the floor below.

"If you excuse me, I'll take my leave." Kaworu declared airily, smiling as he made his departure in the air. He focused on finding the Prototype’s signature now. Eva-13 hovered in the air like a rag doll while Kaworu glided across Central Dogma. His A.T. Field gathered around punching a giant spherical hole large enough for the Eva to float in.

Kaworu focused in on Shinji weaken wavelength and followed it like a life line. But his concentration was interrupted when Mark. 09 lunged at Eva-13, free falling down the elevator shaft with an earth-shattering boom. Kaworu followed the path of destruction, as he flew toward Shinji's presence.

Eva 13 propelled it's leg in the center of Mark. 09 successfully knocking it off its feet. Taking his eyes off the battle he located Shinji's soul and adrenaline encouraged his speed as he flew down the long hallways until he reached a heavily armored door. Shinji was in there. And so was another Prototype. Latched on the door like a leech.

It shrieked at Kaworu, as multiple appendages burst from its body and aimed at him.

The tendons tried to skewer him, but hit his Field. Screeching, it’s appendages began to shift and became more pincer like. It aimed again at Kaworu in hopes of piercing him but hit came in contact with the purple blur. Eva-13 right hand clutched into the wiry limps and promptly ripped them off. The Prototype screamed in pain as it tried to shifted its body out of the Eva's grasp.

"No you don't." Kaworu said briskly. His A.T. Field contorted around the remaining body of the Prototype in a pulsating orange glow. It was trapped in his field as he shrank the field in all directions. It continues to screech and cry as he contorted the field to flatten it like a pancake. With a loud mechanical pop, blood spurted out in all directions. The walls and ground decorated in red. The remaining fragments were squished in the now transparently thin field.

Kaworu wasted no time and flung the remnants at Mark. 09 as she came barreling toward him. With a simple command, Eva-13 punched through the metallic door before he willed it to fight with the now blood soaked Mark.09.

  


The Angel hovered through the hole and glanced over to the elderly man staring at Kaworu horrified. Half of him felt elated that he could cause such fear but the other half could care less. Shinji, not so much.

K-Kaworu?" Shinji cried out, not quite believing his eyes. There was an Eva that looked strikingly familiar to Unit-01 hovering right outside the massive hole he'd just made.

"Shinji are you alright?" Kaworu asked concerned heavy in his voice. He hovered closer to Shinji.

"Y-yes?" He honestly had no idea but it seemed like the correct choice. He looked around and saw Fuyutsuki cradling his arm and staring at the Eva in muted horror.

Kaworu finally touched the ground and reached out to the restrains on Shinji. With an irritated look, the locks suddenly deactivated, springing open with a click. "We don't have much time; I need your help." Kaworu said in a rush sounding a little hesitant.

He reached out to take Shinji's hands but Shinji flinched away.

"No!" Shinji backed away further, scrambling off the bed in his haste.

"Shinji please!" He stopped, glancing at the Eva before there was the gradating sound of metal hitting metal.

Kaworu cursed as Eva-13 was thrown from the room. The Angel glowered at Mark. 09 as it's hand shot out to grab him but to no avail.

A fist slammed into his A.T. Field, creating a simmering light show. Kaworu focused his control of the Evangelion to flank Mark. 09. 

"Shinji I know you feel like you can't trust me, but we need to leave." Kaworu made a move to approach Shinji cautiously. But Shinji took a step back.

"How can I trust you?" Shinji cut in.

"Because I know you'll make the right choice." Kaworu answered hopefully, offering his hand.

Shinji's was at a loss. Too many things were happening at once, he couldn't think straight. He looked back at Kaworu and the Eva. He only had two options and one of those was not ignoring the problem before it went away. Stay here and be controlled by his father or freedom with an Angel?

"Fine!" Accepting the offered hand Shinji willingly changed his fate.

"Hold on." Kaworu murmured. He leaned down, gingerly scooping Shinji up bridal style.

Shinji wrapped his arms around his neck and shut his eyes as he felt them gliding in the air. He looked around one last time at elderly man crumple on the floor. Sadness and hatred washed over him. His thoughts were scrambled as the familiar sound of and entry plug opening alerted him. 

Kaworu lowered him close enough before he jumped in with a splash.

The sensation of LCL filled his lungs was welcomed and feared. Shinji opened his eyes at the new surroundings in the plug. The double entry plug was strange. He felt around and found some sort of wall- a barrier?

"Kaworu?" Shinji whispered, unease settling in him.

"Yes Shinji?" In a flash of colors and lights, Kaworu appeared next to him in the plug.

Shinji held his gaze a little more than he should have and quickly broke it to stare at the new controls. "What do we need to activate it."

"It's simple, just sync with me and activate it. We should be able to at least pass that feat." He said a little sadly. "We should hurry." He added in quickly as Mark. 09 came barreling at them.

Shinji looked just in time as Mark.09 tried to crashed into Kaworu's Field.

"Okay, okay." Shinji cleared his mind focusing one thing. He thought about the good times when they were together playing the piano. The stargazing, just talking. Their promise to one another to rebuild the world.

A warm feeling spread through his chest. The serene feeling, he felt in the times they played together. Content with Kaworu near. Without any prompting he opened his mouth to say the magic words alone side Kaworu.

"Evangelion Unit-13, go!" Both yelled in sync.

The Evangelion awoke, four yellow eyes willed to life. The joints loosened and hummed into actual activation.

Shinji turned to see Kaworu staring at him with a bewildered expression like he was thinking they would fail.

"What?" Shinji asked harshly.

"Nothing, I wasn’t sure it would work but you proved me wrong." Kaworu said with a small smile. 

A smile that Shinji should hate, but he couldn’t stop the blooming feeling rise in his chest.

"Whatever." Shinji turned to hide the creeping blush burning on his cheeks. He was still mad and complements were not going to make everything better. He was blushing from frustration he told himself.

Kaworu sighed next to him. He wanted to talk more with Shinji, bring him closure. But that would have to wait. Instead he focused all his attention to this strange Eva. It didn't have an AT of its own, instead it had artificial ones. Going with the flow he deployed the RS Hooper drones. "Hold on Shinji."

The Eva shot forward, speeding away from Mark. 09 with ease. Shinji gripped the controls as the force pushed him back on the seat making his stomach drop. He turned to see Kaworu not suffering from the same effects. Typical.

"Wait where are we going?!" They were getting further away from Central Dogma.

"Leaving." Kaworu said abruptly. The Eva rounded a corner sharply before making a beeline for an opening for the outside. The night sky was just within their reach.

"Wait! We need to get the spears though!" Shinji cried out.

"We can't, it's not safe anymore." Kaworu answered.

"But you said we needed the spears why can't we get them now?!" Shinji made a lunge for the controls before they stalled by some unknown force. A second later his whole control systems of the Eva was cut off. “Hey! What the hell!” Shinji turned accusingly at a guilty Kaworu seizing all the controls.

"I’m sorry, but it's too dangerous, our main goal is to get out of here."

"B-but" Shinji was cut from off as Mark.09 came crashing into them. A hand blindly reached for the release hatch. Eva-13 caught ahold of Mark.09, throwing the unit airborne several meters away. 

"Were you lying about the spears and rebuilding the world too!” Shinji pounded at the wall, a dark shadow crossed his face.

"I wouldn’t lie about that. But even if we could, we would never make it passed the final containment of Central Dogma."

"Why not?!"

Kaworu flinched at Shinji’s accusing words, his heart sinking at how much he believed in himself. "I wouldn’t lie about that. But even if we could, we would never make it passed final containment of Central Dogma."

"Why not?!"

"Our synchronization is off balance. We need perfect harmony to penetrate the seal." Kaworu explained. 

"So don't we have that now? We activated the damn thing!” Shinji seethed behind the wall.

Kaworu sighed as his shoulders slumped. He turned to Shinji an unreadable expression on his face. “Can you honestly say you have hundred percent faith in me?" 

"I-I mean…" Shinji paused, looking away at his lap with a scowl. The seconds ticked by. His silence was his answer.

"You can't even say it yourself,” Kaworu smiled sadly at him. He regarded Shinji with one longing look before his demeanor changed. His eyes focused straight ahead with purpose. “It's alright though." He took hold of the hand controls and prepared to launch the Eva full speed- but Shinji banged on the wall abruptly, startling Kaworu.

"You’re right I don't know if I can trust you.” Shinji’s fist flattened on the wall between them. He appeared out of sorts with his feelings but managed to wrestle out a declaration. “But that doesn't mean I can't try!"

Kaworu dared to hope. This was a start at rekindling their relationship. “Shinji-“

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you!” Shinji warned. His blue eyes piercing Kaworu’s apologetic gaze.

”

“I understand.” Kaworu murmured dejectedly.

“But if I want to make things right then I’ll need your help to get the spears. And maybe I’ll be able to get rid of this thing in the process.” Shinji muttered the last part.

Kaworu paused for a long moment examining Shinji. His poster had changed considerable, no longer slouching and unsure. He was determined. Finally, he sighed in defeat. “Alright, I know I can’t stop you once your mind is set on something.”

The Eva sudden halted before it veered left, Mark. 09 was right at their heels. It made another attempt at reaching at the hatch, but was knocked back by the RSS drones.

“What the hell, we can’t shake her! What does she want?” Shinji growled in frustration as he saw the her rise up again.

“You, I’m afraid.” Kaworu said curtly. A frown deepening on his face. Unit-13 stopped and faced it head on. The purple unit lounged at Mark. 09 a punch aimed at its torso sending it crashing into the adjacent wall. It didn’t stay down for long before it pushed itself up charging right back at Unit-13 but rammed into Kaworu’s A.T. Field.

“Why?” Shinji stopped as his gaze traveled down to his belly hesitantly. A sense of dread washed over him. It wasn’t necessarily him they care for it was oh. “They want it…”

“And since I’m not needed anymore, there is nothing stopping them from disposing of me.” Kaworu confirmed. “That’s why we have to get out of here.” 

“Dispose of…” Shinji whispered. True, he was furious and mistrusting of Kaworu, but that didn’t mean that he wanted him to- die. He couldn’t bring himself to think of a world without Kaworu…It was unthinkable. He looked back at him with a dishearten look.

”It appears that she’s been ordered to retrieve you unharmed.” Kaworu assured. At least they valued Shinji’s safety somewhat.

“So she can’t hurt us?” Shinji questioned. 

“Lucky for us we can use this to our advantage.” Kaworu smiled. He turned to see Mark. 09 making its way toward them again. She was persistent, but Shinji wanted the spears and Kaworu was going to deliver.

The air pressure shifted as Kaworu’s A.T. Field began filtering around themselves. Eva Unit-13 started to rise off the ground. “Whoa! What’s happening!” Shinji grabbed the controls as the Eva began to float higher and higher.

Mark. 09 leapt up, trying to feebly try to grasp Unit-13’s foot. But the drones sped down appearing in front of Mark. 09 before charging up an A.T. Field, blasting the Unit through several levels. 

“We’re getting the spears. Hold on tight.” Kaworu murmured a jovial smile on his face. The Eva picked up speed, flying past blurs of deserted buildings and ruins.

Shinji’s stomach flipped flopped as they flew by, way too fast for his liking. He prayed to every god known to man for this hell ride to end and not to fucking throw up. Like a godsend Unit-13 coasted to a stop, hovering over a giant pit. The gods must have heard.

“T-To fast.” Shinji groaned, holding a hand over his mouth. If he wasn’t nauseous before all of that was thrown out the widow thanks to Kaworu. The obscure thought of what happens when you threw up in an Eva passed his mind. But he didn’t want to know the answer. 

“I’m sorry Shinji. We needed to get here quickly…will you be alright?” He turned to Shinji in alarm, worry etched on his face. Kaworu mentally kicked himself. He got too excited and became reckless. Not really helping himself to win back Shinji’s trust.

Shinji nodded, breathing through his nose roughly. “Yeah…I’ll live.” Shinji grit through his teeth. He chanced a glance at Kaworu and saw the genuine concern radiating on his face and his heart ached. He looked like he really cared…but it could be a trick. He suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be angry at him. Shinji quickly changed his posture, becoming ridged and hard. “So this is it? We’re here?”

“Yes, down there is Central Dogma, we just need to get to the lowest level.” Kaworu explained. He could see Shinji’s shoulders slump from the corner of his eye.

Shinji leaned closer to the screen, inspecting the drop. “Looks inviting.”

Kaworu smiled at the light-heartedness. But the urgency of their situations came barreling through him. The unsettling feeling washed over him as they hovered over Central Dogma. Nothing good could come out from this.

"Shinji I still have a bad feeling about this we could be falling into a trap." He confessed. What they really needed to do was to get the hell out of here, spears be damned. Kaworu peered down and felt sick for an entirely different reason."

“I know, but it’s worth a shot.” Shinji said, determination filling his voice. He wasn’t going to fail the world again. He was supposed to save everyone and then everything could go back. Back before everything changed.

“That’s so like you.” Kaworu sighed, a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. Focusing on the objective at hand the Eva started to drift downward being swallowed in darkness.

“Let’s go.” Emergency lights were triggered as they made their descent. The green walls ended and were taken over by a red overgrowth.

“T-the walls are they-” Shinji looked up in confusion. They looked like a collage of red Eva’s merged to the wall like stubborn weeds.

“Those who failed to merge with the Infinite.” Kaworu answered. The Eva steadily approached its target. “Get ready, below us lies the heart of Central Dogma. We just need to get past the containment level.”

“It looks like a giant lid.” Shinji muttered to himself. The thing stretched across the whole abyss in darkness. 

They Eva hovered over the containment field, simmering in the low lights. "Now just think of us playing the piano." Kaworu urged softly.

"Alright, alright." Shinji said with a shaky breath. He took a deep breath to clear his mind. Anxiety built up in his heart, trying not to think of scenarios of them failing. Think of something happy- Think of-“

_“I’m an Angel.”_

_“Why is this happening?!”_

_“In the end you can’t trust anyone!”_

_"Kaworu lied!"_

Shinji jolted to his sense as they fell out of alignment. An invisible force pushed them back, repealing them into the wall. And everything shut down.

* * *

"Ughhh. Why didn’t it work Kaworu?" He groaned a loud. Shinji pried an eye open and realized he was alone in the plug. Like magic Kaworu was gone.

"Kaworu? Where are you?" Shinji cried out. He was all alone that couldn't be possible he was just with Kaworu!

 _"Shinji. Ikari. Ikari Shinji."_ A very feminine voice calls out to him. It was eerily similar to Rei’s he noted.

"Who are you?!"

_"You were once mine, but no longer." ___

"What the hell does that mean?!"

The voice turned into a light in the midst of the darkness forming a humanoid shape.

The shaped crawled toward him languidly. Shinji was frozen it was looking more and more like Rei with each step.

"R-rei?" Shinji stammered.

The figure jerk to a halt before its head snapped up with an unnatural smile. Hollow eyes stared down at him.

In the next moment the figure was inches from his face laughing at a frequency that hurt his ears. Black hollow eyes with red pupils started back at him.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Shinji jumped, his arms outstretched to keep her away.

* * *

"Shinji!" Kaworu called again but he remained limp, head hanging low.

The Angel glanced at the remains of Lilith.

Had Lilith somehow made contact with him? Wasn’t she dormant?

”Don’t worry Shinji, I’ll break you free!”

He'll have to cut off their connection. The Eva fell into a battle stance as Kaworu's will took full control. A halo began to materialize over its head.

He focused his telepathic link working to find the right connection. Kaworu place his hand on the wall separating him and focused forming a link with Shinji. Soul touching soul. 

_"Shinji?"_ Kaworu thought. It was dark wherever he was trapped.

 _"Adam? Tabris? Or maybe Nagisa Kaworu? What is your true name?"_ A feminine voice called out. The one he had heard a handful of times. 

_"I'd prefer Nagisa Kaworu."_ Kaworu murmured.

_"Nagisa Kaworu what do you seek?" Lilith’s voice asked._

_"Ikari Shinji."_

_"He is here." She said vaguely._

_"Where?"_

_"Seeking retribution for his sin." She hummed._ "As should you." __

 _"And what sin should that be?”_ Kaworu asked deadpanned.

_As long as you live Ikari Shinji will suffer and the sin will repeat itself in a vicious cycle." Lilith informed._

_"I know I’m going to change that."_

_"Be wary of the path you seek. You may not like what you find at the end.”_

_"I'll keep that in mind."_

_"Do you still wish to leave the Lilin to their devices. Would it be much better if Instrumentality happen? That was forfeited in our contract."_

_“That was your agreement with Adam.”_

_"Yet the Angels still live."_ She commented harshly." Another plan had been sent in motion."

 _"One involving a child."_ Kaworu questioned. It seemed to be the hot topic around. 

She smiled.

_"Yes. Another part of me has be taken and created."_

_"Another you?"_

_"Part me, part you, part another. It will be my successor and yours.”_ She said almost happily. 

_"Successor?"_

_"Don't you want to remember Tabris?_ " A voice echoes in his head.

Sudden visions flashed in his head. Like entering the missing links in his memory. Somethings he had seen, some he hadn't. Flashes and outs of forgotten memories flowed into his head. The First standing in a doorway, the feeling of need over taking him, Shinji was writhing under him and calling out his name in ecstasy.

_"Kaworu-"_

_"This is-"_ The visions abruptly stopped as Kaworu jolted awake when Eva-13 was thrown flat on its back, clattering on the ground. Wait- solid ground?

When did they end up on the surface? He was out longer than he thought.

”Where have you been?” Shinji shouted at him. “A little help would be nice about now!” Shinji barked at Kaworu. Warning sirens blared as Mark 9 came charging at them.

Wasting no more time Kaworu leapt into action. The Eva shot up, halting Mark. 09 in it’s track with a thunderous clank. The free leg reeled back before catapulting her across the way.

Kaworu looked and realized there were above Central Dogma. How long was he out?

“We need to leave now.” Kaworu cut in, reaching for the controls.

“But the spears!” Shinji retorted. 

“Shinji you saw it yourself, we can’t get them right now.” Kaworu winced when he saw Shinji’s desperate face. He needed this more than anything and Kaworu was denying it again. Kaworu sighed.

“I know your upset, I am too.” Kaworu tried to persuade him. “Let’s leave, so we can fight another day.”

Shinji took a deep breath and sighed. All tension left his body and he muttered a reply “Fine.”

The Eva turned toward an opening and bolted at full speed.

Kaworu could see the clear starlight in the distance but it was overshadowed when Mark. 09 came crashing down, scythe in hand.

“Come on!” Shinji screamed exasperated.

“I’ve had enough if this!” Eva 13 wrestled the scythe from its hands and with a well-placed kick, sent it flying.

Rising the scythe above its head and swung downward, plunging it in the torso. “Stay down.”

“Kaworu…” Fear pierced through his heart. Kaworu was never like this…or had he always been this _cold_.

“Now let's leave…it will take her awhile to rebound from that.”

“Whatever, as long as we get out of here.” 

“Agreed.” The Evangelion levitated again, floating in the air like a messenger of god before it flew away into the open night sky.

The unit touched down after an hour of unrest flying by request of Shinji. And now both sat in silence. Shinji was curled himself facing away from him. Great, just wonderful. Kaworu thought.

“Shinji…” Kaworu tried to begin.

“I don’t want to talk.” Shinji cut in briskly. He continued to face away from him.

“I understand.” Kaworu sighed. It was worth a shot to try.

With all the revelations and fighting that happen Kaworu was tired. Exhaustion seeped through his bones. All of the day came barreling through him full force. Maybe if he just rested his eyes he would be fine.

“Kaworu?” Shinji asked. When he didn’t respond he panicked. “Kaworu!” But it was too late, he was gone.

* * *

This was wrong. She was supposed to stop them. She was ordered to. Just as she readied the scythe over what had been the Eva's head an familiar voice commanded her.

"Change of plans. Let them leave and return to the Eva docking wing I have a task for you." He said evenly. Hesitating longer than it should have she finally responded. She had to.

"Understood." She murmured.

"Good girl." She didn't like when he called her that a phantom feeling if something always washed over her. Maybe at some point she like it but now it didn't feel right.

But she never voiced her opinions no matter what she thought. Silently she watched as them flew further away. Part of her wondered what that would be like to just leave and be...not here. But that thought was crushed as she reminded herself she was given order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord Bless its done. The next chapter's going to be my fave. I hope you all like flashbacks.


	10. Blame it on the Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu has a very interesting dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who redid this and it's way better than last time(imo). It's just smut. Plot and smut.

“Kaworu?" Shinji tried again but to no avail. Kaworu was out like a light. He would have thought he was actually dead if not for the steady rise and fall of his chest. He sighed, falling back into his seat grumpily. Shinji had no idea where they were headed, but all he knew was that it was someplace without NERV surveillance.

The Eva just kept on walking forward and Shinji had to comply. Kaworu still had him on standby mode when he took the controls. How the Eva was still moving was a wonder. Where even was the power source?

Shinji sighed looking off in the distance with a bored look. He gazed around the vastness of world that seemed so bleak now that he was outside. The starlight illuminated the shadows of his past mistake. Shinji's home he grew so familiar with was no more but a wasteland was left in his wake.

"This is my fault too isn't?" Shinji murmured to no one. He was supposed to take responsibility for all this? Just like that? That was too much pressure to handle. He sunk further in his seat.

Everything was fucked.

Looking over at Kaworu again still in the same position he wondered what he was dreaming about. What was he dreaming about? Could Angel’s even dream? Shinji sighed, shifting in his seat to get comfortable for whatever was to come next. He could hardly wait.

* * *

 

Kaworu knew he was dreaming. He had been pulled under long ago and had yet escaped. What was keeping him here? Floating along the endless abyss felt like forever. What was he supposed to remember? Remember- remember what exactly?

 _"Do you want to remember?"_ A familiar annoying voice asked.

Kaworu heart hammered in his chest as he jerked awake.

The Angel was suddenly aware he was not where he should be after scanning his surroundings. He was in Shinji's room, with Shinji. Wait- what?

"We really can rebuild the world can't we Kaworu." Shinji asked enthusiastically, the bed creaking as he leaned closer to him. Eyes wide in wonder and admiration directed at him.

 _"S-Shinji?"_ Kaworu was confused.

"Of course, it will be as easy as playing the piano together." The words came out of his with mouth before his mind could register. That's not what he was going to say. His body began moving on its own accord.

"We'll put everything like it was Shinji, you and I together." He felt himself murmur. His hand reached out to encompass Shinji's hand.

This was a dream. His current Shinji would have flinched away from any contact from him...wait contact? Lilith had contacted him. Lilith's words suddenly dawned on him. This was his missing memory. He was just the "fill-in" Kaworu of this memory and presuming he had no control over the situation. Kaworu let the situation unfold around him.

Shinji sighed contently as Kaworu sat beside him. Both were so wrapped up in each other they barely heard the food tray pop up from the automatic dispenser.

“You should eat Shinji.” Kaworu urged gently.

“Would you eat with me?” Shinji asked hopefully a blush decorating his cheeks. How could Kaworu say no to that face?

“Of course, one moment.” Kaworu graciously stood up and headed for his room. Everything was going according to plan. All those years and timelines were finally coming through. He could barely contain his excitement. Kaworu nearly bounced back to Shinji with tray in hand.

The two sat in a comfortable silence as they ate their meal. Kaworu noticed the taste was different. It was strangely sweet…a reputation that this food was not known for in the slightest. An ominous feeling crept in the back of his mind.

“Kaworu I feel…weird.” Shinji slurred, as his hands began to shake. He was right something was wrong.

“Shinji…” Kaworu tried to ground out. But everything seemed to be slowing down. His vision started to double, disorienting him.

Shinji slumped over on the bed, his tray slipping from his fingers. Kaworu followed suit as he sunk to the floor and landed on his knees. He tried to remain conscious as his body tried to destroy the toxins.

The door suddenly slid open and Kaworu was surprised to see _her_.

“ _Y-you_.” Kaworu croaked. The First ignored him as she walked over the unconscious Shinji lying limply on the bed. Kaworu instincts flared up.

“Stay a- away from him!” He tried to move but was halted by the weight of his body. All coherent movement was a no go.

The First held out a syringe and hovered over Shinji. She gingerly pushed aside his shirts, positioning the needle on his lower abdomen. Shinji whimpered in his sleep as she plunged the needle into his flesh.

“Get-away.” Kaworu barked. But he doubted he could do anything in his current position. The edges of his vision were fading to black.

“It will all be over soon.”

Kaworu question went unspoken as the darkness took him.

Kaworu awoke feeling feverish, which was highly concerning for someone with his body temperature. He felt a sickly-sweet heat flow through his veins, clouding his senses. The clothes on his back felt too stuffy and constricting causing every movement to be over sensitive. This feeling of something wrong sank into the pit of his stomach. He tried to sit up, but a weight pushed on his chest and he flopped back on the ground. The same weight slowly caressed his arm causing him to let out a surprised gasp.

His eyes snapped open and was directly face to face with Shinji, looming over him on the floor. Shinji face was flushed a brilliant red, sweat lightly dotted his forehead. A pure look of wanton was painted all over his face.

_“What happened? What’s happening to me?”_

His mind fizzled out as Shinji planted a kiss right on his jugular. Electricity sparked to the spot he was kissed. Blood rushed straight down to his crouch causing his length to involuntary twitch.

“Ah- Shinji!” Kaworu squeaked jolting upright. Thankfully some of the blood returned to his face.

_“What’s wrong with him?”_

“Ka- woru.” Shinji slurred, holding on Kaworu's shirt for support. He burrowed his head in the crook of Kaworu's neck and peppered him in fervent kisses. "P-please the pressure." Shinji pleaded in between kisses. His hand gripped harder at Kaworu's shirt attempting to pull him down to his level.

“Shinji- no. Something is wron-” Kaworu tried to argue but melted into the kiss. Shinji crushed their bodies together, his free hand starting to rub small circles on Kaworu’s thigh.

_“What’s wrong with me?”_

Something in Kaworu’s mind tried to urge him to stop and snap back to reality. Gathering what little control he had over his body, he grabbed onto his shoulders and tried to usher Shinji off him. But his effort was quickly diminished when Shinji's hands snaked under his shirt. Shinji’s nails playfully dragged across Kaworu’s feverish skin, earning a tight moan. Heat settled in his stomach as Shinji roamed over Kaworu's chest, slowly making his way down to his navel. Kaworu whined, feeling his pants rub against the growing bulge. Kaworu released his hold on Shinji and instead opted to trap him in a kiss.

_“Don’t encourage this!”_

Shinji moaned in response, tangling his fingers in Kaworu’s hair. His legs straddled him as he began to rock back and forth on the tenting erection. Kaworu hastily broke the kiss and whimpered in the crook of Shinji’s neck. His hips eagerly met with Shinji’s in a slow tempo. Both jerked together panting and moaning each other’s name in fervor.

Shinji nudged Kaworu’s head with his cheek, releasing his grip on the latter’s shirt to caress his face and dive in for another kiss. His tongue peeked into Kaworu’s mouth which he much obliged.

_“Stop this!”_

Kaworu let out a pitiful whine as he felt Shinji backed away, breaking the uneven pace. Shinji’s hands fumbled with the Angel’s belt until he miraculously unhooked it. Kaworu’s whine quickly turned into a moan as Shinji hand dove into Kaworu’s pants. The silvered haired youth’s back arched, feeling Shinji curl his hand on the base of his cock and began to pump him slowly.

His hips jerked up with every sloppy flick of his wrist that soon found its rhythm. Kaworu’s body was blazing hot as Shinji continued to stroke him. His hand squeezed harder at the base and lightly dragged his nails to the tip fluidly. Small huffs escaped Kaworu, chest heaving in time with Shinji's. Heat stirred in his stomach, racing to the surface. He was going to be gone soon.

He had to return the favor…quick.

Kaworu leaned in and kissed Shinji, tongue diving deeper and tasting. His hand had better luck at getting Shinji’s belt off and snaked his hand into his pants, receiving a desperate moan from above. Kaworu gripped Shinji’s length already slick with sweat and began to pump.

Shinji’s grip on Kaworu tightened involuntarily causing Kaworu to whimper in pleasure. Momentarily dazed he bucked into Shinji’s hand. Both heedlessly jerked each other in rhythm like there was no tomorrow. Shinji leaned up and nipped at Kaworu’s overly sensitive neck, sucking on the abused flesh. Kaworu’s cock pulsed as heat flooded to his stomach as Shinji continued sucking skin just below the DSS Choker.

Kaworu cried out, the heat breaking through the surface as he came, spilling into Shinji's hand. His body shuddered as Shinji continued to milk him slowly as the aftershocks racked through him.

Kaworu was left gasping for air, trying to catch his breath. His senses quickly recovered as he focused on Shinji's release. His hand quickly increased its lost pace on Shinji's throbbing length. Shinji babbled nonsense in Kaworu’s neck while his hips fucked into the Angel’s hand. Soon enough Shinji’s head snapped back as his orgasm coursed through, reducing him to a shuddering mess. Kaworu drunkenly kissed Shinji’s neck as release spurted in his hold. Tapped out, Shinji slumped forward on Kaworu for support breathing hard.

Both boys were left panting in the aftermath of their orgasms. But it wasn’t enough. His body still felt too hot and eager to continue. The fire burned through veins rousing his stamina. Shinji’s body must of felt the same because he lunged at Kaworu, trapping him in a kiss.

“I-it won’t stop.” Shinji moaned into the side of Kaworu’s mouth. His legs wrapped around him, straddling him again.

Kaworu shuddered as he felt Shinji's renewed erection digging into his thigh. “Let-me try something.” Kaworu whispered with a husky voice. Grabbing onto Shinji's hips and settled him on his lap again hoping the friction would alleviate the ache.

“Oh god please.” Shinji whined.

“Wrap your legs around my waist.” Kaworu commanded and Shinji obeyed, automatically clinging to Kaworu. Without hesitation, Kaworu hefted Shinji in the air and both fell on the bed with a bounce. Looking down at Shinji pinned underneath him sent a shiver down his spine. Kaworu bent down and kissed Shinji hard, tongues slipping past each other’s lips.

Shinji’s hands traveled up on Kaworu’s shoulders maneuvering the crumpled dress shirt off his slim shoulders and threw it on the ground. He could take a hint.

Kaworu gently moved Shinji’s hands away as he hurriedly tried to rip off his purple undershirt. Shinji leaned up and slinked off his uniform and blue undershirt, flinging the bunched up material on the floor. Both sighed in relief as the constricting boundaries were thrown off.

Shinji inched forward and tugged at Kaworu’s now loose pants impatiently. Kaworu allowed him to slip off his black pants with a couple of tugs until the offending material was bunched at his ankles. Kaworu sighed in relief as he swiftly sat up and kicked the rest off . Kaworu hooked his two fingers in the waistband of Shinji’s pants and pulled. With one fell swoop Kaworu snatched Shinji’s pants right off, falling to the ground with a soft clank.

“So beautiful.” Kaworu murmured in a daze. Even his last scraps of sanity had to agree. His eyes traveled down the expanse of Shinji’s body and marveled every little thing from childhood scars to the little hidden freckles all around his body.

Kaworu leaned down and trailed kisses on his neck and soaked in the moans from Shinji. In return Shinji’s fingers traced the curve of Kaworu’s collar bone all the way down to his hips. The Angel shivered as his flesh felt scorching hot as Shinji stroked his body. Shinji continued his merry way until his hand grabbed his cock.

Kaworu grunted, jerking his head back at the feeling of his cock throb as Shinji's pumps increased in pace. With all the self-control he could muster, Kaworu grabbed hold Shinji’s wrists and pinned them above Shinji’s head. His free hand roamed down Shinji’s abdomen and curved around his thigh. The hand went to his cock, already leaking and swirled it around his finger. It was a little crude but it would have to do.

“Are you ready?”

“Y-yes!”

Kaworu chuckled as he brought his finger to Shinji, slowly pushing a finger in. Shinji gasped in pain and pleasure as he adjusted to Kaworu’s finger pushing in and out of him. Soon another finger was added and he grasped the sheets, breathing becoming more labored.

Shinji’s hands feebly tried to grasp on to something just to stay stable, but his hold was like iron. He slowly increased the speed and added a third finger for good measure. The ring of muscle tightened around Kaworu’s fingers at odd intervals, feebly trying to take more in. Shinji choked back a sob, his hips eagerly bobbing with Kaworu’s ministrations. He was so close it was torture.

The Angel continued to stroke Shinji, twisting and curling in the right spot before he couldn’t take it anymore. Watching him writhe and moan under himself drove his savage part up the wall. Kaworu abandoned holding Shinji's wrists hostage and instead grabbed his neglected length and started to stroke himself. Little gasps and moans escaped from Kaworu as he jerked himself and prodded Shinji with his fingers.

Shinji choked back a screamed, back arching while fisting at the sheets. His body convulsed violently as his cock bobbed against his belly before bursting on his stomach. Kaworu followed shortly after him, hunched over breathing heavily as he poured out into his hand. Both slumped against one another, breathing raggedly. It still wasn’t enough. The pain of holding of the pent- up pressure in was unbearable. There was only a minimal relief with each release. The fire in their veins was still burning brightly.

“Kaworu it w- on’t stop.” Shinji whimpered as Kaworu’s fingers left him.

“I know...I think we need more stimulation.” Kaworu slurred as he crawled over the little space between him and Shinji. He hovered over Shinji, his legs on either side of his hips and his hand rested on both side of Shinji’s face.

“Kaworu please -” Shinji urged, scooting up on the bed. His hands wandered up his arms to Kaworu’s hair. Tugging on the mass of silver fluff he brought Kaworu down to devour him in another lustful kiss.

The Angel moaned in response and then broke away, working his way down the expanse of Shinji’s legs. His chilled hands caused goose bumps to rise as he traced down to Shinji’s knees. He lifted Shinji’s legs up and they instinctively wrapped around Kaworu’s waist. Slightly hesitating, Kaworu looked down into Shinji’s hazy blue eyes.

“T-this is alright?” Kaworu questioned. His sanity returning in his voice.

“Please.” Shinji begged, nuzzling his face in the crook of Kaworu’s neck, lightly nipping at the pale skin. Kaworu breath hitched at the touch and his cock twitched with anticipation. He adjusted himself on the bed, aligning his cock with Shinji’s entrance. Grunting, Kaworu slowly pushed himself into him causing Shinji to cry out hoarsely.

Shinji gripped Kaworu’s shoulders, nails biting into the latter’s skin. Kaworu hissed at the pain but bared it, waiting for Shinji to adjust before thrusting deeper into him. Kaworu groaned as the walls tightened around him. His body was crying out for him to fuck into the tight heat, but he waited for Shinji approval.

Shinji whimpered as the burn and pleasure all blurred together creating a strange but wonderful sensation. His hips started to rock back and forth to encourage Kaworu to do the same. Kaworu shuddered as Shinji pushed himself on his cock. He took that as an invitation. Nearly pulling himself all the way out, but quickly thrusting back in.

“Fuck Kaworu!” Shinji moaned rocking his hips in sync with Kaworu. Pleasure bubbled in both of them as they were conjoined. Shinji gasped as Kaworu hit a certain spot that had him seeing stars. He pulled Kaworu closer to him in hopes of hitting that spot again. Heat seared through his stomach, pressure built up with each thrust. Shinji leaned up and bit down hard on Kaworu’s jugular, nails dragging harder into his skin, enough to draw blood.

“S-Shinji!” Kaworu shakily gasped. He gripped the sheets above Shinji’s head before his hands roamed downward, wrapping his hands onto Shinji’s torso. In one swift movement Kaworu leaned back, bringing Shinji up on his lap.

“Ah! F- fuck!” Shinji gasped at the new position that hit at just the right angle. His back arched as the pressure churned in his stomach, fueling his every movement. Shinji’s cock strained against his belly, the pressure ready to erupt at any moment.

“S-Shinji oh- god.” Kaworu groaned, his hips thrusting into Shinji rapidly. His legs burned from all the strain but he could care less when they were so close. Grunting, he adjusted his grip and pulled Shinji closer, plunging deeper as he felt himself reaching release.

“Shinji, I-I'm going to soon-” Kaworu panted between the jerk of his hips.

“Me too! Please… don’t stop!” Shinji gritted through his teeth. He reached out, steadying himself with Kaworu’s shoulders as his body ground down desperately meeting every upstroke eagerly. His hips bucked against the length stuffed deep inside him, pushing himself closer. His cock twitched hot and heavy.

Kaworu couldn’t muffle his breathless moans as his thrusts became more and more frantic, trying to push them over the edge together. His stomach muscles tightened, cock throbbing in time with his heartbeat. Kaworu bit back a groan as Shinji’s inner walls clenched viciously against his cock, taking more in as he fucked into Shinji before it erupted.

“S-shinji!” Kaworu gasped, head snapping back in rapture. He held onto Shinji with a bruising grip, using him like an anchor as he came hard and deep. Kaworu shuddered violently gushing hot spurts of release through their locked embrace. His hips diligently rocked into Shinji, as he felt his inner walls clamping down, milking his emptying cock.

“Kaw- oru!” Shinji cried out the heat mixed with the pent-up pain of holding in the pressure started to break free. His nails dragged across Kaworu’s front, legs wrapped around him tighter at the feeling of being filled to the brim sent him over. Holding onto Kaworu, Shinji nearly sobbed as his cock quivered, spurting almost painfully as thick stream of white between their bodies. Soon release was left coated and cooling on Kaworu and Shinji’s stomachs.

Both road each other’s orgasms, holding one another as they continued to languidly rock together. Kaworu muttered a cursed as another rush of release poured out in their locked embrace as the aftershocks of pleasure lingered. Time seemed to slow trying to calm their breathing, the fire finally dimming down from their bodies.

Kaworu’s face contorted in discomfort, pulling out of Shinji and causing him to let out a soft mewl as excess release pooled from him. Shinji scooted down him and flopped on the bed with a grunt. Kaworu grimaced; both were sticky and in desperate need of a shower, but he was so spent. Following Shinji’s lead he fell onto the bed with a soft thud. The entire excursion finally caught up with them.

_What have you done?_

“I-I feel better.” Shinji slurred into Kaworu’s chest through all the haze. All Kaworu could do was chuckle drunkenly before nestling his face on the top of Shinji’s hair. But he couldn’t help a nagging in the far reaches in his mind. Something important had happened but sleep was quickly holding him under. Instinctively, Kaworu wrapped his arms around Shinji’s naked form and brought him close to his person. He sighed as he drew in Shinji natural body heat like a moth drawn to a flame. Sleep was coming too fast to care.

They could worry about it in the morning or something?

* * *

 

Kaworu jerked awake but quickly grimaced as the morning sun bored down on him. A cold sweat clung to his clothes clinging to him. His body was too warm and his heart was beating like a jackhammer. Shakily he sat up hunching over himself, and groaned into his hands as he massaged his temple.

So…that’s how everything happened then. And oh, boy and did a lot happen. Kaworu couldn’t help the deep blush heating up his face.

"Kaworu?"

"Shinji?" Kaworu nearly gave himself whiplash turning toward at Shinji. He tilted his head quizzically at him. Was this the present or was it a dream…umm memory.

"What happened to you?" Shinji asked, still guarded.

"I think I remember how all of this started. What we did-"

Both jumped as the screens flashed and beeped urgently alerting them of an incoming target blipping on the radar.

"Incoming Evangelion? Where?" Shinji peered through the screen just as a bright red blast came whizzing by the Eva's head answering his question. The Eva moved just in time to see a massive red blur speeding towards them before it jumped and went airborne.

A giant metal spear in hand. The RS Hoppers glided across the air, spreading the AT Field in time for Unit-02 to bounce off it. Eva-13 side stepped, cautiously waiting for Unit-02 to spring back.

"Asuka?" Shinji voiced echo on the intercom. Relief and terror washed over him. A familiar face that he could-

"GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING EVA YOU STUPID BRAT!" She barked, charging for Eva-13 but clashed with two jellyfish-like drones. The Fields pulsated in synch as they knocked her back.

"Asuka?! Wait stop! You don't understand!" Shinji cried.

The red Eva charged again, angling the spear toward the torso Eva but hit the same resistance. "Asuka please stop! It's all a big misunderstanding!" Shinji begged.

"Misunderstanding my ass!" She retorted, trying to slash across Unit-13 chest plate before the RS Drones dove in front seizing the spear. “What are these stupid things?!”

Shinji growled pulling at his hair. He turned pleadingly toward Kaworu. "Kaworu give me the controls I need to reason with her!" Shinji begged leaning on the barrier Kaworu was purposefully of not meeting his gaze. Kaworu looked between the opposing Eva and Shinji.

"I don't think it's even possible to reason with her." Kaworu countered almost jokingly.

"Kaworu please!" Shinji gave him that look- wide blue eyes pleading from the depths of his soul and Kaworu knew he was done for. Kaworu looked torn, he was not even on thin ice with Shinji, he was fucking drowning. Asuka was charging at them again and they danced away. There was no way they were going to get through to her. Not with that temper. But if Shinji wanted to try...

With a heavy sigh, he finally gave in. “Alright," Kaworu murmured, returning the control systems back to Shinji. Shinji nodded in acknowledgment before his attention was snatched away.

"Asuka-" He caught her punch aimed right at his figurative face. "Asuka! Calm down!" Shinji pleaded. His hold on Unit-02 fist’s wavered, her determination to make contact was stronger than he anticipated. He grabbed hold of the other hand and spreading both of their arms wide and far from punching.

"Lie down and take your punishment like a man!" She screamed back. Unit-02 launched a kick at Unit-13 but the Eva pulled away, jumping a great distance from themselves from her.

"Asuka! I'm not trying to start the Fourth Impact!" Shinji tried to reason with her. The red unit stalked closer, stance predatory.

"A.T. Field Maximum Power!" Asuka cried, summoning the luminescent field.

Wait- stop!" Cried Kaworu. But it was too late. The Field shot forward, bypassing the RSS Hoppers and violently colliding with the Eva like a tidal wave as it forced them flat on their back. And that split second was all that it took to trigger it.

"Nngg!" Shinji cried, clutching his middle as he felt like someone was twisting his insides with a heated knife.

"Shinji?! What wrong?" Panic radiated off Kaworu's voice. His hands were on the barrier trying to phase through and be at Shinji's side. He could sense the instability of the Field as it chaotically stirred within Shinji.

"S-somethings wrong." He said through grit teeth as he crumpled in on himself. The same presence overcame his senses, leaving him numb. Shinji shuddered as power coursed through him with the underlying need to protect. Kill if necessary. With a jolt Shinji's head snapped up, a red glow emanating from his eyes.

"Shinji..." Kaworu called out desperately, but he was too far gone. Glowing red eyes stared blankly ahead as he began was taken over by it.

The Eva pivoted forward, wrapping its arm wrapped around Unit-02 shoulder pylon. The other hand reeled back forming the hand into a fist. Shinji held out his hand, reaching for Unit-02. The Eva mimicked his movements. His Field whirled around him before it was launched at her. The RS Hoppers shrieked at the influx of power coursing through and projecting through a burst of light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter redo...


	11. The Welcoming Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting of the Chosen Children everyone's been waiting for...or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally edited it. yay~ ((Omg I am so sorry this is so late, I got super lazy, but thanks for your support!!! I have like 20+ chapters outlines so yeah. Also something I never mention is that I imagine the Eva pilots aged up like 17-18 yrs and do not look permeant 14 and 15 yrs))

"What the hell!" Asuka yelled. An A.T. Field exploded from Unit-13, ramming into Unit-02. It was sent propelling across the red sand.

"Arghhhhhhh!" Asuka screamed as the Field tried to tear through her. Her left eye burned blue as if it was splitting open. The Eva came to a stop and hung limp. Asuka groaned trying to get her bearings again. Gingerly she felt her eye for the dull throb of pain.

"W-what the hell was that...an Anti-A.T. Field?" Asuka muttered. She focused her good eye at the display screen. Something wasn’t right with that Eva. No…it was something else. Asuka muttered to herself. Her glare deepened, staring at the obnoxious Eva with the stupid pilot.

"You brat."

A sound only screen popped up on her screen.

“Come in Princess. This is you’re ever faithful backup here to rescue you.”

"Where the hell have you've been?!" Asuka barked at her fellow pilot, late as per fucking norm.

"Well you're the one who jumped ship before we could even say: "Hey there she goes." Mari mocked happily.

"Whatever, I need cover fire now. That brat is going down." Unit-02 leapt to its feet. Ready to kick some ass. But the pink Unit lazily hovered behind, arms crossed across its chest-plate.

"The orders were to take him alive, right?” Mari asked like she missed something in briefing. She did tend to goof off during meetings, but killing the Third Child seemed like a dumb idea.

Unit-02 rolled its shoulders in preparation while she huffed out a response. "So?! Not in one piece!" Mari paused, raising a hand to her chin thoughtfully. After a few moments, she shrugged her shoulders in agreement. "Well you got me there."

"Plus there's something wrong with that Eva. I don't like it." Asuka glared at the purple Unit with disdain. Feelings from fourteen years ago were threatening to surface but she bit them back for later. That brat was going to get the beat-down of the century once she got her hands on him.

"Ooo, are your Angel senses tingling?" The Pink Unit cocked its head innocently. Asuka ignored her silliness.

"No and yes. I don't know what it was but it can't be good."

"Well his collar didn't explode, did it?" she tastelessly joked.

"No, but I'm gonna make him wish it did!" Grabbing the forgotten spear Unit-02 jumped into a battle stance. "I'm coming for you brat."

* * *

 

 

"I'm gonna pass out-" Shinji moaned. His body slouched across the pilot seat as he hugged himself. His whole body was aching and tired. It took all his strength to fight off the lull of sleep.

"Shinji stay with me okay? I need you to stay awake." Kaworu hands were pressed against the barrier separating them. “It's going to be alright Shinji." Kaworu lied.

"Stop saying that, it's not alright!" Shinji snapped before settling back in his seat.

Kaworu was taken back. He seemed to have touched a rather sensitive nerve. "I-I’m sorry you're suffering it really is my fault."

"What do you me-" Shinji stopped. A perplexed expression crossing his face. His slouched form became ridged, like a rabbit cornered by a predator.

"Shinji?" Kaworu asked in alarm.

Shinji’s head quickly spun to the onlooking monitor, ignoring him to opt looking out of the side.

"She's coming..." He said distantly.

"Who are-" Kaworu scowled when he then felt her presence just seconds after Shinji. Rei was gaining unnaturally fast.

"I guess we have another guest in this reunion." Kaworu sighed. "Why did she wait until now though..."

"I don't really care anymore." Shinji scoffed lightly as he sunk further into the seat. Kaworu assessed their situation and asked the unthinkable.

"Shinji what do you want to do?"

"What?" Shinji mumbled. No one had asked for his opinion before. He searched Kaworu’s face for any indication that he was lying or that he was making a cruel joke. But he saw none, just certainty and total trust.

"Should we run away or should we try to make peace?" Kaworu asked sternly eyes locked with Shinji- ignoring everything else. Shinji was stumped. Did he mean their current situation or was it an innuendo of them not discussing the Angel thing, or the trust thing or carrying your spawn thing? Either way he knew what he had to do.

"I want to run...but I know that's not the right choice." Shinji sighed. It was against everything in his nature but it wasn’t the time. "What do you think we should do?"

"I think WILLE would provide better shelter than whatever we find out there." Kaworu shrugged.

"And maybe they can help with this?" Shinji gestured toward his middle hesitantly.

"It's a possibility." Kaworu said with a tight smile.

Shinji side glanced the speeding Eva Unit at them. “We should wait it out and try to fix this mess first.” He sighed.

“Anything you want.” Kaworu murmured, falling into a defensive stance. The Hopper Drones swirled around them before activating the A.T. Field as it clashed with Unit-02, Unit-08 not far behind. “She’s here.”

“Shit!” Asuka jumped as the Mark. 09 propelled from the sky landing on a nearby building. Good thing it was already crushed. Red sand blossomed from the ground from the sheer force of the Eva. Mark .09 stood ominously between the WILLE Units and Eva-13.

"What is she doing?" Asuka barked. Her senses were screaming that something was wrong with this whole situation. She still wasn't sure what happen with the brat a while back too.

"I dunno but it's kinda intimidating." Mari crossed her arms, cocking her head to the side. Her Eva mocked her movements, as she continued emoting. It's like one of those Mexican stand-offs." She declared.

"Yeah, whatever. The next person to move is gonna get it." Her eyes roaming over the familiar purple Eva.

Shinji felt uncomfortable; his nerves were hyper-aware that her presence infringed on his own. Like two magnets attracting to one another. He was drawn to her. Subconsciously he wrapped an arm over his abdomen. The pain in his stomach had settled, but the dull ache was still there. If he didn't know any better, he was almost positive that it was happy she was here.

"Kaworu..." Shinji turned to a somber looking Kaworu with unease. "Does she still-"

"Want you?" He answered before Shinji could finish. Kaworu faced Shinji head and sighed. "I knew your father wouldn't give up so easily." There was no easy way that they were going to get out of this brawl. Hopefully the WILLE pilots would be of some assistance.

Unit-02 moved, spear pointed at Mark. 09.

"This standoff has gone on long enough! What do you want?!"

The white and yellow Eva said nothing, just standing there. Infuriating her more.

"That's it!" Unit-02 bolted forward with intent to maim but Mark. 09 danced out of the way of the incoming spear aimed at its torso. Mark. 09 ignored the pink and red Eva’s, instead running full speed at the purple Unit. Raising the scythe; it swung at Unit-13 legs, hooking it underneath and successfully knocking the Unit-13 on its back.

"What the hell!" Shinji screamed as they were flipped into onto its front and pinned them. When he looked back up he saw the headless Eva looming over them. A white hand latched onto Unit-13 arms, pinning them together.

"Get off!" A punched missed, forgetting that it had no head.

"Kaworu!" Shinji panicked, they couldn't shake her off. The RS Hopper drones were too far behind to be useful.

"Hold on Shinji." Kaworu pleaded. This was going to be a bumpy ride.

"KAWORU!" Shinji's hand reflexively grasped the wall as if trying to link hands. Everything turned into a blur as he was ejected out of the Eva. Mark. 09 made quick work of Kaworu’s plug, ejecting him from Unit-13. It slumped in deactivation.

Kaworu braced himself as he was shot out of the Eva. The plug skittered across the sky before it crashed landed in the sand. Kaworu cursed, getting to his feet and making a leap for the escape hatch. His whole body was jittery from the landing but he had rougher landers than this. Getting to Shinji was his only priority. But the hatch was ripped open before he could get to it.

“Well, hello hello there. Don’t you look like a Prince.”

* * *

 

 

Shinji held onto the compartment for dear life as he felt the plug jettison through the sky. He could do nothing it tumbled to the ground with a crash. Thank god so shock absorbers. With a deafening hiss the plug released the LCL and oxygen filled Shinji's lungs. He was left in a dark compartment.

"I have to get out." He made a move to the latch but the whole thing jerked suddenly. "Whoa!" The Red Unit loomed down over Shinji.

“Get in!” Asuka barked.

“Uhh..” Shinji looked at the distance between where he was and then back at the Eva. How was he going to make that? He really was going to die.

“Just goddamn!” Asuka twisted the Eva and threw Shinji into the plug.

He screamed as he became airborne before splashing into the plug. LCL flooded into his mouth chocking. Gasping he turned as took in his surroundings and saw the back of Asuka’s bright red hair flowing in the LCL. They had done this before but under different circumstances. The fleeing memory was halted when Asuka started barking orders at Mari.

The pink Eva watched as Unit-02 threw Shinji into its plug.

“Oh Princess let Pups in, guess I should do the same.” Mari piped, angling the Eva’s hand next to the entry plug and opened that hand. “Don’t fall.” She added in in melodiously.

Kaworu said nothing as he dove into the plug with ease.

* * *

“What the hell is she playing at?” Asuka muttered her muscles were tensed, ready for a fight. She gripped in the control with restrained might.

“She’s just standing there.” Shinji added on quietly, more to himself.

“I know that! Why do you think I asked then?!” She bit back irritated. Shinji held up his hands defensively.

“Sorry?” He said with uncertainty. He didn’t know if sass would put her in an even fouler mood. Probably didn’t want to chance it.

Asuka snapped her attention lack at the screen just as Mari popped up on her side screen…with a bewildered Fifth Child sitting behind her. What the fuck.

“Why the hell did you let him in the entry plug?! He’s the enemy!” Asuka fumed.

“What was I supposed to leave him in my hand? Talk about cramped. Oh, hi Pups, how are you doing? Is she being a proper Princess for you?” she added in with a wink. Kaworu peered through the screen and visibly brighten once he saw Shinji.

“Shinji are you alright?” He asked concerned laced through his voice.

“Um, for the most part.”

“All of you shut up!” Asuka roared. Her fist collided with the control panel; leaving a small dent. Shinji sunk behind her, Kaworu gave an unimpressed look and Mari feigned innocence. “I think the best course of action of the retreat. But we don’t know she has up her sleeve.” Asuka ranted off handily, her mind calculating through all the possibilities. “On my mark we-”

“Hold up, I’m getting a call.” Mari interrupted casually. Looking at her other screen, Kaworu followed her line of vision with a cold disdain.

A beeping noise and screen flickered across the video feed from Mari. It was requesting an open call.

“Is it a trap?” Shinji whispered cautiously.

“I don’t know,” Asuka murmured. No warning bells were going off and her sixth sense wasn’t going off. Then again she had her fair share of Eva infecting viruses. Her eye twitched unconsciously. “Don’t answer that you-”

The incoming screen was unfortunately replaced with the visage of the Doll; the same empty atmosphere surrounding her. Before anyone got a word in she spoke in a soft voice.

“I surrender.”

Asuka and Shinji both exchanged a look of disbelief. Even Mari and Kaworu looked shocked.

“Bullshit. Then why did you kick those two out of that Eva?” Asuka said matching Rei’s tone mockingly. Shinji opted to glare at her through the screen and increasingly got annoyed that it had no effect on her.

“I needed to get them out, because the Eva is unsafe.” She answered.

“Well that was nice. Why the sudden change of heart?” Mari quipped, her tone curious. Asuka turned to silence her with a glare at her.

“I want to know…about myself.” She murmured, the briefest inkling of emotion passed over her face. She dropped the scythe on the ground. Kaworu’s eyes shifted from her and then to Shinji before his eyes narrowed on her. She was up to something and someone else was pulling the strings.

Shinji felt his heart clench. Was she speaking the truth or was it all a trick. Was the Rei he knew surfacing or was it all a trick to lead them on? Either way he felt tears prick in his eyes. Damn hormones.

"You can't be fucking serious. The Doll is having identity issues."

"Oh can we keep her?" Mari chimed.

“I-Is she being serious?” Shinji mumbled into Asuka’s ear. She flinched at the close contact but quickly recovered her cool.

“I don’t know and don’t care,” she growled back. Her muscles tighten in repose to the emanate fight. “Listen here doll, were not falling for your little tricks, so get out of our way!”

“If you really mean it, let us destroy your Eva.” Mari said, crossing her arms and cocking her head to the side. Shinji and Kaworu both flinched at her words and exchanged looks.

“Four-Eyes!”

“The exchange for amnesty is the destruction of your Eva and that imposing Eva over there.” Mari jerked her finger in the direction of Eva 13.

“Alright.” Rei murmured without a fuss.

“B-but wait we need that Eva!” Shinji stammered, looking at Kaworu to back him up.

“Oh no you don’t! You piloting is the last thing the world needs.” She snarled at him. “Four-Eyes don’t make promised we don’t intend to keep! She is not coming with us!”

“No we were going to rebuild the world and restore it with that Eva.” Kaworu cut in.

“”What? That’s insane!”

“Wait I want to hear them out.” She turned to face Kaworu. “How do you guys plan to rebuild the world?”

Kaworu looked down at Mari and then shifted his glance at Rei. He wasn’t about to spill their plan in front of her of all people.

“I don’t wish to discuss it with her presence here.” He chided.

“Interesting. But you need that Eva to do it?” Mari cooed pointing at the Eva again. “Is this true Pups?”

Shinji bristled at his nickname but nodded his head vigorously nonetheless.

“Well I think that settles it! We destroy her Eva and Keep theirs.” Mari proclaimed joyously. “And truth be told that headless Eva gives me the willies. No offense.

“…”

A sudden click and Rei audio feed was cut, she looked confused at the first but slowly adjusted to the forced silence.

“Now that she can’t hear us, how about we go over your dumbass plan!? You can’t call the shots like that!” Asuka spat. Mari let out an amused huff.

“Okay what do you want us to do then? If you have a plan I’m all ears.” Mari said, stretching her arms over her head waiting for Asuka’s brilliant plan. Kaworu floated beside her awaiting her answer as well.

Asuka faltered for a moment, struck at the jab at her intelligence before she regained her composure.

“One, we don’t need the wonder albinos with us. Two, having the brat with us is trouble enough, Three, we have no idea what they’ve been doing all these weeks.

Shinji felt out of the loop. They were talking about them like they weren’t there. Anger boiled under his skin, urging him to speak his mind. But he bit his tongue. She was right, they weren’t just going to trust them because they said so.

“That why we should bring them in, to question them and gets some info. Isn’t everyone tired of being in the dark, right Pups?”

Shinji’s gaze turned to Kaworu and quickly turned to his hands, missing the concerned look in his face. He was so tired of being left in the dark and forced to be adjust to it. He wanted to be in the light for once, no matter what the cost.

“Yes.” Shinji said truthfully, the weight of his word finally lifting off his chest. Asuka scoffed at him but didn’t say a word, silently fuming.

“Then it’s settled. We take them all in and destroyed the Eva. Talk some stuff out and then take down NERV.” Mari said casually like listing off items on a grocery list.

“…Just so you know if anything wrong it’s all on you Four-Eyes.” Asuka said fairly calm. An underlying tone not lost on Kaworu and Shinji.

“I know Princess.” She smiled and gave her the thumbs up before connecting the audio with Rei. “Sorry about that, but I need you to hop right on out if that Eva. We have a lot to discuss.”

“Alright.” She said compiling to Mari’s demands.

“It’s about time that we hailed for a ride.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm crying...just one more chapter


	12. Prison Sweet Prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a nice talk abord the Wunder, that totally don't have diasterous consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I promised I'd get this done in March, but in my defense my friend pulled me into a new ship and I fell hard. But I was also struck with insperation so yay.

Shinji gazed focused in on the main screen as the monstrosity of the Wunder steadily approached them, sailing in the sky ominously. His stomach clenched painfully with every step the Eva drew closer and closer to what? His new home? Prison? He highly doubted that they would take him back with open arms after his last stunt with not Rei. Hell, they barely wanted him when they had him anyway. He groaned as he felt a headache starting to form, rubbing his temples in vain to ward it off.

“What’s the matter, thinking too hard?” Asuka offered with the quirk of her brow. Shinji bit his tongue but allowed himself to glare at her. It took all of his willpower from snapping back at her. There was no telling if his anger would get the better of him. The memory of Kaworu being thrown back by his A.T. Field was still fresh in his mind and made his stomach sink.

Better not try it with Asuka.

His glare melted into a scrutinizing scowl as he gave Asuka a once over. There was something unnatural about her and it rubbed him the wrong way ever since he met her. _It_ must have notice too and made itself sparse. It didn’t enjoy being in such close quarters with her as much as Shinji did. Whatever the reason was, he was grateful that the mishaps with his body were limited to a minimum at the moment.

“No, I’m just tired.” He confessed truthfully, laying his head back on the metallic seat uncomfortably. This thing was more draining than he thought.

“Well don’t get too comfy, you’re still in serious trouble when we get back. And you can bet your little stupid ass the captain will have a word with you.” She barked.

“I know, I know.” Shinji whined in a submissive tone. It was always better to let her have her way. Less injuries and headaches. Shifting uncomfortable in his seat he sighed. “How long until they pick us up?” He could her heard loud frustrated groan as she started to explain herself again.

“Not that long. We have to meet them halfway, it helps with surveying the area and covering more ground. But if Four Eyes didn’t insist on having doll face join her entry plug we would have been there sooner.” Asuka ranted irritation heavy in her voice. “I’m still uneasy we left your dumb Eva behind…”

Shinji glowered at the back of her head. It wasn’t his fault he wasn’t allowed to pilot let alone be left alone with Kaworu in an unknown Eva. Besides said Eva was currently being carried by Unit-08. “To top it all off, I’m almost out of power anyway.” Asuka muttered under her breath. She needed to change out the battery packs before they docked.

Silence echoed in the plug, save for the mechanical hum of the machines clicking and beeping. He offhandedly wondered if Kaworu was having a better time with his plugmates.

“Can I…can I ask how Misato-”

“Captain Katsuragi.” Asuka added in forcefully.

“…Captain Katsuragi became a captain? I mean how did everyone…change?” Shinji asked his tone careful and wary.

Asuka wild hair whipped around as she turned her full attention on Shinji. Her gaze was full of raw emotions that he couldn’t place as her cold blue eye bored right into his. The gaze was so intense Shinji wanted to slink away from her, but he held his ground. He was pretty sure he saw a dull blue glow settle behind her eye patch. “A lot happens when the world almost ends.” Asuka muttered, with restrained animosity. She bristled and whipped her head back to the front with a scoff.

“People change.”

Shinji retreated back further into the seat, a cloud of gloom held high over his head. Well that could have gone better. Both Shinji and Asuka turned their attention to the screen overhead as an incoming call broke through the silence.

“Ahh, Finally!” With a few click from the control panel the screen blinked to life as it transmitted the video feed from the Wunder. The feed fizzled out and then focused is as Misato’s image appeared. She was standing firm and imposing and not at all happy. She was station in a dark room with only a dim light illuminating her person. Shinji involuntarily sank in his seat. The memory of his father wracked through his mind relentlessly.

“What is he doing in an Eva!” She yelled.

“I know, I know, but shit happened and I was forced to take him in.” Asuka huffed, shrugging her shoulders.

“Like what?” she asked, brow arching in suspicion.

“Remember the albinos?” Asuka muttered, head tilting in disgust.

“You don’t mean…they’re with you right now? I thought-”

Her words were cut off with the interruption of second video feed cutting through. The screen suddenly glitch and then sprang to life. In a flash, Mari appeared on screen along with her hitchhikers situated on either side of her.

“Heeeeyyyy Captain! Boy, do I have news for you! Guess who I just picked up?!” Mari sang melodiously.

“Y-you…”

Kaworu shifted his gaze to the new feed and locked eyes with Misato. Her cool posture slipped as fear and shock flashed across her face. The two people she thought would hopefully never see again. He knew she was not going to be happy one bit. Her head turned to look at Rei with a similar expression settled on her face. “Both of you.” She voice low and cutting.

“What the hell Four-Eyes!” Asuka blurted out. Shinji felt the urge to slink away. The fury radiating off her felt so tangible it was suffocating.

“Mari what were you thinking?! Why did you bring them here?!” Misato demanded. Her fists came into view, tightening at her side.

“I thought you said anyone was welcome to join WILLE? Annnnnd they promised not to trigger another impact.” She said with an innocent, yet mocking smile.

“Mari-” Misato warned. She let out a frustrated sigh, her hand rubbing at her temples. “Report back to your stations and put our them in the quarantine. They’ll be interrogated later.” Misato’s eyes shifted directly at Shinji, looking at him with resentment that made him feel howl. His stomach dropped.

"Katsuragi out.”

The screen flickered to black and replaced with the view of the oncoming Wunder. A strange calm filtered through the entry plug.

“Well that could have gone worse.” Mari murmured with a pleased smile. Kaworu sighed besides her. He couldn’t agree more, but decided against voicing it. He turned to see Shinji donning a similar expression. He was about to voice his concerns when he was cut off.

“Hmmp, don’t forget that you’re in trouble too Four-Eyes! Have fun digging your ass out of this one!” She shrieked as her fist connected with the end call button. Her neck creaked as she turned to face a startled Shinji at her sudden movements. “And don’t think of doing anything funny while we’re on board! You’re in deep shit already!”

“G-got it!”

“Good, because they're here.” She harrumphed, nodding toward the Wunder. Shinji gazed in awe as the ship hovered over them like a UFO. Giant metal cables slithered down by the Eva’s. Asuka huffed as she grabbed at one of the cords and hooked it up. Unit. 02 grabbed on a second cable as soon as Eva.13 was lifted into the haul of the Wunder. They slowly ascended into his new prison. His breath hitched as he felt his stomach cramp again. His arms wrapped around his middle reflexively. Was it finally starting to wake up? He bit his lip, trying not to cry out.

“Getting cold feet?” Asuka muttered, side glancing him halfheartedly. Shinji shook his head as the pain ebbed away and got his bearings again.

“Never felt better.” Shinji scoffed, at her, shifting in his seat. His eyes drifted off toward the pink Eva being hefted up by another cable. He begrudgingly wondered how Kaworu was doing.

* * *

 

 “So this is the Wunder up close?” Kaworu asked, as they were cabled up into the ship. He had only seen it a handful of times in images and video feeds. But this was his first time seeing it in person. He was generally impressed as he scanned over the inner haul of the soon to be docking area.

“Yep. Not as flashy as I want it to be though, apparently trying to repaint it pink is considered vandalism.”

“Ah, I see.” Kaworu drifted. He never knew how to act around her. “Don’t worry about the captain, she’s not as scary as she seems, probably just surprised because she hasn’t seen you since her NERV days.”

“I do remember.” Kaworu murmured. She was never really a fan of him to be honest. She was always suspicious of him from the get go. Not that she was wrong.

“You were SEELE’s protégé right? Like Ayanami is to NERV.” She prodded.

“Yes, though I’d rather not be associated with them.” Kaworu bemused, irritation peeking through his voice.

“Hmm…Well that’s a good start.” She said thoughtfully, with a smirk.

“I’m sorry, a start for what?” Kaworu frowned. He never really understood her quirks…in any time loop. He was pondering her previous remark for a hint at what she was aiming for before she suddenly sprang. Mari swerved around in her seat, clamping onto Kaworu’s unsuspecting shoulders in a surprising like iron grip. Kaworu steeled himself, dowsing the reflexive urge to defend his person. He didn’t feel any murderous intent in her part so he relaxed his shoulders. She leaned in closer, a smile growing on her face.

“For the start of building everyone’s trust! Disowning both SEELE and NERV is the first real step to recovery.” Mari preached.

“Plus you wanna fix the world instead of blowing it up.”

“Yes.” Kaworu answered truthfully.

“Well with that attitude how could we not trust you? You’ll be WILLE martial in no time.” She grinned nodding her head in approval of her pep talk. In a split second her gaze shifted to her next target. “Say, speaking of new life choices, what’s on your agenda First Child?” Mari cocked her head at Rei, waiting expectantly for an answer. Kaworu put on his best acting and pretended to look at her with mild interest.

“…I want to know what I am. Who was the original me?” Rei murmured.

Kaworu’s quirked a brow at her little confession. What prompted this? She was just as guilty in this whole mess and Gendo was the ring leader. There was no way she was trustworthy.

“Well that’s all fine and dandy. You can find your place at WILLE too." Mari hyped extending her arms in jubilation as they reached to docking bay. "Cause we’re home sweet home.”

* * *

 

 Shinji fidgeted in his seat as they docked. Anxiety radiating from his entire body, even Asuka could feel it rubbing it off on her and it was getting on her last nerve.

“Stop fidgeting!” She growled as she slammed her hand on his twitching knee earning a surprised yelp from him.

“Ow!” Shinji winced as he tried to pry her crushing grip off his poor knee.

“Oh, don’t be a baby.” Asuka scoffed releasing her grip and turned her attention back on the monitor. Shinji stiffened like he’d been caught red handed. It was impossible that she knew but out of all the names she had to call him… It had to be that one.

“Don’t call me that!” Shinji snapped in an irritated tone. Everything about this situation was driving him up a wall.

“I’ll call you whatever I damn well please you little brat!” She snarled back at him. Her hands tightened on the controls with a restrained yet impressive grip.

“Uh, why are you such a-” Shinji muttered before Asuka cut him off.

“Such a what?!” She snapped her head back so fast Shinji thought it would break. “I dare you to finish that sentence!” Asuka challenged. Her face darkened with the promise of an ass whooping of the century upon him if he dared to answer her.

“No it’s just-ugh!” Shinji paused, his face felt hot like he wanted to cry and disappear from the world. “Everyone one is acting so fucking high and mighty around me! I didn’t ask for this!” He croaked, throwing up his arms in frustration. Asuka stared at him from a long moment, silently analyzing him with a scowl. Her arms slacked before returning to its monster vice like hold.

“Well those are the facts. If you can’t get with the program that you might as well have stayed dead. Along with your boyfriend.” She muttered. Turning her gaze in front of her, ending the conversation. Shinji’s head fell at the weight of her words. He didn’t want to agree with her, but something in the deep within him knew she was right. A solemn silence entered the plug.

Wait a minute did she say boyfriend?

“H-he’s not my boyfriend!” Shinji shot up reflexively. A small blush was worked it’s on all the way to his ears. “He’s just…he’s I don’t know-” What was he to him anymore? The creator of whatever was growing in him? He spent all this time lying and deceiving him. Did he really deserve to be trusted again? Trusting anyone just caused pain.

“Oh sorry, I forgot that you have no people skills. But hey you’re both perfect for each other. He’s a freak and you’re a-” she gestured to all of him with a disgusted grimace. “Well you’re you.” Shinji stuttered. Anger and embarrassment burned on his cheeks. She was fucking asking for it. The words left his mouth before he even could comprehend them.

“W-We’ll you’re the one who jumps at anyone because you’re desperate for attention!”

“Wha-Excuse me!” She shrieked.

“You’re the one who was always up on me! Barging into my room and sleeping with me! You practically forced me too.”

“You know what!” She snapped red in the face. Suddenly it felt like ages ago. The world was never thrown in turmoil and everything was back how it was supposed to be with them bickering like an old married couple. They both looked at each before they broke away, glaring at either side of the cockpit.

“Asuka come in." A fairly young and female voice suddenly cut in. A new panel appeared on the screen reading 'Sound Only’.

"I’m here. Are we ready to dock?” Asuka tone suddenly changed to serious.

“Yes. Initiating docking process, hang tight.” The voice answered cheerfully. “Kay, which button does the thingy again...”

* * *

 

 Kaworu wondered if it was really necessary to have six guards to escort them to the brig. Three men for him, and three for the First. It’s not like they would do any damage to him if they tried, but the effort was cute. He glanced at all the guards and sighed. All he wanted was to find Shinji. He could feel him close but could leave the escort without causing a bit of trouble. It was maddening.

Mari chatted about nonsensical things while they continued on the walk on. Kaworu was half heartedly listening to her ramblings until they heard heated bickering from around the corner.

“Will you hurry your ass up!”

“I would if you let go of me!”

“Yeah and you would just slow us down!”

Relief flooded over Kaworu as he saw Shinji in one piece. He ignored the guards trailing behind them and in front of him. He looked closer and noticed the its presence was relatively under control. But Shinji’s safety was only now threatened by the redhead clutching at his arm. A frown appeared on his face analyzing the grip. He didn’t like it.

“Hey Princess! Having a fun time with Pups?” Mari chuckled.

“You!” Asuka accused.

Shinji’s head shot up and stared at Kaworu before abruptly turning his gaze to scowl at the ground.

Ah, he was still mad.

Kaworu felt his heart sink a little.

“Are you happy with yourself?” Asuka gestured to Shinji and the two on either side of Mari.

“Why yes, I’m gonna turn them around to be outstanding citizens.” She bragged.

“How can you be positive they won’t do anything? She said skeptically. Her eyes narrowed and half expecting them to lunge and attack.

"Geez, I had them like pinky swear.” Mari scoffed. “We mean you know harm.” Kaworu tried to soothe Asuka’s worries but only made her more agitated.

“Hmp, says the enigmatic child? What have you been doing all these years?”

“I was waiting for Shinji of course.” He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Shinji felt his face heat up in embarrassment. Her scowl deepened.

“Ugh gross. All of you make me sick.” Asuka muttered, gripping Shinji’s forearm tighter.

“Ow!” Shinji squeaked as he tried to wiggle his abused arm away from Asuka’s vice grip.

Kaworu’s protective instincts flared as his non-threatening aura suddenly turned frigid, that even Asuka noticed the change in mood. Kaworu tried to advance to them but Mari’s hold was stronger. His red eyes narrowed at Mari and she quirked a brow a him.

“Hey Pups! How are you doing it’s been weeks since your last visit.” She chimed walking closer but stopped.

“Hmmm.”

“Yes?” Shinji asked self-conscious.

She leaned in close, face nearly inches form his and hovered there before she sniffed at his shoulder. “What are you doing?!”

“You smell…different.”

“Excuse me?” Shinji’s spoke, mildly offended. What was her problem? She leaned forward and Shinji took a step back instinctually.

Something about her accusation triggered something in him. Panic swelled in his chest. He needed to get away.

“I can’t just place it but it’s different.” Mari trailed off trying to find the right word. Shinji’s heart leapt into his throat. Kaworu never mention anything about his scent changing. Shinji threw him a desperate look. Kaworu met his gaze with a grimace. Mari was a mystery.

“Hmmp it’s probably because you’ve been outside and the LCL bath.” She threw in casually, waving her hand in dismissal. She approached Shinji, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “I guess boys tend to stink it’s just a fact.” Mari sighed, patting his head in sympathy.

All heads turned to the sound heavy footsteps charging in their direction.

"Oh hey, its the guard squad." Mari piped up as the guards revealed themselves as several heavily armed soldiers came into view, more weapons drawn at them.

“Prisoners step forward.” One of the soldiers commanded gruffly.

Shinji’s and Kaworu’s eyes meet, unsure what to do. Asuka’s grip loosened as she pushed Shinji forward with a disgusted look on her face. Kaworu’s arm reached out and caught Shinji before he stumbled and fell. He gave a quick pointed glare directed at Asuka before he helped Shinji steady himself.

“Are you alright Shinji?”

“Y-yes fine.” Shinji murmured. He automatically pushed off when he saw Mari’s approving smirk. He self-consciously inched away from Kaworu.

Kaworu tried not to look hurt.

“Ikari-kun!” A bell like voice called out among the guards. Sakura squeezed through running at Shinji happily.

“Oh, Sakura-san.” In an afterthought he remembered the last circumstance of seeing her.“You’re alright.”

“Huh, oh yes! I’m totally fine, too bad I couldn’t say so for the ship.” Her eyes drifted toward Kaworu and Rei subtly.

“I’m so sorry.” Shinji murmured sheepishly, looking down at his feet.

“I’m just glad you didn’t pilot an Eva.” She sighed relived.

“Why are you here?” Asuka asked, with a hint of irritation.

“I’m here to retrieve Ikari Shinji for your interrogation!” She added in saluting to Asuka accordingly.

“Oh.” Shinji felt his stomach sink at her words.

“Come along then Ikari-kun.” She usher him along with a two guard escorts pointing their guns at him.

“Have fun and remember they don’t bite-much!” Mari called out melodiously. She laughed when Shinji visibly shrunk at her pep talk. Kaworu on the other hand was not so happy.

“Now about the Prince and Dollface…” Mari murmured slinging an arm around Kaworu’s shoulder casually. Kaworu looked down at her expectantly.

“The orders were to take him to quarantine.” A guard answered.

“Well let’s hop to it! I’ll be your personal tour guide for the remainder of your staying pleasure.” Mari chirped happily as she led Kaworu to his new room as she called it.

“You do that I’m have better things to then babysit a bunch of freaks.” Asuka huffed crossing her arms in disgust. “Keep an eye on Four-Eyes and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid!” She barked at the guards before stalking off.

Kaworu and Rei both followed obediently but he couldn’t repress the urge to glance back at Shinji before the departed separate ways.

* * *

 

Shinji didn’t know what to say as he was lead to quarantine again.

“How do you feel?” Sakura asked listing of her various medical questions without a beat.

_Miserable, uncomfortable, achy and cranky._

“I’m been better…” Shinji trailed off. “Why are you asking anyway?” She couldn’t really care that much about him. He was the reason the world was like the way it was.

“I’m still your attending medical officer.” giggled Sakura as she punched in the code to the quarantine doors.

With a click the doors swished open to revel Misato and Ritsuko already in the room. Misato leaned on the glass wall as Ritsuko preferred to sit on a small table in the middle of the room. Shinji signed and walked into a fresh new hell. His body was on auto pilot as he took a seat on the opposite side on Ritsuko. He heard Sakura take her usual spot on the far corner of the room like last time he was hear.

Ritsuko looked up nonchalantly looking rather unimpressed at Shinji. Like it was his eight time in the principal’s office. Misato lingered by the far wall, expression unreadable. “Ikari Shinji, we meet again.” Ritsuko said coolly.

“Yes.” He said a dully. He just wanted to get this over with. Ritsuko peered at Shinji curiously before commenting.

“Hm…How did you get the DSS Choker off?” Ritsuko asked, alarmed.

This seemed to snatch Misato’s attention.

“Wha- oh.” Shinji’s hand shot straight up on his neck. He actually didn’t know how Kaworu managed to get it off, but then again he is an Angel. Better lie. Fast.

“They took it off me…I don’t know what they did.” He said smoothly, he wasn’t exactly lying there was still some truth to his words.

“It seems you’ll need a new one.” Ritsuko sighed scrubbing something down on her notes.

“Oh, okay. “

"So…let’s talk about the elephant in the room. How did-” Ritsuko started off in her usual sarcastic tone before Misato cut her off, slamming her fist onto the table.

“How did you get here? Why did you leave now?” Misato yelled authority in her voice. Ritsuko sighed rubbing her temples.

“The Eva-”

“No. I want the whole story. What were you doing at NERV? Why are both of them here?!” She demanded.

“I-I just I was just there and…” Shinji stopped. What was he supposed to say? Yeah, I got knocked up by an Angel and now I have to deal a thing that supposed to destroy the world? Do you think you can get rid of it for me?

“And?” Ritsuko injected.

“And nothing really happened. My father just told me to pilot the Eva like always.” Shinji bitterly muttered. He couldn’t fake that spite in his voice even if he tried.

A moment of pity flashed on Misato’s features before returning cold.

“That still doesn’t mean anything for us. You expect us to believe you don’t have alternative motives of being here?”

“I don’t know!” Shinji blurted out. His fists struck the table with such force it skidded on the tile. “I just know we needed to get out before something happened!”

“We as in whom?” Ritsuko interjected.

“Kaworu!”

“You mean the Fifth Child? There no way we would trust him?" Misato sneered like she personally offended her by that name.

Anger filled him. Oh, like they were any better at telling him the truth.

"At least he told me the truth! You still haven’t told me why you needed me! You have the Eva! I can’t pilot so why didn’t you just kill me then?”

“I don’t know if I trust you just yet.” Her eyes narrowed at him.

“How can I trust you? You’ve been keeping secrets from me! You wouldn’t even tell me what happened when I first got here!” He accused.

“It was classified-”

“Classified my ass!”

“I can see you two need to have a heart to heart.” Ritsuko said while gathering her things. She headed toward Sakura and gave her a command. “Please let there be a reason to get another one before I come back.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sakura saluted.

“No promises.” Misato muttered without breaking eye contact with Shinji. Both stood in silence, neither backing down. Misato gave him a hard stare but broke away with a frustrating growl.

“What do you want from me?” Shinji hissed.

“I want you to stay out of the way.” Misato’s asked coldly.

“I-” Shinji stopped himself from reveling Kaworu’s plan. Did it even matter anymore?

“You what?”

“Nothing…” Shinji said defeated as he plopped himself down on the chair. His old self was resurfacing and he just wanted to be alone. Shinji just glared at the table before he heard Misato’s frustrated groan.

“Look, you were on a need to know bases. We had no idea if we could trust you, and we have no idea what they did to you at NERV.”

“What? You mean Kaworu?” Shinji asked quietly.

“If he’s been telling you the whole truth then you know he’s with SEELE.” Misato answered skeptically.

Time froze. What did she just say?

“W- what do you mean?” Shinji’s guard cracked, uncertainty gripped at his heart at what she was telling him. Kaworu was with SEELE, the people who his mother worked for…the people who wanted him to destroy the world.

“He is league with your father, you cannot trust him.”

“He- he would have said-“ He tried to argue fruitlessly.

“We thought he was as a replacement, but he’s the same as Rei. He’s not like us and we still have no idea what he’s capable of.” Misato ranted. “You can’t trust him.”

Kaworu was lying to him again? Why wouldn’t he tell him about this? Kaworu was with the people working for his father to have human instrument. It was all a lie then? Too many thoughts clashes inside his mind and he couldn’t take it. He felt his stomach twist into a knot. Nausea came hitting him at full force. This was not going to be pretty.

“I’m gonna throw up.” Shinji whispered, face going pale.

“What?” Misato frowned thinking she imagined him saying. Taken back at what Shinji just said, not really register it. It wasn’t until she saw the panicked look in his eyes that she jumped to her feet.

Shinji clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to keep it in. He felt a sharp jab on his shoulder and Sakura was suddenly standing beside him with a paper bag held out for him.

He snatched right in time before he threw up. It was stifling awkward.

“Are you alright Ikari-kun?” Sakura murmured, patting his back in concern. He shook his head.

He wasn’t alright. His world was crashing around him again. He felt all his strength leave him. Any defense he had managed to scrap together with the help of Kaworu was shattered along with his heart. He felt both of them hovering over him but he didn’t want to open his eyes and face them. He was tired. So tired of all of this.

“I-I’m not okay.” Shinji croaked. Everything snapped and he couldn’t hold back the tidal wave of his wrangling emotions anymore. All the pent up frustration and anger poured out of him and tears flowing down his face freely. He blamed the hormones.

“Ikari-kun?” Sakura murmured. She crouched downing and gently taking the bag and set it aside on the floor. Her soft hands guided him into an awkward hug. Nothing says break down like crying on the shoulder of a girl he barely knew. He should have been mortified but he didn’t fucking care at the moment.

Sakura peered up, giving Misato a pleading look for the integration to be over.

Misato who had gone flabbergasted at the whole display final snapped back to reality. Shaking her head a little she regained her composure.

“Okay- that’s enough for now take him to the med bay.” She declared, unsure of her voice.

“Ikari-kun it’s alright now, can you stand on your own?”

He nodded and tried to stand on wobbly legs but instantly fell back down in his seat. He tried to catch his breath, why was he exhausted all of a sudden?

“I can’t-I can’t make it…” Shinji slurred. He slumped in his seat, body sliding off the edge. His vision blurred and his head felt like there was cotton in his head. “Shinji!” “Ikari-kun!” Sakura yelped, catching him mid fall.

She glanced up at Misato looking for guidance.

“Captain…”

Authority took hold of Misato and she moved into action.

“Report back to Vice Captain Akagi and tell her to get ready to interrogate Nagisa Kaworu.” Misato ordered as she crouched down and lifted Shinji in her arms hurriedly making towards the door.

“I’ll personally take him to the med bay.” Misato couldn’t help shake that bad feeling in her gut that something bigger was at play. She was praying to whatever god that was still out there that it wasn’t going to bite her in the butt like it always did.

* * *

 

Kaworu shifted in his cell, a feeling of unease came over him. Something was wrong and he couldn’t do anything about it. Shinji was still furious with him, his plans were running amuck and he was ‘trapped” in his cell. This was not what he planned to happen when he came back. Nothing at all like he thought would turn out. Solemnly he knew he could only wait and let the Lilin decide what to do with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm going back and rewritting past chapters to make them better cause I'm not happy with most of them :7  
> But I'm not going to upload them yet until I get them done completly. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ


	13. An Intervention of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaworu and Shinji have their long awaited talk about feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back from the land of un-motivation and tears!!?! I finally kicked my ass in gear and pushed forward trudging through writer's block to bring you this (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> I really need a flipping beta, save me from myself.

"So what’s NERV like? I haven't been there in ages." Mari asked sitting casually beside the cell block. Her head tilted up to peak through the bars between her and The Fifth, who was laid flat on his back, arms crossed lazily behind his head.

"The same, if not a little run down." Kaworu said to the ceiling. He was trying to humor her, but he couldn't get rid of the sinking feeling that something was going to happen. Shinji had been taken over an hour ago and still hadn't returned. Unease bubbled under his skin and the only thing keeping him sane was ironically Mari's ramblings.

"I wonder when they'll let Pups go? It's been a while." Mari chattered, voicing Kaworu's inner thoughts.

"It has been too long..." Kaworu murmured, gaze shifting to the side, missing how Mari instantly perked up at his words.

"Ah that's so cute, worrying about your Pups like that." Mari cooed playfully.

"I need to talk to him." He broke in seriously. Mari looked taken back at his boldness but quickly recovered with her trademark smirk.

"Why? Wanna get something off your chest?" She mused, leaning closer to the cell wall. 

"Yes." He answered truthfully. Kaworu wanted to get everything off his chest and finally be free from all the lies and deceit. Maybe Shinji could finally trust him like before and things could fall back into place. Hopefully…

Mari ogled Kaworu with an interested look until her face broke in a smile. "I think I can arrange something like that." She said excitedly as she bounced up, patting away dust in a dramatic manor.

Kaworu sat up, leaning on his elbows with a sudden interest. “How so?”

Mari leaned in close, a hand hovering over her mouth as if to tell him a secret. She flashed him a devilish grin as she whispered. "I can probably con-"

"Four-Eyed Crony!" Both pilots turned curiously to the origin of the angry shout, followed by even angrier footsteps. Asuka was stomping her way toward them spouting out more angry remarks, hand pointed accusingly at Mari. "What are you still doing here?!"

Mari shrugged her shoulders answering with uncertainly. "Entertaining our guest?"

Asuka frowned, gritting her teeth. "He's not a guest, his’ our prisoner!" Asuka seethed, stomping her foot down. 

Mari looked around before pointing a finger at herself. "Well no one told me." She said aghast.

Asuka rolled her eye before composing herself. "I swear you are such a- whatever! Report back to the captain and stop dicking around with him!"

"Oooh jealous?" Mari brightened up, smile shifting to predatory. She moved from the wall, opting to circle around Asuka like a vulture.

"N-no!" Asuka answered too quickly, dancing away from Mari’s advances. 

Kaworu watched the exchange with quiet humor. He thought that they should just confess to one another, then again he had no right to say anything considering his situation. Sighing he was about to say something but the familiar echo of marching boots alerted them of the approaching guards. The pilots turned to see four guards returning…without Shinji.

Kaworu's heart dropped. Where was he? Why wasn’t he with them?

A young guard, barely older than them broke from the squad, stuttering as he spoke. "Y-you're requested by the captain and vice-captain to be interrogated right away."

Kaworu looked at the guard, giving him a once over before accepting his fate. Kaworu smiled as he stood from the red cot. His full attention to the guards pointing firearms at him. “Alright then.”

"Put your hands in front of you." Another guard ordered gruffly. Kaworu obliged, charming smile still in place as they cuffed his wrists. He eyed the cuffs broodily, noting the presence of Angel glyphs. Lilin thought of everything.

"Now don't have too much fun now." Mari sang, arm slung around Asuka’s reluctant shoulders.

"I'll certainty try my hardest." He smirked and Mari shot him a thumbs up. Kaworu looked on as he was led away down the cell block, briefly meeting eyes with the First. She looked at him with the same withdrawn expression behind bars. No words we're exchanged but the mistrust Kaworu felt toward her hanging heavy in the air.

They continued traveling through the Wunder in silence. Kaworu could faintly feel Unit-01’s power flowing through the ship. It was truly marvelous what Lilin could make when forced into a corner. Someone punched in the code and the door opened with a defined swoosh. 

“Enter.” Said the gruff guard, signaling Kaworu to take a seat on the lonely chair by a giant glass wall. He nodded and sat down compliantly, crossing his legs. A guard stood next to him and undid the cuffs before walking out. The Angel found a smile creep upon his lips as he spied the newly repaired hole made by the First months prior. There was a slight draft.

Suddenly the double mirror brightened revealing the scientist Lilin seated across from him, shielded by the reinforced glass. "Nagisa Kaworu." Her voice was steely, as she observed him from the mirror like he was on a petri dish.

"That is I." Kaworu shrugged, a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Dr. Akagi hummed at his answer, turning momentarily at her computer screens. "I would say I'm surprised to see you, but frankly nothing surprises me nowadays. The captain will be here shortly."

"Where's Shinji?" He asked out of courtesy.

"Not here at the moment." The scientist answered still fiddling with her many screens meticulously.

"Ah, that's alright, I'll see him eventually." He said, relaxing in his seat. Kaworu watched complacently as Ritsuko stopped and raised a thin brow at him. The longer Ritsuko stared, the faster her expression turned curious, peering closer at Kaworu through the glass.

"How in the world..." She said distractedly. Kaworu quirked a brow until he realized she was staring at the choker. Oops. "How did you get that?" She demanded sternly.

"This?" Kaworu rose his chained hands, pointing at the collar for emphasis. "It was made for me, right? I thought it was appropriate to take it."

"It shouldn't be able to be removed. At all." Ritsuko sassed back, voice thick with apprehension.

Kaworu shrugged his shoulders. "Well there are ways. We were out of range of using it manually anyway." He pointed out.

That hit a nerve. Ritsuko scowled, her mouth opening to offer a rebuttal but was silenced when the door slid open. Misato stormed in, her face shadowed by her visor. One look in Kaworu's direction and her posture went rigid. A murderous presence premating as she stalked toward the mirror. "What are you and what did you do to Shinji?" Misato demanded.

Kaworu's heart froze and his smile faltered for a moment. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean? Where’s Shinji? Is he alright?” His voice wavered.

The captain's eyes narrowed, debating whether she should say or not. She crossed her arms over her chest, on guard. "In the med bay. I took him there after he passed out. He'll live, but I need to know what your people did to him."

He put on his best acting face, furrowing his brow in confusion. "What do you think I did?" Kaworu replied evenly, holding her gaze. Misato paused eyeing him suspiciously. It seemed like Shinji hadn’t told her anything concrete to accuse him of…anything? Kaworu sensed her hesitation and used the opportunity to set the record straight in his favor. “Shinji’s been stressed beyond reason lately, if you can imagine. With everything with his father…it’s no surprise he’s sick.” Kaworu said trying to be helpful.

She pushed herself off the wall, pacing the room before she hissed back a remark. "You were never to be trusted to begin with."

Kaworu sighed, swallowing back a remark. "I know you have your reservations about me, but I would never hurt Shinji. Do what you will with me, but help Shinji." He pleaded. Misato and Ritsuko both exchanged a look. But Kaworu continued. "We needed to get away from his father."

"Why?" Ritsuko cut in. "What is he planning?"

"It was becoming unsafe to be there anymore. He wants us to pilot Eva Unit-13 and trigger another impact." Kaworu answered as much as he could. "We had to leave. Shinji was in danger of falling under his father's influence."

"Brainwashing?" Misato whispered more to herself than to anyone in the room.

Ritsuko leaned back, crossing her arms at the absurdity of everything. "Why do you care so much about Shinji? What purpose does it serve you knowing his wellbeing?"

"We're friends." Kaworu dared to hope.

That caught Misato's attention. A scowl melting her curiosity. "Really? If you two are such good friends, how come you didn't tell him that you're from SEELE?" Kaworu gave her a puzzling look. "Shinji didn't take it well after I let it slip that you work for SEELE." Misato leaned closer to the glass, gaze piercing. "He said that you would have told him something that important."

Kaworu held his tongue. This was bad. The Angel smoothed his hair back, anxiously. "You know better than me that looks can be deceiving." He countered.

"And what does that make you?" Misato asked genuinely.

"Someone concerned about Shinji and reconstructing the world." Kaworu stated with complete confidence. His hands folded in front of him.

"That's very interesting!" Chimed a familiar voice. All heads turned to the pink Eva pilot, casually leaning on the door frame. How long had she been there? She strolled right in blissfully ignoring the wayward glances she received. "Don't worry, I just came by to see how the interrogation was going."

"Makinami." Ritsuko chided.

Mari shrugged, uncaringly as she approached the glass wall. "What? I'm still interested in this SEELE boy. What dirty secrets do you have about your organization?" Mari smirked.

"Sadly none that you haven't already heard." Kaworu said with a shrug.

_And more that I don’t want to discuss._

"Mari report back to your post." Misato ordered, voice borderline exasperated. 

Mari perked up instantly, remembering a lost thought. "Ohh! That's the other reason I'm here. I already did, and they asked me what should be done with the other Eva units." She said looking at her nails. 

“We’re going to destroy them.” Misato said, rubbing at her temples.

“That would be unwise and a waste.” Kaworu murmured. Mari turned and shot him the double guns’ gesture. 

“I like the way you think!”

Kaworu gave her a nod of acknowledgement. "We want to rebuild the world, not destroy it. Using the vessels of Adam is the only way." He put simply, letting the words sink in.

"Rebuild..." Ritsuko frowned.

"Bullshit." Misato edged off the wall.

"It's possible, we just need Eva 13 and the spears Longinus and Cassius. " Kaworu sighed, mood souring thinking back to that disaster.

"Why didn't you then?" Ritsuko asked, intrigue evident.

He paused, trying to think of the write words to convey said disaster. "There were- complications." Kaworu’s smile was strained.

Mari plopped down on Ritsuko’s desk and gestured for him to continue. "Like?"

"The King of Lilin trying to stop us." Kaworu murmured, eyes narrowing at the thought of him. Ritsuko sat back in her seat, lips pursed and debating while Misato remained twisted away from Kaworu. 

"It’s the truth." Kaworu argued. He turned to face Misato. "You care about Shinji too? I know you wouldn't do all of this if you didn't." He watched Misato's brow arch before she made a move to the wall control panel.

"This conversation is over."

"Can I request to see him at least?" Kaworu asked, already knowing the answer. 

Misato graced him with a side glance before muttering a ‘negative’ as Misato punched a code into the wall and two armed guards emerged.

Kaworu sighed. At least he had been polite. The two guards wandered in ready to escort him to the cellblock. But he paused by the door. "A word of advice, I wouldn't even bother interrogating the First. You and I know both know that will get nowhere."

Misato nodded. "I'll take that into consideration."

Kaworu nodded back, smile back on his face. The guard said something, but Kaworu couldn’t hear him, finally letting his thoughts free. What was going to happen now? They were here but now what? He shadowed the guards, somberly praying that Shinji was safe.

* * *

Shinji didn't wanna wake up. He was still tired and being awake was not on his agenda. But the unnerving feeling of eyes trained on him made him restless. Moments ticked by before the feeling grew into a full-blown annoyance. Fed up, Shinji cracked an eye open and immediately shut it. Why were infirmaries so fucking bright.

He squinted, adjusting to the light before it was blocked out by a familiar face. Warm brown eyes were staring down at him excitedly. "Oh Ikari-kun you're up!"

"Sakura-san?" Shinji croaked. His gaze tried to focus on her instead of the bright room. "How long was I out?"

"Oh, about an hour or so...would you like some water?" She asked, already reaching on the tray next to her.

He nodded mutely. His throat was sore and there was an unpleasant aftertaste lingering in his mouth. Shinji watched with indifference as she methodically poured the water in a cup before she handed it toward him.

"Here you go!"

Shinji reached for the cup, but felt a painful tug at his arm. Shinji glanced down, grimacing at the IV in his left arm. He now noticed the hand restraints cuffed on his right hand. Shinji rose his hand, rattling the chains gathered by his bed side.

Sakura looked sheepishly to the side as he glared at the obvious mistrust shackled to his wrist. "We're replenishing your fluids; you were dehydrated and malnourished." She blurted out in attempt to change the subject. "Were they not feeding you there?"

Shinji's face flashed in confusion before he processed what she said. "Oh, I've just been feeling-"

Pregnant

"Sick for a while." Shinji smiled, forcing the cheeriness. Sakura perked up instantly changing to medical mode.

"With what? You do seem flushed; how have you been feeling lately? Achiness? Nausea? Sore throat?" She asked concerned, her tablet out and ready to take notes.

"Oh you know-" _Angel hybrid pregnancy stuff_. "Just feeling crappy and it made me sick."

"Oh." Sakura nodded thoughtfully and Shinji sighed.

He took the cup of water and sipped it carefully. "I'm sorry what happened again?" Shinji murmured taking another sip of the water.

"We- umm you-" she paused, fiddling with her thumbs blindly. "You threw up and then cried on my shoulder...And then you passed out?"

He almost spat out his water.

"I'm so sorry- sorry you had to be there for a-all that." Shinji babble out. Of all the embarrassing things to do in front of a girl- There was a fool bingo board with his name on it.

"No it's fine, you were stressed and in a bad place. It happens to everyone." Sakura reassured.

 _"Not when they have what I have." He thought bitterly._

"I guess..." Shinji shrugged letting her believe whatever she wanted. Seconds ticked by and both fell into an awkward silence.

"Can I ask you something?" Sakura murmured, inching closer to him. When he didn't respond she took that as a yes. She inched closer to him, eyes full of curiosity and wariness. "What happened there? I mean- While you were gone? Who are those white-haired people to you?" 

Shinji paused pondering if anything that happen was real. "I don't know what happen at NERV honestly." Sakura nodded her head solemnly. "As for those two..." Shinji's fist gripped at his sides. "I don’t care about either of them anymore." 

"Ikari-kun..." Sakura murmured, outstretching her hand to place on his shoulder, but Shinji flinched away. 

"I thought I could trust Kaworu, but I was wrong." Shinji's knuckles fisted the sheets, turning white. Tears were burning behind his eyes threatening to pour out of its own accord. 

"What happened?" Sakura pressed softly. 

"He...I mean he could have..." Shinji cut himself off. Too many emotions swirled around inside, all trying to break free. 

_Tell her the truth._

"I don't want to talk about it." He muttered, lying back down on the bed and turned away from her. He was done talking. 

"I'm sorry." 

Shinji focused on calming his beating heart. But he couldn't catch a break. The door opened causing Sakura to jump while Shinji remained motionless ignoring everything. He heard boots steadily approach the bed before a snide voice called out to him.

"Don't get up on my account."

Shinji turned, facing Ritsuko dead on. Along with her two armed guards. Guns pointed at him.

"I'm here to give you this." She said reaching into her pocket and retrieving another gift. It was shiny, black and made especially for him. He felt the nausea resurface and heart sink. He didn't want to wear that again. Ritsuko stalked over and stopped by the bed. The DSS Choker glinting in the harsh light like a beacon of evil. "Lift your head up." She advised holding the apparatus towards him expectantly. 

Shinji weighed his options. Resist and be shot? Or put that death choker on again?

“Well?” Ritsuko mused waving the device in the air. Shinji submitted reluctantly, bowing his head as the cold metal was snapped onto his neck. She gave Sakura a side glance. “Medical reports second lieutenant.”

"Ah yes ma'am! Patient Ikari is receiving an IV drip to replenish fluids from apparent malnutrition. His vitals are back up and the deep synchro test are still being processed."

Shinji rolled his eyes. It’s not like he was sitting right in front of them.

Ritsuko picked up his chart pad, swiping through the files before setting it down. "Everything seems to be in order. Now get out of bed and come with me."

Sakura broke her salute. “Ah ma’am we still need to psychoanalyze him.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it.” Ritsuko said, her attention focused on fishing through her deep pockets. A moment later she produced a key and unlocked the handcuff shackled to Shinji wrist. Next she moved to the IV drip. “This will sting.”

“What will- OW!” Shinji and Sakura both flinched when the plastic IV in his skin was abruptly ripped out. He took his now free hand and rubbed it soothingly on his sore wrist. He gave Ritsuko a pointed glare. 

"We don't have all day. Either you come with me willingly or someone drags you from that bed. Your choice."

Shinji looked at her and then at the armed guards, guns still pointing at him. He sighed and turned to Ritsuko, head bowed and slid off the bed. Thankfully he still had his own clothes on and didn’t have to walk around in that breezy medical gown again. "Like I ever had a choice." Shinji scoffed. 

"Well you weren't dragged out." Ritsuko replied. She whipped back to Sakura with a hard starte. “Second Lieutenant, see to giving me the test results as soon as its done.

Ah, yes ma’am!”

Ritsuko nodded and made her way to the door, Shinji following behind like a shadow. The guards followed suit on either side of Shinji as they walked through the monstrosity of the ship. Both walked in an unusually comfortable silence. Out of all the people he's been reacquainted with, Dr. Akagi had been the same. They were never on bad or good terms and that’s the way it had always been. Thankfully that meant that it gave Shinji time alone with his thoughts.

What was he going to do now? Where was, he going? Did they find out _it_? Anxiety shot through him, filling his heart with dread. But Ritsuko broke their mutual silence.

She looked ahead as she spoke to Shinji, posture sure and steady. "I’m going to be frank with you, what is your relationship with that SEELE boy?"

Shinji fumbled with his feet and almost tripped. "Wait, what?" Shinji wheezed. _Way to play it cool_

"Nagisa Kaworu.” She reminded him flatly.

"He’s-” Shinji tried to come up for a word for him. Backstabber was probably bad?

"A friend?” She asked, genially interested.

"Someone I need to help pilot the Eva." Shinji said dejected. Ritsuko looked down at him unimpressed. There was something she knew that he didn’t know. 

"Huh, that’s very interesting. Would piloting said Eva bring about reversing the world back into its natural state?"

Shinji stopped in his tracks. “Wait, did Kaworu tell you?"

Ritsuko nodded, and gestured for him to keep moving. “He told us in his interrogation. He also confirms that you left because of your father.”

“Yeah?” Among other things.

"Anything else you want to add to that statement?"

"No." Shinji deflected. Ritsuko shot him a sharp look, but Shinji ignored it. Ritsuko slid a key card down and the doors slid open. With a shaky breath Shinji walked forward into the dim room, it looked like someone was already in there.

"I'll be in there shortly, in the meantime you two might want to be reacquainted." Ritsuko said nonchalantly before the doors shut.

Shinji started at the door dumbly. What did she mean by that- unless. Shinji sped around and was face to face with the Kaworu.

The Angel was seated lazily before he bolted up in his seat. "Shinji."

Shinji reflexively stumbled backward, hitting the door with a thud. He couldn't run away. Both stood at odds with one another. Kaworu tried to make a move toward Shinji but he jumped out of his reach. He ignored the hurt expression that crossed Kaworu's face and stared at the floor.

Kaworu sighed and forced his hand at his sides obediently. He was painfully aware how much damage had been dealt. "Are you alright?” Kaworu finally said, gesturing to the death trap on both their necks.

"No." Shinji snapped.

"Shinji I need to tell you-" 

"No!” His arms wrapped around himself protectively. “Don’t talk to me.”

“Shinji?” His hand reached out to gently turn him, but he flinched smacking his hand out of the way.

"Don't touch me! Leave me the fuck alone!" Shinji stalked to the other side of the room.

Kaworu deflated as he watched Shinji distancing from him again. Letting out a sigh Kaworu’s hands fell back at his sides. 

Off to a rocky start like the good old’ days.

* * *

Ritsuko quickly made her way to the security room, boots thudding across the floor. Onlookers haphazardly leapt out of the way as she passed them all the way to the control room doors.

She hunched over her thighs when she reached the control room and trying to her labored breathing checked. Slipping back into her composure she waltzed into the room only to be berated.

“You’re late.” Misato called from her seat by many of the security monitors to get here. Ritsuko huffed back.

“It’s not a simple walk around the corner to get here.” Ritsuko huffed back.

“You didn’t miss much.” Mari said, spinning on the chair and loudly slurping from a nutrient pack. “They’re just having a lovers quarrel.”

Misato crossed her arms and glared down at the screen displaying Shinji and SEELE’s child bickering.

The SEELE boy spoke up. “Shinji.”

"Don't talk to me! Just go away!" Shinji walked away, distancing himself from the other.

"Shinji we need to talk." The other boy pressed.

"Talk about what? How you're a liar?!" He twisted to yell at him.

The white-haired boy froze. "What did I lie about." He looked confused.

"Why didn't you tell me you were with SEELE!" Shinji shouted. 

"That's what they told you?" He asked relived.

"You work for SEELE! The people who want to destroy the world!”

"It's a long story." The other boy sighed. "One that I'd be happy to tell you someday but not right now."

"Of course." Shinji spat.

Kaworu sighed and looked around the small room. Something in the back of his mind told him he was being monitored. This was a set-up.< p>

His eyes scanned the room for a camera of some sorts hidden- ah there it was, spying at them in secret. So, that was her plan. With a side glance to the camera the audio began to short circuit.

"Huh? Where's the sound?"

“What happened?”

“Oh c’mon not right now.”

Ritsuko turned around in her chair, glaring at the pink pilot. “Mari.”

"I didn't do anything I swear, at least this time!" She raised her hands up in defense.

Another of the technicians clicked away on the keyboard fruitlessly. Not only had the camera's audio cut off but other electronics were acting haywire. The techie smacked the screen and the visual glitches. “For fucks sake.”

Kaworu looked back at Shinji pleadingly. "I know you're furious and have every right to be, but everything I did was to protect you."

Shinji bit back a laugh. "Protect me? Well you sure did a hell of a job! Now I’m stuck with this _thing_!" He gestured at his middle and Kaworu’s head dropped submissively. 

“I never meant for you to go through this.” Kaworu lifted his head to face Shinji who was pointedly glaring at the mirror. Words died in his mouth as Shinji let out a surprised gasp, like he was suddenly struck by inspiration. Shinji whipped around toward Kaworu with a panicked look on his face.

Shinji subconsciously inched closer to Kaworu. "Wait, we shouldn’t be talking about this out loud, right?" He asked is a hushed tone. Shinji’s eyes started searching for hidden cameras.

"It's alright, I disabled the audio." Kaworu said automatically. 

"How?" Shinji asked skeptically. Kaworu shrugged his shoulders, smiling sheepishly as Shinji’s frown deepened. "Why do I even bother asking." He muttered.

“Shinji?”

He was quite before he glared at Kaworu. “I should tell them about it.” Shinji said spitefully.

Kaworu's face paled. "No, now is not the opportune time to tell them. They don’t trust us and we don’t know what they have planned." He made a good point but Shinji was beyond reason when upset.

"Why not? Since you can’t get rid of it, maybe they can." Shinji nodded at the idea, hope blooming in his chest.

Kaworu shook his head. “I already told you it won’t work.” He said in dismissal. How many times would he have to tell Shinji that he couldn’t- Not unless he wanted to die. But Shinji fought back.

Shinji shot forward, barging in Kaworu’s personal space for once and yanked at his shirt. "How do you know for sure?! You haven’t even tried!" Shinji sassed inches from his face. Kaworu’s shocked expression turned cold as he gripped Shinji’s shoulders.

Shinji’s grip on the shirt was forfeited in favor of clutching at his own beating heart. He was acutely aware of a dull ache in his middle starting to spread. The same ache that only seemed to appear when that _thing_ was triggered. “Kaworu-” Shinji tried to warn but Kaworu closed the gap between them, faces mere inches apart. He could have sworn that his teeth were sharper.

Kaworu stomped down the urgency of that _thing’s_ reeling it’s ugly head again and the trouble it could cause. All sense flew out the window in his passion. Unhinged crimson eyes narrowed down at Shinji, his lips in a grim line. "Trust me if there was a way to remove it safely, we wouldn’t be having this conversation." Kaworu said coldly.

He wanted the weight of his words to leave an effect, but he faltered as the only reaction was Shinji’s terrified eyes locked on him. The haze of anger cleared and was immediately was replaced with guilt. He released Shinji’s shoulders, backing away ashamed at what he just done. He fucked up.

He scraped together the last bits of his senses and tried to fix it. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me…” He waited for Shinji to say something but he refused to look at him. Kaworu took that as a cue to continue. “Your father said that if it was removed...it would kill you in the process." He said gently.

“I’ll die.” Shinji whispered, visibly shaken.

“Yes.” Kaworu swallowed back bile.

Reality dawn on Shinji as he looked at Kaworu for any sigh of falsehood and found none. His gaze panned down to his middle. The dull ache had disbursed, but his body still felt wired and thrumming as if waiting for him to act. If dying was better than being with this thing, so be it. He wasn’t going to be part of messing up the world again. "I don't care. If they kill me getting rid of it then, so what? I don’t care what happens to me anymore.” Shinji muttered.

Kaworu was taken back, an unreadable expression crossed his face. Like the words, Shinji spoke physically hurt him. "Don’t belittle yourself. There are people who care and need you.” Sincerity in his crimson eyes.

“Shut up...” Shinji said weakly. He didn’t know him.

“You are so much more than you think of yourself.” Kaworu pressed.

Shinji shook his head and covered his ears from his lies. Why couldn’t he let him be? “Shut up!”

“Shinji I need you.”

 _I need you_. Each syllable felt like a stab in his heart, making him want to shield away from the pain until something cracked. Shinji's body instinctively moved on its own, hands wrapping around Kaworu's neck. The Angel's head snapped back, smacking against the wall as Shinji shoved him. Sick pleasure coursed through him as he watched Kaworu gasping for breath.

_Had this happened before?_

Kaworu's hands flew to Shinji's arms on reflex. A horrible thought crossing his mind at the familiar scene. He didn't put up a fight. If this is what needed to happen so be it.

"Shut. Up." Shinji ground out adding more pressure, palms biting into the Choker. "This is just another trick from you."

"It's not." Kaworu argued hoarsely. Shinji was deceptively strong, he thought in the backburners of his mind.

"Yes it is!"

"I care for you."

Shinji’s grip slipped just the slightest. "Why do you care so much for me? Liking other people will just end in pain." Shinji cried.

"Because I love you."

"People just-” Shinji stopped, brain trying to proceed the last sentence. "What did you just say?"

Kaworu smiled weakly. "I love you Shinji." There was no mistaking what he said. It was clear cut, like it was the simplest thing in the world to say. Shinji froze. Had he heard those words spoken to him once upon a dream. His grip slacked, but Kaworu didn't move.

Shinji shook his head. "T- This is a trick. No, you can't love me. It’s not possible.”

"Not possible? Shinji, I believe that I wasn't just born to just meet you." Kaworu confessed, gazing at Shinji like he was the whole universe. The shielded emotions he tried so hard keep in check escaped from his chest and spilled out. "I was born to love you Shinji." He laughed breathlessly as tears fell from his eyes.

"I-I Kaworu...”

"I'm sorry- I can't keep it in. It felt wrong not telling you." Kaworu knew this was the worst situation to spring this on an emotionally distraught Shinji and probably warranted its own redo. But fuck if things were going his way. His thoughts were pushed back as he felt Shinji’s hands slide from his neck. Kaworu gasped, gulping in precious air. Shinji stood head hunched as he regarded him warily.

Shinji backed away, arms folded protectively around himself. "You're just going to hurt me."

"I'd rather die than hurt you." Kaworu said regaining some of his composure back. "I know I haven't been honest with you, but I thought it was for the best. The less you knew about my past the better."

Shinji looked appalled. "Why? Why would you ever think that?"

"I was afraid of your reaction…” Shinji made a disgruntled sound and Kaworu’s arms shot up defensively, rushing out a response. “It’s’ true I was "raised" by SEELE, but I am not loyal to them." Kaworu murmured. Shinji frowned down at his shoes, clutching tighter at his sides. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it, hesitant to say anything. 

Kaworu took a step forward and placed a hand on his heart. "I want to be better because I've meet you. I want to know your fear, pain, happiness and bliss. I want to be a part of that universe you feel so calm in."

"You care so much about me? How do you know I can return your feelings?" Shinji asked wary.

"I don’t expect you to return my feelings." Kaworu murmured with a terrible sadness that made Shinji’s heart ache for some reason. “It would be wonderful, but after all the lies I don’t expect you to trust me based on principle.” Kaworu said truthfully. All that mattered was Shinji’s happiness, not his. 

“Then what do you want?” Shinji asked quizzically.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, but to give me another chance. A _redo_ if you will." Kaworu smirked in that one way that felt like an inside joke only to him.

"A redo…” Shinji hesitated deep in thought, looking at Kaworu critically. He just wanted another chance, a fresh start. That’s what he wanted anyway too, so why deny Kaworu? But after everything, could he still…Shinji’s hard stare flattened and he sighed in defeated. “I don't know why but I still want to trust you…I have to trust you."

Kaworu shook his head. "It's completely your choice whether to trust me Shinji. No one can choose for you."

"How can you have so much faith in me when I don't feel the same about you?" Shinji scoffed.

"Because I was wrong. I thought I was protecting you, but I was just thinking of myself." Kaworu allowed himself to be blunt. Shinji gawked wide eyed for a few moments before he groaned.

"How can you be this way?!" 

"What way?" Did he come off wrong? Was his message not clear?

"S- So you!" He gestured to all of him. "To be so trusting of others when you know they can hurt you- I could hurt you!" Shinji protested. 

Kaworu smiled again. "I believe anyone can change, you're proof of that."

"What does that mean?" Shinji frowned.

"Do you think that you’re the same person before you piloted the Eva?" Kaworu cocked his head in a familiar way.

"I don't know." Shinji muttered, reluctantly thinking about his previous self.

"Change is why I admire you. Living in the past is a painful experience...it could drive a person mad.” Kaworu shook his head a little and squared his shoulders. “But you have the will and freedom to divot away from a chosen path. You can experience new things and discover yourself worth.”

"Kaworu-"

"I know what I've done is unforgivable, it's my own fault. But I want to help you with every fiber of my being." Kaworu declared. "Let me earn back your trust like a true friend."

Shinji sighed. "I don't even know if I categorize you as a friend anymore..."

"I- understand." Kaworu lied.

Shinji pressed his back to the wall and slid down, sitting on the floor overwhelmed. His knees were pressed to his chest and arms draped around himself. "This is a whole other level, you're so much more now and I don't know why." He watched as Kaworu followed his lead and sat down a little ways away from him on the cold floor.

"I am to you?" Kaworu whispered hopefully. Shinji nodded before resting his head on his arm.

"But everything's a mess now." Shinji’s bundled himself together.

Kaworu reached his hand out to place it on Shinji’s shoulder, but caught himself. He retracted his hand back and let it fall by his sides. "I know and I'm sorry for that."

"I need time to think things over. After everything that's happened- " He paused chancing a glance at Kaworu behind his bangs. He smiled, waiting dutifully for Shinji to continue. "After everything that's happened I still want to make things right...even with this thing. I want to fix my mistakes and along the way we can find a way to get rid of it too."

“If that’s what you want to do then you have my support.” Kaworu nodded.

"I'm going to trust you- not fully I'm still mad at you. But I'm going to trust you enough to reach my goals." Shinji said determined. 

"And we'll see what goes from there?" Shinji mumbled under his breath. But Kaworu pretended he didn't hear that part.

"I understand." Kaworu nodded again and froze as Shinji suddenly outstretched his hand toward him. It was an offering of a truce and Kaworu could barely contain his smile. He reached out for the hand right before Shinji snatched his hand right back.

"Is there anything else that you haven't told me?" Shinji asked, eyes narrowing.

Kaworu blinked. “Hmm?”

"Is there anything else you haven't told me? If this is going to work, I want to know upfront. No more lies." Shinji cautioned.

_The time loops._

"I think I’ve covered all the bases." Kaworu smoothed over. Shinji looked at him with scrutiny before he outstretched his hand again. Kaworu took the hand and shook it with resolute.

Shinji sighed, letting all the pent up rage and fear drift away him leave him with uncertainty. He broke the handshake and wrapped it back around himself. “Thank you.” He said shyly.

"For what?"

"Apologizing and talking to me- like a person. No one really does that with me." Shinji found himself averting his eyes. He was not getting emotional.

"Thank you." Kaworu said warmly. 

Shinji perked up. "For what?"

He chuckled freely, feeling giddy. "Thank you for giving me another chance…well an attempt at a second chance." Kaworu shrugged. Maybe he could make this work after all.

Shinji blinked before a small smile tugged on his face. "Are you sure you're okay with being around me? I'm kind of a mess." Shinji joked.

"If it's any consolation, you're not the only mess." Kaworu hummed thoughtfully.

"You don't seem like it." Shinji admitted. Even now he was jealous of the way he kept himself together for so long. 

Kaworu smirked, leaning back on the wall. "On the outside. But the one thing that keeps me going is you."

Shinji blushed, hiding his face with his bangs. He scooted closer, shoulders nearly touching. "Guess we're both messes." Shinji snorted, breaking into a fit of laughter. Kaworu watched bewildered, but soon found a smile forming on his face. He chuckled finding Shinji’s laughter contagious. It was stupid and things were looking bleak but who the hell cared? Certainly not these two.

Things were not perfect but okay. Both took solstice in one another in the moment of levity. Because who knew how many more moments they would get? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I've been gone for approximately a year (( ;°Д°)) yikes!). But I promise you I am never giving up on this story and won't stop until this is done! I'm so moved that people have stuck with this story for so long and just makes me so happy. Reading your comments give me life and I still can't believe this is getting kudos???Thank??? I promise that I won't take forever to update from now on lol (I hope). I finally know where this story is going and I hope you guys will enjoy it too. (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و


	14. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misato decides the fate of Shinji and Kaworu while Mari plays matchmaker behind the scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! It's only been 5 months since my last update instead of a year??? I call that a win in my book! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ But seriously you guys are all my muses and I appericate all the support! Speaking of support, give a big round of applause to  
> [teenunicorn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/teenunicorn/pseuds/teenunicorn) for being my #1 Beta ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧ (and for putting up my nonsense)! If it wasn't for them, this would update would have probably been in October.

****

“The video feed just cut off?!”

“What’s going on?!”

“I’ve got systems going haywire!”

“What should we do, Captain?!”

People all around were panicking as they frantically tried to fix the failing systems under the wrathful gaze of Captain Katsuragi. All the while, Mari watched the mayhem unfold with a grin plastered on her face and her arms crossed behind her head. This was the funniest thing she'd seen in ages. Chaos was all around, and _she_ wasn't the one who caused it.

 It was nice, not being on the receiving end of Misato’s annoyance for once, and she reveled in it. Mari cocked her head to see the senior chief of the computer technicians scowling at her screen while muttering something rather un-lady like.

“Captain! Everything is going ass-fucking backwards! I have reports of systems malfunctions across the whole ship,” Ibuki spat as her agile fingers furiously typed away on the unresponsive keyboard.

Misato’s glower turned murderous at Ibuki’s status report, and it looked like she’d finally had enough. She whipped around and banged her fist on the nearest solid surface. “What are you all doing there sitting on your asses?! Someone go check on them!” she yelled, pointing at the others to collectively get their shit together. Mari’s eyes sparkled, instantly perking up.

“Ooh! Ooh! I'm on it!” Mari cheered as she volunteered herself. She bolted out of her seat, bounding her way over to the door while all the other subordinates bumbled around one another trying to heed the captain’s command. But she was too quick.

 Ritsuko swerved in her chair and called out to her urgently, “Mari get back here!” But her words fell on deaf ears because the pink blur was already down the hall. She deflated, realizing there was no stopping Mari once she was on it. Grumbling to herself, Ritsuko turned back in her seat, scrolling through the various screens trying to repair the haywire systems.

* * *

 

“Out of the way!” Mari gleefully shouted, zipping through the ship with reckless abandon. With barely contained excitement, she narrowly dodged crashing into a squadron of newbie techies running the opposite way. Oh, and Hyuga was with them; most likely, their destination was the security room.

“Hey watch it!” Hyuga scolded as he rushed by.

“I can’t! Woman on a mission!” she jeered back. Too bad for them, the real fun was in the interrogation room! Smiling wider, she waltzed in between personnel and bystanders, who gave her strange looks but quickly dismissed her antics. Her sprint gradually slowed into a casual stroll once she believed everyone was too busy to notice her. It was just a few more turns and she would be at the interrogation holding cell, but at the pace she was going, those two lovebirds would be given some extra time to make up. Or kill one another. Either way she would get a show out of it.

Mari hummed gleefully before stopping in front of the door. With as much grace as a lizard, she leaned her whole body against the door, listening for any tell-tale signs of a more _intimate_ mood. But she quickly frowned when she heard nothing. At all. Maybe they did kill each another? Punching in the code excitedly, she bounced in place as the door began the long process of unlocking.

“Are you two still alive?!” Mari yelled, poking her head through the door before it opened fully. Her eyes beamed as she caught a glimpse of Puppy and Prince seemingly sharing a tender moment right before she ruined the mood. Alerted by her presence, the startled Pup leapt away awkwardly and landed in the Prince's lap. Like clockwork, the noble Prince’s arm reflexively wrapped around his Puppy’s shoulders protectively as he looked up at her.

Her smirk grew.

Kaworu shot Mari an exasperated look before his attention was drawn back to Shinji, who was currently still perched on his lap, draped over his body. “Are you alright?” he questioned gently, eyeing how Shinji’s hand clung to his shirt. Shinji nodded back distractedly, his gaze still fixated on the door.

“I’m okay,” Shinji sighed. His head drooped as he slowly unclenched the hand he held over his decelerating heartbeat. He tried to flash a glare at Mari but faltered. Her hand was positioned discreetly over her mouth, trying, but ultimately failing, to stifle her snickering. Puzzled, Shinji turned to Kaworu for his input but froze. He suddenly realized why she was giggling to herself.

The proximity between them was a little _too_ close for comfort. Shinji was literally in Kaworu’s lap, with one hand still clinging onto his shirt. Plus, Kaworu’s arms were casually wrapped around his shoulders in a tight embrace. But the most important tidbit was that both their faces were now merely inches apart. Just enough that if he leaned up just a little bit higher their lips would-

Shinji scrambled off Kaworu's lap and quickly stood up, metaphorically squashing down those thoughts along the way. Which turned out to be a bad call, since the blood flow didn’t quite catch up with his head. Shinji’s knees buckled and his vision blurred as he felt the tug of gravity calling his name, but Kaworu was suddenly in front of him with hands outstretched.

Kaworu caught him mid-stumble, one arm wrapped around Shinji’s lower back and the other grabbing hold of his limp hand. Shinji’s head fell heavily against his chest, despite his feet holding steady. He seemed to have some control over his body. The Angel looked down worriedly. “Shinji, are you alright?”

Shinji stirred at the call of his name and fought off the urge to black out. Enough of his wits came back for Shinji to realize that his face was now smooshed against something solid, with fabric tickling his face. Drowsily, he nuzzled his head further into it trying to determine wha- _who_ he was slumped against. But he could only make out the rapid heartbeat of whoever was holding him. Regardless, it felt familiar like when-oh! With newfound strength, Shinji ushered his body to gently push away, but he felt a weight supporting his lower back and right arm. Shinji furrowed his brow in confusion, finally deciding to glance upward and froze.

“K-Kaworu?” Shinji stammered. Fate seemed to want Shinji in Kaworu’s embrace. More words tried to tumble out of his mouth but the click of a camera flash had both turning to the origin of the sound.

The grin on Mari's face grew wider. “Ahhhh that's so sweet you two. And here we thought you guys killed one another,” she cooed, tapping away at her phone, which was decked out in way too many charms in Shinji’s opinion. “This is gonna make a great background pic.”

Shinji broke himself away from Kaworu’s hold unceremoniously and stomped his foot down. “Makinami- what do you want?!” Shinji asked, red in the face. She smiled and turned to him, shrugging her shoulders lazily.

“I was supposed to be breaking up a fight, but here we are.”

“A fight? What are you talking about-” Shinji paused, eyes going wide as the gears in his head finally turned. “You were watching us! Why- but how?!” he accused, pointing his finger at the culprit.

Mari laid one hand over her heart and the other over her forehead dramatically. “I'm hurt on how little you trust us, but yeah, cat's out of the bag.” Mari shrugged again, smiling smugly before she snapped her fingers and gasped. “Which reminds me! Our equipment conveniently bugged out for some reason while we were all spying,” she said slyly, her gaze never leaving Kaworu.

“That is quite strange,” Kaworu said, sporting a pristine smile on his face. Shinji unconsciously took a step back, trying to distance himself from the tension building between the other two pilots. Shinji glanced at Kaworu and felt his heart leap into his throat. He knew that look, it was the one that always made him feel uneasy and out of the loop. Shinji looked between the two and felt in the middle of a potential crossfire. Both knew something the other one didn’t, but what it was exactly was still a mystery, and Shinji did not want to know.

Mari threw her hands behind her head casually and continued their little game. “Could be karma or,” she looked between Kaworu and Shinji expectantly. The Prince just tilted his head at her little jab. “Something else?”

“Makinami!” Shinji interjected in hopes of changing the subject. Both turned their attention back on him, his voice instantly breaking the rigid atmosphere. In the corner of Shinji’s eyes, he saw Kaworu’s face soften and he looked more like his normal self. “There's something I wanted to ask you?”

“Sure, shoot,” Mari cheered, mood shifting back to her usual upbeat status. She gave Shinji the finger guns and he resisted rolling his eyes.

“Is there a way for us to talk to Mi- I mean, the captain? There something I-” he stopped and looked at Kaworu, who gave him an encouraging nod. “Something _we_ need to discuss,” Shinji said sternly.

“Really now?” Mari said as she put her finger guns down in her figurative gun holster and crossed her arms over her chest.

“We want to help WILLE fight NERV,” Shinji spoke, determination filling his voice.

Mari’s eyes sparkled as her ever widening grin grew. “How so Pups?” She walked closer to Shinji, looking him eye to eye.

“We don't know yet, but we want to help,” Shinji offered.

Mari straightened herself, finally acting serious. Before she could open her mouth, an annoying phone jingle suddenly echoed through the room. “Oh, hold on.”

She dipped her head down and dug through her jacket pockets until she pulled out her cell phone. “Hello hello, Mari here,” Mari sang happily before she yanked the phone away from her ear. Even from this distance, both Shinji and Kaworu could hear muffled shouting coming from the device.

Shinji exchanged a look with Kaworu who shrugged in return. Mari continued babbling on in her conversation.

“Geez, calm down, I was just about to report back. No, they didn't kill one another, bummer, right? Oh, but they do want to speak with you,” Mari said as she winked at Shinji, who shot her a confused look as she waved him off.

“Okay bye-bye!” She smiled, folding the phone shut with a quick click. She let her head hang, as if it were too heavy for her to keep up, and sighed heavily. “Woooh. That was an ordeal, but the good news is that she’s coming down.”

“Oh,” Shinji said, unsure of himself, and suddenly regretted making that request. Kaworu flashed him a smile of encouragement. That made him feel a bit better until Mari let out a snort. Shinji and Kaworu both turned toward her, Shinji more in irritation whereas Kaworu did so in curiosity.

“I wouldn’t be so happy if I were you,” she chimed in a sing song voice.

“Why not?” Kaworu asked, brow raised.

Mari just smirked to herself, thinking about just what these poor souls were in for. She reached out to Shinji and put her hand on his shoulder as she shot him a sympathetic look. “Don’t think that just because she agreed to see you means that she’s going to be civil. The captain is gonna unleash her wrath upon you.”

* * *

 

Misato was going to unleash her wrath on them.

Ritsuko didn’t even flinch when the phone clattered on the receiver, rattling the tiny table it laid upon. If anything, it put her less on edge. Her not having an episode was something to turn your head at. She was used to these outbursts and biding her time until Misato would just burn it all out and start functionally normally again. She counted to thirty in her head before she spoke up against the silent room of onlookers.

“What’s the status report? They’re not dead, are they?” Ritsuko bravely ventured to ask. Misato gave her the briefest of glances and shook her head. There was a distinct aura that loomed over the room, of not disappointment but something akin to the added responsibility she had to shoulder.

“No, but they will be wishing they were, once I’m done with them,” Misato hissed as she dragged her fist from the table. She went straight to the door and informed the guards of the situation. The bleach blonde watched on as Misato stalked to the door and she sighed, finally rising from her cozy seat to follow the crazy captain like always.

“What are you going to do?” Ritsuko humored her. Misato stopped in her tracks, whipping around on her heels and giving her a scrutinizing glare.

“You and I both know that something is wrong,” Misato hissed while she wrung her hands together. She glanced at Ritsuko, finding that she too wore a grim, knowing face. Ever since Shinji had been brought back, they had unwittingly turned the cogs of something bigger than themselves. Whether they could stop it was the question. “…They were able to mess with the controls somehow,” she said, allowing vulnerability and uncertainty seep into her voice.

Everything was wrong, but she was blindly allowing it to happen as all three were dangerous to keep on the ship -- or near _any_ humanity at all. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt she had toward Shinji, something she thought she had buried with him fourteen years ago. She felt Ritsuko stare at her for too long and slowly turned to her. If she knew what Misato was thinking, Ritsuko didn’t let it show. Instead she spoke up.

“It is suspicious that the controls conveniently shut off, but that doesn’t prove anything,” Ritsuko sighed with no real conviction.

“You’re going to look at me with a straight face and tell me that,” Misato scoffed and Ritsuko just shrugged and gestured to Misato to keep going, so Misato would continue to proceed to the destination she had in mind. She took the hint and began to take the lead again.

“Well Captain, I’m trying to think rationally, but you and I both know never to question things like these unless you’re willing to pay.”

“Are you saying that I should watch where I step?” Misato challenged, placing her hands on her hips.

Ritsuko shook her head, a smug smirk on her lips. “Merely be careful in what you will find at the end. We still know next to nothing about what really happened while they were at NERV. It could all be a set-up.”

The furrow in Misato’s brow deepened. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there,” Misato said as she took a turn in a direction that did not lead to the interrogation rooms. Ritsuko rushed after her, shouting.

“Where are you going?!”

“I need to know what they’re planning,” Misato said firmly. “And if what he said was true then _this_ will throw them off.”

Ritsuko sped after her, right on her heels. “And you think she’s involved as well? They didn’t seem too concerned with her.”

“We’ll just see about that.”

* * *

 

Kaworu stood watching the door expectantly with all the patience he could muster. The anticipation was tiring and getting on his nerves. It had been well over half an hour and she still hadn’t shown up. But he was ever diligent, his posture composed and flawless…especially compared to the other occupants.

“Geeeeeeeez! What's taking her so long?” Mari mumbled, aloof. She sat on the floor playing with a game on some handheld system with persistence. Shinji made a small noise in agreement as he leaned against the wall. It was basically holding him up since his eyelids looked droopy and legs wobbled with every second he stood his ground. Every so often he nodded off but was startled awake before he could fall to the ground.

This all didn't go unnoticed by Kaworu of course. He silently observed how drained Shinji seemed to be, and that worried him. All the excitement from today must have finally taken a toll on him. Kaworu placed himself far enough to give Shinji space but close enough to leap into action if he fell again.

His gaze fell behind Shinji and noticed something useful. “May we use those chairs?” Kaworu asked, gesturing to the folded chairs piled into the corner of the room.

Mari’s devotion to the game was abandoned as she jumped up from her spot on the floor and walked over to the corner. “Oh sure! Totally forgot these were here.” She knelt down, humming to herself as she pulled a chair from the stack. “To be honest, I was banking on Pup’s leaping into the Prince's arms again,” she snickered as she presented a chair in front of Shinji.

Shinji glared at her before snatching the chair from her grip in a huff. He made note to drag his chair the furthest away from her, the legs scraping against the ground, before sitting down.  “Why are you so fascinated with us?” he asked offhandedly.

“I think you guys are a cute couple~” she said with a complete honesty that threw him for a loop.

Shinji jolted to his feet stuttering and gesticulating to Kaworu as he stumbled on his words. “C-couple! We're not a couple!”

“Oh, you could've fooled me,” Mari said, sporting a doubting look. That just infuriated Shinji more, which in turn caused her to smile.

“We're not a couple! Right Kaworu?!” Shinji turned to the one in question in hopes of getting some back up. But Kaworu just pondered for a moment and then shrugged, neither confirming nor denying. He just smiled back at Shinji which made his heart feel like fluff was clogging up his chest cavity.

“That's not helping!” Shinji cried while covering his face to conceal the unrelenting blush burning at his cheeks. Feebly, he tried to let the weird giddy feeling roll off his shoulders and disappear. The fact that Kaworu didn’t bother correcting her should not have affected him this badly. His mind urged him to draw this out -- make a scene to distract them from his own embarrassment. Shinji dropped his hands from his face and turned to Kaworu and Mari, mouth open and ready to deny their relationship, but his words died in his throat. Instead his head cocked toward the door just before it opened. The fuzzy feeling vacated his chest and gave way to a sickening sensation, settling deep in the pit of his stomach.

Not-Rei stepped through the door calmly, revealing herself to the three pilots. Her piercing gaze traveled around the room until focusing solely on one person with great interest.

Shinji reflexively twisted his body so he was facing away from her infectious presence and braced himself for the dull ache to flare up. The thing within was already stirring itself awake, but the sensation was different. It was more like a deep humming in his belly, warm and fuzzy as if trying to wash away his unease. But he knew better to trust that feeling as he glared at her and everything she wasn’t.

“Why is she here?” Shinji hissed.

“Because I heard you wanted to strike a deal with me,” Misato said, striding authoritatively into the room; Ritsuko walking a few steps behind. She stopped by Rei’s side and jabbed a finger in the clone’s general direction. “That includes her right?” Misato asked curtly, crossing her arms while her eyes wandered over to the mystery kid. She studied the way he stood casually, observing her in a lazy way. Like she wasn’t a threat. With a frown, Misato turned her scowl on her previous cause of blight, who was still glaring at the Rei clone.

“The deal is not with her. She’s not even the real one,” Shinji grumbled irritably.

 Now that seemed to stir a genuine reaction from Not-Rei. Eerily she turned her steady head toward Shinji with a questioning expression. It was the same look he was acquainted with seeing on _his_ Rei, yet this time he felt an emotion loitering in her eyes. Shinji felt a shiver travel up his spine as her crimson eyes pierced through him like she was searching for the truth and it was under his skin. He snapped his head to the side to break contact with her. 

Kaworu watched the exchange with a neutral face in front of the mini audience of Lilin before his eyes shifted to Shinji’s rigid form. He could almost see the pure distaste radiating off Shinji; it was palpable in the air. The First finally broke her stare with Shinji and gave Kaworu a quick once over. Her face betrayed nothing in its bleakness, and whatever she was going to be used for remained hidden.

Ritsuko walked closer to the living doll and crossed her arms. “True, she’s not the original,” she gave an unimpressed side glance at Rei and sighed. “But that doesn’t mean she’s cleared from suspicion as well. If you want a deal, she’s included. Strings attached.”

Shinji frowned, ready to protest when he heard Kaworu chuckle. “I see,” the Angel began to say. “She’s insurance on your part to see if we’re hiding something. If something were to go wrong and she was the cause? Then we are to blame?”

“Correct.”

“That seems fair,” Kaworu said calmly, nodding in agreement.

But Shinji gawked at him, betrayal evident on his face. Shinji glowered between Misato and Kaworu, letting his anger boiling to the surface. “That is _not_ fair! I don’t want to be blamed for something she does! She’s not part of the deal!”

“What is it that you want out of this deal?” Misato asked bluntly as she eyed the duo.

“We want to help,” Kaworu said sincerely, taking a measured step forward.

“Not an option,” Misato scoffed, dismissing the whole thing. But Shinji took offense and was barely keeping himself from running up to her face.

“But we haven’t said anything yet!” Shinji exclaimed in his defense. It took all the strength he could muster to remain where he was standing and not blow up in her face. What was her damage! They were trying to help? Why couldn’t she understand that?

“Exactly, there’s nothing you have that I want or care for,” Misato burst their collective bubble as she spoke her mind truthfully. The only thing that mattered was that they were in her custody. Damn what the others said. 

“Nothing at all?” Kaworu asked in a sickly sweetly tone that he knew would piss the commander off, but grabbed her attention. Smirking, he shoved his hands into his pockets and asked, “So, you know that trying to destroy our Eva is pointless?”

Misato rolled her shoulders and leaned back rigidly, searching for the bluff. “There is no guarantee that you two are telling me the truth,” she muttered through her teeth. 

“Misato…” Shinji looked directly into her steely eyes, never straying. “When I first woke up, you said that I was in your custody? For what exactly?” he pried gently.

“For destroying the world,” Misato said brusquely, her jaw clenched. 

Shinji bristled, sensing that the tension in the air was spiraling into hostility but he continued. “So why didn't you just kill me?” he asked, noticing her slight flinch in posture and banked on it. “It would have been easier.”

 _“It could have saved everyone the trouble,”_ Shinji thought darkly to himself. But his thoughts were derailed as Misato towered over him. He felt a shiver travel up his spine as she looked down on him, face full of deathly contempt.

“Because you still need to pay for your crimes.”

“How? By rotting away in jail?!” Shinji shouted in her face, not quite eye to eye with her. But she didn’t budge, her will was like iron and he felt his woefully lacking experience couldn’t take on her whole life’s worth. With a sigh, he backed off and allowed his eyes to soften. “We want to take down NERV too,” Shinji tried to plead, looking at Kaworu for confirmation.

“What's with all this ‘we’ stuff? When did he become your best friend?” she asked skeptically.

“Because we both decided we wanted to change the world back!” Shinji said exasperated and wringing his hands in the air.

“It's not possible,” Ritsuko cut in.

“I know how you feel! I wanted to give up after everything that happened and then-” Shinji stopped himself from confessing too many things and brought himself back on topic- “I was given hope. Isn't that what you’re doing?... Hoping for a better future?”

“Hoping is different. We are surviving,” Misato said somberly.

Shinji nodded in agreement trying to find the Misato he knew. “But you need to believe that you can survive? That's what I want too! I know you think I have some agenda behind your back but I don't!”

“Your father-”

“What could I possibly gain from helping my father?!” Shinji exploded and posture stiff and rigid.

Misato reeled back, eyes wide, fixating on the boy. Guilt tried worming its way into her heart but she quelled the impulse on principle. Her composure fell back into place, putting forth the world before him. “If I was inclined to believe you, what would you have me do? What can you do for me?”

“Anything you wish,” Kaworu said compliantly as he non-discreetly placed himself in front of Shinji, his smile never dampening for a moment.

“Anything can mean a lot of things.” Misato quirked a brow.

“Anything within reason,” Kaworu clarified. “We can offer you information, service, friendly advice?” he prattled on the list before Misato raised a hand.

Misato was silent for a moment before she spoke up. “I want to know what went down after your capture and the reason you left.” Ritsuko nodded in the background, awaiting the answer.

“After what happened?” Shinji asked quizzically. What part did she want to know? Their budding relationship that burned into flames? The fact his father was basically using him as a pack mule? There were too many things that he didn’t really know himself. He turned to Kaworu who wore a similar, albeit more well-hidden, expression. But the one thing he was sure of was that…

“We played the piano,” both said in unison.

“What?” She wasn't expecting that answer. Far from it. Her face must have betrayed her because the mystery kid was smirking at her. 

Sensing her confusion, Kaworu explained to her, “It was preparation for us to be in sync with Unit 13; it has a dual entry system and requires two souls to pilot it.”

“So, it is a straggler vessel of the ADAMs?” Mari chimed, slinging her arm around Kaworu’s shoulder. He gave her a sideways glance but made no move to shove her off or move her hand. So, she just lingered.

“I believe so.”

“Dual entry...” Ritsuko muttered. She smoothed a hand through her cropped hair, something troubling her mind.

“Yes. It requires two souls to operate.” Kaworu neglected to tell them it could be operated by an Angel as well.

“We should upgrade to that,” Mari added in optimistically. She quickly turned to Ritsuko and Misato like a kid begging their parents for a brand spanking-new toy.

“Mari.”

“I’m just saying,” Mari giggled. “Eva 8.0.02. Think about it,” she said spreading her arms out.

“So-” Ritsuko dragged the conversation back on topic, “We don’t have the man power to destroy it. And I’m assuming Mark.09 is also an ADAM as well.”

“Unfortunately.” Kaworu nodded.

“Two ADAMs and three suspicious pilots all wrapped up for us?” Ritsuko quipped, eyeing the three pilots. “What could possibly go wrong?” Ritsuko sighed sarcastically. She dug in her pocket and produced a tablet to go about scribbling something down.

“I think it would be a lot of fun, but that’s not my decision, right Cap’n?” Mari said as she clapped her hands together and faced Rei. “Do you have anything to add Miss Puppet?”

Rei was impassive as ever, and asked the same question as always. “Is that an order?”

Ritsuko rolled her eyes, getting sick and tired of hearing that phrase. But Mari kept her interest, trying to encourage Rei to say more. Though, she was hyper focused on Shinji.

“I know you have no reason to trust us, but I’m telling you the truth that we want to help,” Shinji started. He wrestled with his words to find the right ones and only one phrase felt fitting. “I know I fucked up.”

“Shinji-” Kaworu began.

“No, it’s alright.” Shinji held up his hand and smiled at him before turning to the others. “I was the one who wanted to save Rei and didn’t care about anyone else. After everything with my father using me, you using me -- everyone used me in some shape or form from the start.” Shinji laughed mirthlessly, drawing the attention of the other occupants.

Misato looked away, jaw and fists clenched neither caring or trying to hide from the calculating gleam in Ritsuko’s eye. Kaworu felt his heart sink and a weight bear down on his shoulders. This was a jab at him too and he couldn’t make himself seem higher than the rest. 

Shinji bowed his head and hugged himself. “And in the end shit happened. I did it and now I have to suffer the consequences. I get that. If you want me to shoulder all the blame, then blame me.” Shinji strode up to Misato, blocking the view so he was the only thing in her path.

Misato cocked a brow, as if deciphering his motives. “You want me to atone for my sin, right? Then help me atone! I just can’t sit around and do _nothing._ ”

Kaworu smiled, proud that Shinji finally stood his ground. But he couldn’t help noticing, that Misato was deathly silent. Shinji looked at her worriedly.

“Is that so,” she scoffed.

“Misato?” Shinji murmured. He subconsciously raised his hand to comfort her, but she swatted it away and suddenly lunged at him. 

Misato was deceptively agile as she dived in one fluid movement, grabbing a fistful of Shinji’s shirt and dragging him to her level.

Kaworu made a move to intervene, but Mari grabbed his arms, nails digging into his hand. “Nuh-uh-ahhh~” she sang, and shook her head. Kaworu turned to deliver her a foreboding look. But she just smiled and nudged her head toward the two. “Just wait and see Pretty Boy.” But he looked away and continued to stare at Shinji despite Mari’s insistence because she didn’t _understand_.

The hybrid was reacting.

Shinji remained still, sweat rolling down his temples. An uncomfortable heat rooted in his belly washed over him as the thing was starting to react to the newest threat.

Misato must have thought she was being threatening and had him scared him stiff but she was only half right. He was frozen in fear; it took all his concentration not to be compelled by the power trickling through him.

“Here’s the deal,” Misato said, as she pulled Shinji closer as he leaned away, eyes wide. “You tell us everything we need to know and you are allowed amnesty.”

“But not without restrictions,” Ritsuko cut in.

“Of course,” Kaworu agreed, not even looking at Ritsuko, his eyes preoccupied with watching Shinji and Misato warily. Mari’s hand had not let go of his.

“You are not allowed to wander through the ship without an escort,” Ritsuko added while flipping through her tablet.

“If you do anything suspicious you will be shot first, asked questions later,” Mari warned. A nod from Ritsuko confirmed Mari’s statement.

“Sounds reasonable,” Kaworu quipped.

“Be warned: if there is anything you're not telling me and I find out, you can guarantee that this will be your final strike,” Misato cautioned.

“I understand,” Shinji said, clear as day. Misato’s fist unclenched and she released Shinji’s shirt, before grabbing his upper arm a moment later. Shinji gasped, mouth agape, before his head snapped back from the sheer force of Misato whisking him away.

“Captain-” Ritsuko sputtered. Misato halted briefly, while Shinji gracelessly bumped into her. “Where are you going?”

“To make an announcement,” Misato muttered curtly before she stormed out of the room with a lagging Shinji behind her.

Ritsuko let loose an exasperated sigh and rubbed her temples before shoving her tablet in her pocket. She jabbed a thumb at Rei and ordered Mari, “Grab the other one and let’s go.”

“Where to then?” she asked while looping her arm around Rei’s, who quickly complied. 

“Knowing her, most likely the bridge,” Ritsuko sighed.  “And I’ll have to deal with damage control…again.”

* * *

 

“U-um where are we going?” Shinji asked, albeit a little winded. Keeping up with her pace was producing a stitch in his side. Misato charged forward with one goal in mind, and Shinji was along for the ride.

“To the bridge,” she answered off-handedly, still dragging him along. That seemed to be all the information Misato allowed him, letting the silence fall between them. The only sounds were the click of Misato’s boots and the squeak of Shinji’s sneakers being partially dragged on the posh floor.

Shinji gratefully accepted the mutual silence; it gave him time to reflect for a moment. He eyed Misato before letting his free hand land carefully on his belly, and waited for it to react…but nothing happened. Come to think of it, he didn’t feel nauseated or feverish, and even that strange power that usually radiated from it was absent. Shinji almost let out a sigh of relief; the thing seemed to have fallen back into hibernation again. And that was fine by Shinji; the longer it slept, the less trouble it would cause. Or at least so he hoped.

When he looked up they were in front of an elevator. Shinji quickly dropped his hand and shifted his gaze away just as Misato turned to him. He could tell she was irritated by him if the vexed way she punched in the code for the elevator was anything to go by. The doors swooped open and Misato rushed in with Shinji in tow and maneuvered him to stand by her side instead of lagging behind.

Shinji allowed her to mess around with him; push him forward, square his shoulders and tilt his chin up. The brief eye contact was met with a scowl.

“Look sharp. If they see any weakness, they’ll rip you to shreds,” Misato said, whether as a friendly warning or an actual one was yet to be determined. He’d like to think it was the former.

“I’ll give it my best,” Shinji muttered. Misato rolled her eyes and turned to the doors.

Shinji’s head drooped, looking at his feet as they stood side by side. He chanced a glance at her face, still strong and determined, looking ahead. This was the perfect chance, the nagging voice in the back of his head begged, to tell her about…the hybrid. He was alone with just her and without Kaworu’s influence. There was still a possibility that they could help. If any bit of the old Misato remained then she would have wanted to know…to help him through it.

Working up the courage, Shinji managed to stumble out a few words before he was cut off. “Hey…there’s something-”

“Not now,” Misato butt in, silencing him and his hopes. The elevator slowed to a halt accompanied by the ding signaling they’d arrived on a new floor. Misato closed her eyes and her shoulders slacked as she took a deep breath. She mentally pushed out all hindrances that plagued her as she exhaled. When she looked up she knew how she was supposed to be and act. Her eyes were filled with a fire and her posture was daunting, demanding the respect she deserved.

“We’re here,” she said as they walked out of the elevator and reached a place that was much livelier.

The makeshift crew Shinji had briefly met were all huddled in the center of the room, engaging in a very heated debate. It must have been an argument of the utmost importance, since they had forgotten to acknowledge their untimely arrival. Before Misato could make her presence known, a girl with pink hair turned and gasped loudly. All the others turned toward the catwalk and did a double take.

“It’s the captain!”

“Why didn’t anyone know about this?”

“Quick, back to work before she lays it on us!”

“Wait isn’t that the kid!?”

Misato raised a hand, silencing the rambunctious crowd to a hush. “Attention everyone, I have an announcement to make as your captain,” Misato called out, her voice ringing through the bridge.

“I’m sure you are all aware that there are certain persons of interest on board the WUNDER. Him for example-” Misato dragged Shinji forward for all to see. He instinctively shrunk but he remembered her warning. He stood up taller, broadened his shoulders as he put on a façade of bravery. Misato gave him the smallest nod of approval. “Now I’m here to lay those rumors to rest. They are indeed staying on our crew…as workers, not prisoners,” she commanded.

Shinji watched as the crew men and women gaped at their captain. One second you could hear a pin drop but the next it suddenly turned into an uproar. The many voices clashed with one another, begging to be elected the Most Outraged.

“What is she raving on about?!”

“She can't be serious!”

“She’s actually crazy?!”

“You really expect us to just put up with _them_ being on the ship? They could put us in danger!” someone shouted accusingly at her, a man with long brown hair that looked vaguely familiar, although Shinji didn’t recall him having a goatee the last time he saw him. Then again, fourteen years. Shinji was still trying to put a name to the guy who just spoke but the ding of the elevator door opening sent his head swiveling in the other direction to see the new arrivals.

Ritsuko looked incensed as she wandered over to Misato’s other side, trying to assess the damage. Mari also followed through with Kaworu and Rei in tow but lingered near the elevator. Shinji instantly perked up as Kaworu looked at him.

 “Are you okay?” Kaworu asked among the yelling. Shinji frowned trying to decipher what he said before he understood. Kaworu never got the chance to check on him before Misato whisked him away.

“Yes, I’m fine. Nothing happened,” Shinji said with a shrug. Kaworu looked relieved as he nodded slowly, accepting his answer. He probably would have sensed if anything got too out of hand anyway.

 “ENOUGH!” All eyes turned to Misato.

Misato had stood her ground and took the verbal abuse in stride, letting her crew men and women to speak freely before she interjected with the most crucial thing they were forgetting. “In case you haven't noticed? We're _always_ in danger,” Misato snapped back. “As long as we have him on the Wunder they won't attack us directly without risking injury to him.”

The crew collectively quieted, mumbling their reluctant agreement though there were still weak protests being thrown at her.

“We don’t need ‘em!”

“Yeah! Why are they so important?!”

Ritsuko put her two cents in. “Think of it as a game. We have their vital pieces and if they even try to take them back, then we'll just break them.”

“I know how this all must look like, but you’re wrong. I'm not saying that you have to trust them, but trust _me_ and my judgement. I wouldn't be allowing this if I didn't think it was the best possible course of action,” Misato said softer, the same voice that she used when she was trying to appeal to the masses. “If you have a problem with that you can see me,” Misato ordered. No one stood up to oppose her, all begrudgingly silent.

“That will be all. Set a course for Outpost Alpha.”

“Yes Captain!” They chanted in sync as most of the crew started returning to their seats and began the process of setting a new course. A few crewmen shot Misato a look of uncertainty before inevitably sinking into their chairs and resuming their duties.

Shinji stood in awe. Where had this Misato been all his life? It was hard to believe that this was the same goofy woman that had taken him in all those years back. Then again, that was fourteen years ago – fourteen years that he was not actively a part of -- her life had changed. Shinji had the intention of turning to Kaworu but someone popped up in front of him.

“Are you excited to go to Outpost Alpha Ikari-san?” a small voice asked in a rush.

Shinji jumped, swallowing back the scream winding in his throat. He had no idea how Sakura managed to creep up on the catwalk but he was impress and slightly terrified.

“I’m sorry Ikari-san! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Sakura apologized. Her big brown eyes brimming with sympathetic intentions that Shinji quickly forgave.

“No, no I’m fine! I’m sorry, can you repeat what you said?” Shinji asked politely. 

“We’re heading to an outpost to resupply and figure out what to do with you three.” Ritsuko muttered while making her over to a giant screen with more techno jargon.

“Three? Oh, right.” Shinji reeled back and noticed that Not-Rei had yet to voice any opinions. Not that the real Rei was that talkative, but at least she spoke her mind when it mattered. This one was just-- empty and something about that emptiness rekindled his anger.

“Suzuhara, take them to the prison cell block,” Misato called out from her station, observing the various holo-screens.

“Yes ma’am!” Sakura saluted before turning toward the destined children. “If you would please follow me. I’ll take you to your rooms.”

“So much for not being labeled as prisoners,” Shinji remarked lowly. But not low enough to beat Misato’s bat like hearing.

Misato flashed Shinji a challenging look from over her shoulder. “Until I see that we can trust the lot of you, you’re all under heavy surveillance and Suzuhara just happens to be your glorified babysitter.”  

“Roger that! I’ll be looking forward to it.” Sakura turned and lightly pushed Shinji toward the elevator like an eager sheep dog. Mari followed as she piled the rest in the elevator before the doors sealed them in.

The second the doors were shut, Sakura’s shoulders slumped as she sighed. Her sighed transformed into a mournful groan while managing to hunch over herself like a gravity suddenly had a vendetta on her. But the next second she sprung up with renewed energy. “I can do this!”

“Special lieutenant babysitter--that’s our Suzuhara, climbing up in our ranks!” Mari joked while patting Sakura on the back.

“Thank you for the praise, but Mari-san...you can release them into my custody if you would like?”

“But I want to at least walk them to their rooms like a good host.” Mari pouted as she pulled Rei into an over dramatic hug. Predictably, Rei did nothing but accepted her new fate as Mari’s new toy. 

“If you insist then.” Sakura smartly dropped the topic and turned her to pulling out her tablet and quickly scribbled down a message.

Shinji rolled his eyes and looked at Kaworu. But he had fallen into one of his deep train of thoughts again. He had seen this a handful of times and knew full well that trying to grab his attention was futile now. Instead, he focused on the windows of the elevator as they whirled passed. Shinji sighed feeling the whole ordeal finally taking its toll. He didn’t even have the strength to turn his head to the door when it opened abruptly.

“Here we are. This floor is yours.” Sakura walked down the hall that they would soon be familiar with in time. “I’ll have your rations sent to your rooms.” Sakura chatted, trying to keep some semblance of a conversation going.

Shinji was aware that Mari was adding to the small talk no doubt, but Shinji was losing focus. He was suddenly tired, his feet trudging along the floor like it was mud. As they were walking; two chatty guards on patrol became alert when they realized who was strolling past them.

Shinji didn’t need to glance back to see the dirty looks that they were throwing at them. Nor did he have the energy to defend himself. He kept walking forward with the intention of getting to his cell, but in that moment Shinji’s feet seemed to be piloted by an idiot.

Shinji tripped, falling right in front of the armed men. He tried to make a grab for the wall but missed it by mere inches. He braced himself for impact, yet was met with small, but sturdy hands catching him at the last second.

When the annoying warm and fuzzy feeling resurfaced, Shinji knew who’s arms he was cradled in. He looked up predictively in Rei’s arms that held him like a mother shielding her child. Rei’s neutral features were replaced with mild confusion; aware that her body had moved on its own accord.

“Shinji?!” Kaworu said in alarm before he attempted to be by Shinji side, but the guards interfered. Annoyed, he shot them an intense glare that had them stumbling. Sakura was allowed by Shinji’s side in an instant. A pang of jealousy ate away at Kaworu.

Sakura made a motion to inspect for injuries but Shinji waved her off causing the medic to pout. “I'm sorry. It's just been a draining day," Shinji said as he pushed off Rei roughly. The feeling faded away almost reluctantly as he retreated closer to Kaworu on instinct.

Rei said nothing and made no move to gather herself until Mari offered assistance. “Nice save, doll girl.” Mari joked.

“Sorry for the trouble guys, we’ll just be on our way.” Sakura said as she rushed out apologies. She grabbed Shinji’s hand and speed past the guards to get to her destination.

Shinji nodded at Kaworu before being whisked away again for the second time that day. They all stopped when they approach the first cell. “Here’s your room.” Sakura said while typing in the keypad. Shinji walked in obediently and didn’t even flinch when the bars closed behind him.

“I’ll be back with your rations as soon as I’m done settling in these two.” Sakura promised. She made it about half a step before Shinji stopped her.

“Wait! They have different cells? Why?” Shinji asked, slight panic flooding his voice.

“It’s alright Shinji. I’m sure it will be fine.” Kaworu said and gave Shinji one of his best reassuring smiles. He had no idea what was in store for himself but he couldn’t let Shinji catch on.

“Okay…” Shinji said crestfallen. He took solstice in Kaworu’s ever enduring confidence but he couldn’t help but worry as he watched them walk away. Shinji strained his ears tying to listen to the footfalls that grew more distance with each passing minute. Soon all her could hear was nothing, but the electrical hum of the lights.

Overwhelmed he plopped on the bed, reeling from the longest day of his life. So much had happened; it was surreal. He wanted someone to pinch him. But he had another way to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Shinji turned on his side, so his back block the bars. He had no idea if there were any more secret cameras, but he was not taking the chance.

Building up the courage, he pulled out his school shirt, hiking it up until his belly was exposed. He slowly slipped his hand underneath his shirts. It hovered before finally resting on the tiny bump.

Shinji involuntarily tensed at the contact like he was expecting it to jump out of him. But nothing happened, it felt…very warm. Cautiously he rubbed around the center, noticing the subtle differences of how his skin ran flat until reaching his lower abdomen. It was more rounded and defined, but not enough to be noticeable.

Good, it wasn't as obvious as he thought, and could at least hide it for the time being. The others could just speculate that he had gained weight. Shinji sighed, they had some time to...figure out what to do. 

“This is weird,” Shinji mumbled, stroking his stomach tentatively. The bump felt tender but when he gently pressed down it was harder- _“What is that?”_ Shinji thought as he softly prodded the bump. His fingers barely brushed against something that was very much solid. It felt awkward, like it didn't belong. _“I wonder what would happen if...”_

Shinji experimentally pressed down harder but instantly regretted it. His middle flared up in pain with the mother of all cramps assaulting his senses. He choked on a sob that was trying to work its way from his throat. Shinji reflexively curled in on himself as his body betrayed him.

Suddenly his hand jerked away, relieving the pressure off the bump. Shinji collapsed on the cot as the pain subsided, leaving him shuddering from the shock. He felt near faint, body fighting to lose consciousness. With a gargantuan effort, he rose, hunching over slightly. 

 _“What the fuck was that_?!” Shinji thought. His nerves felt numb and body too hot. He took shallow breathes trying to regulate his breathing. _“Kaworu was right...this is bad.”_  With a trembling hand, he placed it back on his stomach again with the utmost care this time. Shinji braced himself but nothing happened.

His hand fell on the bed and he just contemplated his middle.  _“Did I just imagine that? Was that shooting pain a warning? What’s going on?”_ Shinji thoughts ran rampant. Well, he really didn't want to find out. Shinji flopped back on the bed, wrapping his arms around his chest protectively. But his body still felt like static, slowly numbing his body.

Shinji stared at the ceiling and tried to think of the void. He couldn’t see the stars and it made him depressed. He was left with actually dealing with it.

 _“Let me wake up,”_ Shinji prayed. He tried to fight it, but he was dragged under. Soon he drifted off to an unrestful sleep, dreaming of nothingness. 

* * *

 

Ritsuko looked at the screens; something was very wrong. She scanned and re-scanned the results of Shinji's deep synchro test, the medical reports in her hands. She threw the papers on her desk in huff. The results were inconclusive. She didn't need to know that SEELE’s boy’s results, they were always the same. He could synch with anything to whatever level he wanted. 

That power surge fucked over the machines, and Shinji's condition was still left a mystery. Ritsuko sighed, she'll just have to retest him in the morning, which would be a pain. This whole day had been a pain if she was being honest. 

Having Shinji on board was beyond stupid, having the other two on board was suicidal. But she wasn't captain and when worst came to worst she wouldn't be blamed when they stabbed them in the back. Misato could take the fall for once. 

She looked at the papers again and sighed, frustration seeping in her core. There was something missing that she couldn't grasp. The video feed conveniently cutting off _and_ a power surge at the same time was too big of a coincidence. Misato knew that too but still allowed them to stay.

Ritsuko shuffled the reports again. Sighing, she flipped the screens to the security feed on the cell blocks. She zoomed in on Shinji, who was tossing and turning in his cell. She leaned in closer as if the answers would spontaneously appear. “What role does your father want you to play?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I can cut my update time by a little more than half, then I say I'm on the right track to being a competent fic author if I do say so myself. This 8,600+ words monster was brought to you by pure determination and the need to please folks ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/  
> Also another big thanks to (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧  
> [teenunicorn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/teenunicorn/pseuds/teenunicorn) for being a gift from the heavens (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧


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